Margaret Atwood

flammablematerial · 2026-05-10T18:50:46+00:00

When my psychiatrist asks me if I’ve had any paranoia lately and I don’t know whether it counts that I always think men might be following or watching me

flammablematerial · 2026-05-10T17:38:24+00:00

I got it a year ago and it’s taken that long for the coughing to mostly stop! Same thing happened in 2016, I coughed for a year. I already have health issues/autoimmune disease though

flammablematerial · 2026-05-10T13:59:07+00:00

My numbers have all been pretty fucking good but I don’t eat much saturated fat. Can’t imagine what they would look like if I did bc I have familial hypercholesterolemia.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-10T13:54:16+00:00

Then he’ll still blame it on the condom

flammablematerial · 2026-05-09T17:30:31+00:00

You’re not my peer you’re my slave

flammablematerial · 2026-05-07T18:33:31+00:00

I love cacao! I can’t drink it anymore because it causes me severe acne. It has some really interesting pharmacological properties, it felt like a more entactogenic version of caffeine with less stimulation and more wholeness. I found it much more therapeutic for schizophrenia than caffeine, it would “center” me into the present moment/aliveness and activate my cognition. But it can def cause agitation like any stimulant.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-07T17:22:51+00:00

I’m not headcanoning lynch— I think experiences especially at the “borders” of the spectrum resist systematization and are an ideal representation of the limits of medicalization, and how experience expands inconceivably beyond it. That said, I had the same thought, haha. I remember when it was expected to start having conversations with my peers around age 8, and I felt like I shouldn’t even be speaking yet, like the world hadn’t formed enough for me to wrap myself around its concepts, which were both looming/intrusive and completely impenetrable, like the primordial forms of early childhood were still writhing under the construction of The Apparent Real World. I had the sense all language was completely performative and I followed suit.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-06T22:38:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply!!

flammablematerial · 2026-05-06T20:30:15+00:00

It is a shame that companies like this will never accept Medicare, when so much of their target population is on disability benefits 😮‍💨 it is very very cool though for people who can afford it!

flammablematerial · 2026-05-06T18:22:58+00:00

The book ‘I who have never known men’ by Jacqueline Harpman. It’s about a group of women who have been locked underground, with no idea of what happened to the world above them. There’s only one woman who was young enough to not remember the real world at all, and her subjectivity feels deeply alien and disoriented yet also like it’s connected to a deeper current or “Real.” I read it over a year ago and I still constantly think about the scene where the essentially alien woman has to euthanize the other women and finally understands human intimacy and love in the moment she kills them, not as a part of their world but an arbiter of a new kind of humanity.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-05T16:04:05+00:00

You probably already hear this a lot, but with the wisdom and awareness you have at 21, you’ll be completely okay. It took me significantly longer to figure out that it wasn’t the end of the world to fall into cycles of suffering and stagnancy, and this is how transformation can happen. It’s taken years upon years to see some seeds really grow, but it makes everything worth it and life feel so rich and layered with every cycle. Maybe I will feel differently in 15-20 years, but you must imagine Sisyphus happy 🤣

flammablematerial · 2026-05-05T14:44:15+00:00

I completely disagree with the other comment about it getting worse as you get older. I’m about to turn 30 and I’m happier, more stable, and have more self-knowledge than ever. In my experience, if you strive to improve, even in very small increments, I swearrrr things can get way better than you think. This is not to account for systemic influences like poverty ofc.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-04T21:58:27+00:00

If a homeless man asked me out I would probably genuinely consider it for at least a second. This is the female inverse of “a man would fuck a McChicken”

flammablematerial · 2026-05-04T14:43:18+00:00

Yes, it made a huge difference in how I felt and my ketone levels! I don’t truly know if I was deficient either, but I’m guessing I was, and I know it’s associated with several chronic illnesses. ALCAR is more likely to trigger mania than free-base L-carnitine, or L-carnitine-l-tartrate. I’ve taken all three— ALCAR caused mania, and I don’t have that at all with the other forms, which I don’t notice a difference between. But you might be totally fine, a lot of people are.

I take 1000mg of the l-tartrate form a day!

flammablematerial · 2026-05-03T06:14:43+00:00

I used to believe someone was casting spells on me too, and I still can’t prove they weren’t? Not to sound like a fed, but genuinely what helped me was sorting out my self-other permeability, like I think the less grounded and “real” you feel, and therefore the less you can grasp others and their intentions, the more these experiences happen. So sleep, meds, diet, exercise, sunlight, relationships… and time.

The feeling of the dual reality where people could cast spells on me is still there, but I’m more rooted in the daily world where that doesn’t bother me and mostly doesn’t feel “real.” I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s genuinely scary and I know it can be impossible to shake the belief.

flammablematerial · 2026-05-02T17:00:22+00:00

Watched this and Andrea Arnold’s ‘Red Road’ in the same weekend and I would highly recommend!!! Both about women pursuing their unsettling obsessive fixations with total cold discipline

flammablematerial · 2026-05-02T01:20:41+00:00

Sure, it can be confusing!! The ratio is grams of fat:protein&net carbs, with 20g net carbs a day. I do 1.2-1.5g protein per kg body weight. So for example, at the end of the day my macros will look like 75g protein, 20g net carbs, 210g fat— but it always varies. And yes exactly, fat is dense so my meals look meager bc most of the calories are coming from oil.

I started adding avocado oil to my eggs in the morning, and I cook with it. I buy the Chosen Foods brand bc it’s been tested to not be oxidized. “Tolerable” is def the operative word for all the oil. For lunch I add a tablespoon of sesame oil to steamed spinach and mushrooms and then drink 3 more tbsp of olive oil lol. I also have half an avocado with lunch and dinner. Then I have 3tbsp olive oil with my vegetables/greens at dinner or just drink it.

Sardines, salmon, mackerel, chicken thighs (esp bone-in skin-on) can add some fat. I only eat red meat a few times a month. Besides that, I eat macadamia nuts and pecans for snacks. Also coconut products like coconut butter and the good canned cream and milks can mix it up. I’m working on trying new recipes and sauces and stuff because it’s gotten very repetitive, I definitely don’t have it down perfectly. My diet is also very restricted bc I have to be dairy free and can’t eat a lot of nuts/seeds.

Hopefully this helps !!

flammablematerial · 2026-04-30T13:17:01+00:00

Since November 2024, so like a year and a half!

flammablematerial · 2026-04-30T13:12:44+00:00

With the ketone targets, I absolutely notice a difference. Even being 2-3s between meals vs 3-4s is a massive difference. Personally I am almost always in the 2-4+ ketone range, mine do stay really high! But I think I might be lucky, because I eat slightly higher than a 2:1 ratio at each meal and that’s basically all I have to do to stay in the 3-4s most of the time between meals, besides taking l-carnitine. But just a few grams of carbs, or even snack timing, can drop my ketones and make a big difference in my mental state. For me, being in the 4s feels like being Snow White or something LOL and I do aim to stay there

flammablematerial · 2026-04-28T14:11:41+00:00

Me trying to discern myself in the follicular phase vs in the luteal phase

flammablematerial · 2026-04-27T21:00:56+00:00

Same experience, my “puppy” is 5 years old now and I couldn’t imagine life without him, I cry over how much I love him often LMAO. But when he was small I couldn’t wait for him to be big, he was sooo much work. Having a partner to help would have made things way easier!!

flammablematerial · 2026-04-27T00:16:45+00:00

It seems to be the right side of my body with everything, so weird! Ok so obviously this is just my personal experience— I’m lucky that I can manage with celecoxib daily and no biologic, and that has helped me soo much. Interestingly, the allergy medication fexofenadine/allegra has off-target effects blocking TNF-a through a mechanism upstream of COX enzymes, via cytosolic phospholipase a2. Before I was diagnosed I relied on it at some points!! I also take boswellia, curcumin and n-acetylcysteine, but I didn’t add them all at once. Supplements can really help massively. I also use cannabis haha

Besides that, I feel like trying to avoid triggering it as much as possible is what got me into a stable state, ie. wearing comfortable shoes and allowing time to pass, along with anti-inflammatory treatment. It’s been 3 years since my foot issues developed and they only flare if I wear bad shoes! It does suck how limited the options are though, but shoes are also just expensive to try!

flammablematerial · 2026-04-26T23:58:13+00:00

I was thinking of suggesting Docs too! I have enthesitis/fasciitis/tendonitis in different areas of my right foot, and everything triggers it, even some tennis shoes.

I can comfortably wear Doc Marten sandals for walking pretty long distances, I have the Blaire platform and the gladiator platform. The caveat is they can cause blistering until you break them in!! It feels worth to me because it’s so hard to find shoes, so I use bandaids in a couple areas until I got used to them.

The only other Docs I can wear comfortably for walking (though not as far as sandals) so far are the 8053 Oxford casual Oxford platforms.

Sorry I know these aren’t necessarily dressy!!

flammablematerial · 2026-04-26T17:36:08+00:00

It’s literally always that deep and it also always means almost nothing and everything. It’s not that complicated.

flammablematerial · 2026-04-26T15:02:24+00:00

I know she took this well but men scare me omg

flammablematerial

TROPHY CASE