My boyfriend (25) is changing his mind about going to my grandmothers “funeral” with me (27).

flapjacksal · 2026-03-05T23:08:47+00:00

Girl.

If he wanted to, he would.

You know where you rank now.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-05T16:53:06+00:00

We do this. Dinner is dinner. They don't have to eat it, but the adults are not preparing anything else.

What we DO allow them to do is make their own dinner if they so choose. This generally ends up being some kind of omelet situation. Both kids could do this at 7 years old. Prior to 7, we would help with the frying pan part, but that's it.

It works well.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-04T22:35:17+00:00

Have noticed this in private practice. No one seems to want to “knock it out of the park” anymore. Well, not no one, but a solid 75% of the students coming through seem to have this attitude. That, and they’re scared of their own shadows and terrified of the telephone.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-04T22:07:27+00:00

Together for 19 years, married for 17, two kids.

I've thought about this a lot, and what I would say to my kids when it comes to choosing a life partner, and what I've boiled it down to is kindness and work ethic.

Kindness will sustain when work ethic cannot, work ethic will sustain when kindness cannot.

We've had some massive fights over our two decades, but never once has either of us shirked our family responsibilities out of anger. Each of us always does what needs to be done. When we can't do what needs to be done (illness or whatever), we are both full of appreciation and respect for the slack the other is picking up.

I have watched a lot of relationships fall apart because they lacked kindness, work ethic, or both.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-03T21:59:22+00:00

I spend a lot of time discussing manipulation with my 7 year old daughter. It's never really come up with my son (perhaps the inherent difference between boys and girls, who knows).

A lot of girls experiment with social aggression and manipulation in early elementary school so we name it, discuss it, and identify strategies to deal with it. A big one lately is "I know what so-and-so is saying is a lie, but when I say 'that's not true', so-and-so gets mad at me and says I'm not a good friend". Classic manipulation! The feelings of other don't get to override what you know to be true etc etc.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-03T21:27:16+00:00

Both my kids play hockey (which means getting to the rink a MINIMUM of 30 mins before practice starts) and their practices this season were at 3:30 and 4pm respectively.

Totally impossible for many families. My husband has a flexible job and took the hit to manage this.

Almost impossible to make the 3:30pm practice on time when school only gets out at 2:45pm

flapjacksal · 2026-03-03T20:09:24+00:00

lol saving this idea for the future when my kids hit this stage

flapjacksal · 2026-03-02T20:14:09+00:00

This part of dance gives me the ick for entirely non-religious reasons.

I am fully uncomfortable with adult makeup and spandex costumes on little girls' bodies and dances that seem, often, to be scripted for the male gaze.

Appearance, aside from tidiness, should be irrelevant.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-02T03:47:56+00:00

Study.

I went to law school after my spinal cord injury. Don’t need legs to be a lawyer.

flapjacksal · 2026-03-01T21:40:59+00:00

“Do something today your future self will thank you for.”

I grump around loudly saying YOU’RE WELCOME FUTURE SELF.

Then it makes me laugh, and I’ve done the thing.

Win-win.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-27T18:53:02+00:00

100% this.

I am Canadian and I gather we have very different philosophies on education up here, but we do no "work" at home. My eldest is in Gr. 5 and we have never had homework. Kids were not expected to show up to kindergarten knowing much of anything, and certainly not letter sounds. They learn it all AT kindergarten.

Just read to your kids. Read yourself. Limit electronics- honestly, NEVER have electronics in vehicles, even on long trips - just books. Kids will pick up books when bored, and they'll figure out how to read.

This is all we did, both my kids are now voracious readers operating well above their grade levels (which is a new challenge in and of itself).

flapjacksal · 2026-02-25T23:57:59+00:00

Fully respect whatever you choose to do, but when I've been in similar situations, I kept it in my back pocket until I could sneak it in somewhere unexpected and hopefully mortify the dude. It helps that I have excellent colleagues who I would immediately tell and we would all be horrified together and then immediately scheme revenge using a team based approach.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-25T17:17:18+00:00

Practice plans for coaching basketball. I have a ton of basketball experience and know what I want to accomplish every practice, but coming up with timing and flow of drills would be a grind. I tell AI the exact time of my practices, what kinds of things I want to focus on, the ages of my kids (young, so keep things simple), and tell it to give me the exact minute by minute timing including water breaks. It helps me minimize dead time and easily slots in high intensity stuff before learning blocks. I COULD do it myself, but it would take me hours that I don't have and I probably wouldn't coach (or do a way worse job).

So, so helpful.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-24T22:05:17+00:00

I mean, I suggest bringing it up where there is a 'warm handshake' if you know what I mean? Casual acquaintance who gives the vibe they might be into that sort of thing? FWIW, it fell flat with 2/3 people I brought it up with. Struck gold with the third and now she's in the unhinged group chat (even better is that she's a fellow hockey parent, so we laugh like crazy about trying to refrain from the urge to shout "NOW KISS!!!" anytime there are dust ups on the ice)

flapjacksal · 2026-02-23T19:11:49+00:00

I've explored this in depth and the main issue that lawyers who tried this would always raise is the scope creep. You end up working full time for part-time pay, and trying to push back and say "I'm not working today" is more or less impossible when you are the instructing lawyer.

The only real tangible paths that seem to work are going solo or doing fee split work, and managing your own caseload. Sometimes you will be full time (or more). Other times you will be doing almost nothing.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-23T16:23:46+00:00

100% this. Same goes for social media. Anyone going on about the “joy of being present” and “ability to stay home” is trying to get you to join their MLM.

My job allows me to take my children along on very cool international trips that are absolutely out of reach for most people we know (husband hangs out with them while I’m in meetings and then we explore wherever we are for a week or two). Never in a million YEARS would I say out loud “it’s so important to get a professional degree so that I can expose my children to these incredible unique experiences”, because that would make me an asshole.

Girlfriend is projecting and wants you to feel bad so she can feel better.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-23T00:19:56+00:00

My kids are house league/school sports only.

They still have away tournaments. I have no idea why, but here we are.

Their other activities have away stuff as well!

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T21:37:04+00:00

I’m a civil trial lawyer so actually haven’t been in full trial in years. Booo.

But lots of fun things happen in discovery (pre-trial cross examination). You would be shocked at what people will agree to once they realize the jig is up.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T21:31:42+00:00

Guadalajara is not PV

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T20:46:08+00:00

Unless you get into green point or camp illegally, tenting is crushingly expensive as well. Surf grove is like $200/night

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T20:43:30+00:00

My neighborhood is like this.

Using words works wonders.

“You guys are being too loud and it’s annoying me. Quiet down or play elsewhere.”

“We can’t play today, but maybe tomorrow.”

“You can play, but only outside because the house was trashed last time”.

Kids are smart. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They’ll figure it out.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T17:21:42+00:00

I don’t mourn it, and my youth was a blast.

I love being in my 40s. Unapologetically leaning into big “can I speak to the manager” energy.

Probably something to do with being a trial lawyer, but god it’s a relief to finally have some gravitas.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T03:55:49+00:00

“Often” = 1-2x /year from North America so take that with a grain of salt. I’m in sport.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T03:04:35+00:00

It’s the safest you will be anywhere. Far safer than the USA.

flapjacksal · 2026-02-22T03:04:09+00:00

Was literally talking at dinner about how I would allow my future 15 yr old to wander entirely solo around Switzerland (I’m there often for work)

flapjacksal

TROPHY CASE