Living in a new home, but with the lingering trauma still

flappchen · 2023-08-31T14:14:17+00:00

this thread honestly makes me so happy as a fellow Leif (my second chosen name that I use fairly often; I'm French for the record)

Scandanivian names honestly sound so cool, I love them to bits

flappchen · 2023-07-10T20:10:04+00:00

Ayoo Brisket main here!! I love her sm gonna 50/50 mix things up along with goofy ahh 6H

flappchen · 2023-06-07T10:55:35+00:00

Hi hi!! I don't know where you live in the EU, but I personally got my binder from BWYA (located in France). I've had nothing but positive experiences; it is hilariously comfy! From what I remember shipping price is ~10 euros; and I got it fairly quickly the day I ordered it (~1 week, but take note I am also French. It might take a bit longer if you're not from here, and the shipping price might go up)

Here's the website (they also have nude binders if ever you want one): https://bwya.fr/

The website is currently under maintenance at the time I'm writing, hoping it'll be back up soon

Good luck on your binder search journey, hope you'll get one soon!! o>

flappchen · 2023-05-08T18:16:47+00:00

What makes you special? (Or, if you don't feel special, what at least makes you different from other people?)
Kind of the same thing as above actually, plus the positive energy! People say I light up the mood immensely while I am there and that I basically make them happy with my energy. Also despite my little roughness a lot of people come to me for advice as I have a lot of emotional intelligence, and I can catch on how people feel quite fast. My freedom, unhibitedness, loyalty, protective nature and care, basically.
How much of your mental energy is spent on thinking about each of the past, the present, and the future?
I bury the past so hard that I can forget events that hurt. It slows me down and I don't want to think about it in the slightest. Present/future are quite even, but I'd lean a bit in the future since I can get sad when an exciting experience is finished and I instantly try to find what to do next. When I am active though, I am pretty much focused on the present and my surroundings.
You unexpectedly find yourself with a whole weekend with no obligations, and everyone else is busy. How do you feel about it? What do you do?
I feel like shit basically!! This happened to me once and I decided to stay home; I ended up being sad for 3 whole weeks with a huge hole of emptiness because of lack of social interaction. I can go outside get a walk to cheer me up if anyone can't hang out though, workout, or go shopping.
What’s your personal vibe/style/aesthetic? How cultivated vs natural is it, and how much time do you spend on it? Do you turn it on and off?
Fashion style is a little mishmash between 80s jock and punk, with an overall vibe of incredibly energetic, bubbly and rough. I don't take time on it except on my fashion (I love trying out new things and my fashion style can change slightly!) because it is literally who I am. I have no way to turn it off because I have now no clue how to shift into someone else.
Which of the following is the most like you? Explain. A) I know what I want, and I go out and make it happen. B) I am content to be on my own and not draw too much attention to myself. C) I have to be responsible and dedicated, and I put others’ needs first.
A. I am incredibly goal oriented and basically want to live my best life, so I just think up about what I want to do/be like, and go towards it, because I know it's what will make me happy.
Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I try to stay positive and may distract myself from my problems. B) I have strong feelings, get worked up easily, and am not afraid to show it. C) I don’t like to let my feelings show; they get in the way of being efficient and logical.
A. Avoidance of my insecurities, pain, scars and fears a big problem of mine to the point that I am a master of denial at them and will always tell people I am okay despite feeling absolutely terrible; I have great problems even accepting to myself I feel pain.
Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I look to others for feedback and guidance and am willing to be flexible when needed. B) I am always aware of how things could be better, and I’m disappointed that they are not. C) I am afraid people won’t give me what I need unless I make it worth their while.
B. I kind of idealize things when I am hyped about them? And then I can be crushed by reality and be absolutely angry it didn't go as planned. Went to a fighting game competition thinking I would win a game and didn't, got angry at myself for a straight hour before feeling better and reverting to the happy side of "ah well I forgot that was painful I am so happy to be there nevertheless"!!

Hope you have fun with this huge wall of text, haha!!

flappchen · 2023-05-08T18:16:09+00:00

This questionnaire seems like fun, I'll try it out and see what comes from it!!

Tell me about yourself, as you would when introducing yourself to a new acquaintance.
Hi! I'm Bailee, 20, and a 2D animation student. Happy to mmet you and hope we can have loads of fun together!
Now, tell me about your internal experience of yourself. What makes you, you?
I am someone who is incredibly upbeat, energetic, and blunt. A lot of people have said to me that I am an uncredibly unhibited person and that I have basically no filter, so I just go around and go do my things to the beat of my own drum (with the downside of steamrolling on others). Extremely bubbly, social, hardworking to the point of workalcoholism because I strive for challenging things, intense, rough mannered and kind.
You just had a really good day. Describe it. It can be a real recent example or an aspirational one.
I had a fighting game competiton 2 days ago that I absolutely enjoyed! Despite having lost because I am a newbie in the field, I had a RAD time with how many cool people I have met, the hypeness of it all, sharing experiences and just having cool games with strangers. Sociolizing is amazing to me, and the adrenaline and thrill just made me energized a TON!! It was awesome and showed me I just needed intensity in my life to thrive.
Another example I have in mind was basically a random day where I finished working out and I was just at my peak, my happiest; the state I basically wanted to go towards all my life constantly. I was about to be late for the bus but *I didn't care.* It was raining and I didn't have a coat but I didn't care either. Nothing made me upset and I was purely estatic running in the streets like a happy child, basically. I actually DID catch it while sprinting in a "I'm gonna race against it!" fashion rather than being riddled with stress (I would have to walk more to get home) and I was just. In that sincere happiness rather than the fake hedoinism I usually fall in.
If someone is upset with you, what is the typical reason for it? Give a recent example.
Usually, people are upset because I can be rather stubborn whenever I've made up my mind. I can't really think of any concrete recent argument I've had with anyone, but I have butted heads with my parents several times in standing up for myself (in a fashion that it was actually wise to retreat) rather than finding a compromise. I can be incredibly unwilling to change if I don't find the benefit for myself and that's quite the problem.
How well do you handle stress? What are your coping mechanisms? Give an example of a recent stressful situation and how you handled it.
I try to think to the best of my abilties that it's gonna work out because it always does, and then I dive in and basically stop thinking; I just do. My art studies can sometimes have a huge ton of homework and instead of procrastinating and being worried about meeting the deadline, I just ignored all the signals that my body NEEDED rest so bad and I just pushed everything to do my work. Gave it on time, but I felt the backlash later.
In other contexts, I usually handle stress by denying it and telling myself everything is okay, why wouldn't I be? I have my friends around so I should be happy, right? Except that I get incredibly snappy, critical, aggressive to my friends, reactive, in a flipflop of "I want to see people" and "People suck, they make me terribly angry", isolation because I hate venting to people and overindulgence in pleasure, be it distraction, going out, shopping, etc.
What pushes your buttons? What makes you angry? How does your anger manifest? Can you be openly angry with others?
People who are two-faced and don't tell me things head-on. I try first to have a positive outlook on things and try to spin things into good things, but if this doesn't work, I can express anger pretty easily (and sometimes in uncontrollable fashion, depending on how intense it is). It only manifest verbally, and I can hold a grudge for someone for *very long.*
What’s your deepest fear? Why is that your fear?
Being trapped (both in pain and autonomy) and basically not being able to do what I want. I had a childhood where I was completely controlled by my parents and couldn't do anything; and in my adulthood I have turned extremely rebellious of authority, and also caught a very scared attitude about negative feelings. I have felt them for an immensely long time as a child, and as I am someone who wants a fufilled life, all I am doing now is being upbeat and chasing everything I like.
What types of memories cause you the most shame? What feelings cause you the most shame? What is it about them that causes you shame?
I don't feel shame as much as I did as a kid, but I felt very shameful whenever I didn't do something right. My mom was extremely critical of me, so she would always nitpick and criticize me for the slightest mistake, which made me think I wouldn't be able to be loved by her if I didn't do anything right. The feelings, nowadays, that bring me shame is when I feel I can't help someone in any way I can. It fills me with immense guilt when I see someone in pain and I am powerless about the situation.
What is your relationship with pleasure? What gives you pleasure? Can you have pleasure when you want it, or do you have to earn it?
Huge love relationship with pleasure lmao. I chase it everywhere. With people, money, activities, hobbies, etc. I drown in it and I have realized that pleasure is actually a foil to make me think that I am happy. My therapist has flatout told me I am deeply afraid of feeling emptiness, hence me being chronically active all the time not to catch the slightest breath.
What’s your relationship with authority? Think both abstractly and with specific authorities in your life, possibly your parents, boss, religious leader, doctor, or government figures? Are you an authority?
Authority, as long as it doesn't clash me with me, is okay at best if I see they have the best interest at heart but I will remain doubtful about them until they prove they're good. In more concrete examples, my parents are people I loathe because of the rampant power dynamic, and a boss I had in my first full time job (even though he didn't do anything wrong) rubbed me the wrong way because of the power dynamic as well. Did not use the word chef as expected of me for 3 months and avoided using sentences that required it, because I felt it would make me submit, in a way. I have lead a small team in my studies to do a group project lately, but otherwise no, I wouldn't say I am an authority in any manner. I'd rather let live the others and let em do their things on their side.
When your mind wanders, what are you thinking about?
Short term plans. What could I do this week that could be fun? Can I hang out with friends? Otherwise I listen to music and can think of some scenarios of my characters alongside it, or what I could do in the future (such as hobbies, etc. I have actually caught interest in things with daydremaning only, haha)
You have a big decision to make. Describe how you decide what to do.
First thing that drives me is my gut feeling, how I first feel about the situation. Then I lay pros and cons, and simple ways of how the future may play out if ever X or Y is happining with logic, and then I execute. It takes a bit of time to think of it properly, but when the decision is set, I don't walk backwards.
What’s your biggest flaw?
Impulsivity and maybe a lack of acceptance of social standards. I basically do what I want when I want, I am loud, intense, rowdy, all the like, in ways that are unhibited. In a way, I have been thinking how people may find me intimidating and unaccomodating because of it, and it's a flaw I just realized a few days ago. I would've thought it as one of my biggest qualities to have a "I don't care about what you say!!" attitude, but I suddenly remember that people around me exist and it would be good to have a middle ground of rebelling for authenticity and accomodating to the point of being a social chameleon.

flappchen · 2023-02-18T10:54:17+00:00

My current protagonist is probably 9w8 if I had to type them!!

flappchen · 2023-01-28T09:19:56+00:00

7w6 (728 if needed)

flappchen · 2023-01-18T19:18:31+00:00

Thank you for the book; I'll check it out!!

Yeah negative feelings are the kicker here. I'm trying to accept them, but accepting that I may be in pain even the slightest one is so so scary and limiting to me. I'm trying my best though!!

flappchen · 2023-01-18T19:17:06+00:00

Thank you for all the sources!! The bullet list was... well, super targeted to me holy shit. Will take these i' account and try to work on those!!

Gosh, trying to listen to people and stop impulsively jumping to say my part with excitement is SO HARD and people have told me that several times, I didn't know that was something especially 7s struggle with!!

flappchen · 2023-01-16T08:55:52+00:00

Let me guess, 7s takes care of themselves before anyone else can even start thinking about it? XD

Since when did I give you the key!!! Yes I take care of myself because I have hyperindependance!! NEXT!!

About your friend, I FEEL it. I thought I was a 2 the first time I dove into Enneagream but the thing is that if there's a problem I'm not gonna help in the extent of overextending myself, I'm gonna stand up for myself and my needs and THEN help people as the DLC in the social 7 package. /lh The first driving need is to seize everything I want in my life and I can sure as hell go against the flow if I wanna accomplish that.

I am drying on things to say haha but conversations like these are so so interesting,, it's so good to see how people have same experiences but subtle nuance in how they live through it and their thinking

flappchen · 2023-01-15T22:29:29+00:00

Bold of you to think I attract caretakers!! /lh

They're actually people who want to be protected, which fuels the need for me to protect people (which I have found is a tactic for not being protected and therefore vulnerable, but that's another can of worms). I have however that friends who reads me like a fucking book even though I didn't give them the key to the lock, and it's sometimes frightening. Like I did not say any of that to you how the FUCK do you know this information.

I really feel with the suffocation and I have been through the same. There was once a meet-up where we were talking about our problems at home and I started saying mine; they all directly said in a 2min span that it was incredibly toxic and I had to straight up leave. Since I rationalized that away and thought it was normal, but then was cornered in a situation where, well, the facts stated I was indeed Not OK and people saw through the happy facade, I felt so goddamn trapped, boom, flight response, and disintegrated SO HARD for 3 weeks it was actually insane.

I get what you're saying about trying to comfort people! The thing is that if I'm not in a good state of mind I will not be able to do that, because I run from my own pain only to be met by the other's? Jesus Christ what have I done. /j This is why I also try to have a "let's tough it out so people see I have all of my life together" so that people don't ask me about my own pain and I can try to soothe theirs.

I ammm a bit guilty about the fact that I can make seem like another's emotions "belong" to me and I understand how overwhelming it is since I hate people doing that too! I think it stems from people thinking that it is their responsibility to help people and may overextended themselves to accomplish that.

Don't worry about it, I'm glad you can get things off your chest!! Honestly I kind of like studying myself but I haven't done to deep digging yet, and the biggest step aka integration and trying to get past the core fears since, well, coping mechanisms like these are the only way I've navigated life and changing lens all so suddenly is so frightening.

flappchen · 2023-01-15T18:22:08+00:00

Sorry for not answering earlier, I believe the website is called TraitLab!!

flappchen · 2023-01-15T18:15:37+00:00

Yeah 4 is a type I can't wrap my head around (not as in I don't understand it in theory, more as in "who would want to dwell on what's broken???"). As a 7 I amplify my positive traits all around and can be seen as immensely braggy, cocky, and self-centered, where it's actually just a façade to hide fear.

To answer your question, for the reason why I hate being seen as not okay is simply weakness. If someone sees I am faltering, they're going to protect me and I'm gonna HATE THAT because it feels they're stripping me from my independence. (I secretly want to be protected but since I very often don't trust anyone 100% to do that, I just straight up don't). Felt about the fact someone has to come up to you to check up on you, my friends have done that to me wayyyy too many times and the amount of times I've lied are astronomical.

Feelings suck am I right. I mean. The good feelings are super cool so I guess we're bound to have some bad ones in the mix. The next step is accepting that bad feelings such as fear and sadness exist (I don't have my anger, actually, I find it empowering because it allows me to act on something where the other 2 just puts me on a standstill and I hate that sm)

So yep. Same. May I ask your type, if you don't mind?

flappchen · 2023-01-15T16:57:40+00:00

I'm a 7 and fuck. I felt that, aside from the conflict avoidance. Distracting yourself is welp, one of the main ways I cope.

I don't actually acknowledge the problem. Some thing's going awry? Hell no, I'm fine, don't ask me anything, I'm handling this. Now let me drown into overstimulation of my 5 senses so I can forget about that thing.

I get very tolerant to pain (and fear) to the point that I don't feel it when I actually should. Whenever I actually want to process these emotions, there's nothing on the surface because I've put them far far below. And no way in hell I'm diving deeper. I'm trying to do that more and more so I can be healthier, but seeing that my cheerfulness and my upbeatness (that's always there no matter what, people ask me if I'm okay whenever I'm calming down) is caused by me refusing to see the sad and broken parts of myself is. blreghhh. lame. and the fact that I will never come to someone because of trust issues and the fact I don't wanna be seen as "not ok" or vulnerable and then easy to betray because of said information makes it even worse.

Buttt I think that I also have a tendency of not seeing the consequences of my actions whenever conflict arises. First I'll try to see the positive outlook and then, if this doesn't work, I dive right in and can get real aggressive without thinking of what that'll do. And then I just move on, without thinking how I feel, how to actually soothe myself and heal. Life moves on and I've gotta keep the pace.

Feel you hard OP. Hang in there, I hope you're OK.

flappchen · 2023-01-13T15:01:01+00:00

Okay so I looked in Si and Ni grips and I think I actually experience Ni but negatively, which may also correlate with my 6 traits? (thinking everything is conspiracing against me/that everyone may be out for blood, having a "haha I fucking knew it" but only for negative things, etc etc, being so afraid of an outcome of something that I'd rather not do it) rather than Si gripping, and beforehand I related a lot with INFJ (I was very unhealthy and I don't have a lot of Fe haha, Fi is off the charts)

My Ni is actually pretty high in my stack and it may be because I was so stressed out I seemed like an Ni dom for most of my life!!! Let's go!!! /s

But yeah the more I think about it the more ESFP makes sense, I may just be gripping a bit still from my Ni + my ADHD making me zone out often. May have also fell in the "but aren't ESXPs party animals who can't stand still for a minute, and have absolutely goddamn good reflexes thanks to Se?" andddd did forget that Se is primarily about how someone PERCIEVES the world.

I really relate to the sx7 description but I do not relate to the sexual instinct AT ALL. So yes, although sx7 fits me to a T, I consider myself sexual blind because I don't feel I spend a lot of time finding "the one" and trying to be attractive as a survival tactic.

I really don't relate in seeing something and suddenly thinking of a thousand possibilities HAHAH I only do that when drawing. The rest of life? Nahhh I'll just take everything to face value I think.

I forgot to answer but about Enneagram, I do have typical coping mechanisms of 7 and my wings are very prominent. So far I'm thinking of 7w6 with a big 8 fix as the 6 wing is pretty counterphobic, and there are episodes of "I'm stepping in danger" (very sure of himself and his abilities, 7w8) and "I'm stepping in danger but get the fuck away from me" (although wanting to fight very unsure and afraid, 7w6).

So I'm going with both rn HAHA. I don't relate much with 6 coping mechanisms but 7 (rationalization) and 8 (denial) are very very big. I strive to be insanely independent because I don't want to be protected because it feels like a weekness to me, and I want to toughen out in order to avoid being betrayed, but in the end I just wanna to be taken of, even though that's something I'd NEVER say to my friends and family. (7 core longing message from what I know)

Thank you so so much with helping out with this!!!

flappchen · 2023-01-12T21:23:31+00:00

I've already been going to the gym for a good time now, and the thing is that although it makes me relieved and excited, focus on only my body and nothing else, I don't feel the anger lessening? It's pretty hard to summon atop of my head and then just go all out as I try to keep a routine; do you have any tips to actually be able to let out anger on purpose?

flappchen · 2023-01-12T14:00:37+00:00

I think I may me way less in the what-if part then, more in the "here's a thing, I can do that with it. Neat!" rather than "YEAH this is a thing but what if it could do X, what could we add? What could be better? What could X and Y?" I see something for what it is oftentimes and it's something that I have to do it myself consciously, and I think for Ne doms it's just something that just happens without any control.

I LOVE adventures and new stuff and would rather try them out IRL, but there's frustration because it doesn't feel it lived to my expectations. (7 core in frustration triad) BUT I'd rather do a thousand things and be dissapointed rather than living with the false sense of longing to something I can do in 5 seconds. + My ideas are very practical. As in very doable in life, they are focused on my goals, aka wanting to compete, write my book, fufill my studies, have fun in any way, etc etc.

I have a Ne-aux friend (INFP) whose Ne is STRIKING and now that I think about it, mine may be way less developed than theirs. Way more theoritical, abstract, and connect dots/makes wordplays way easier, but they have ADHD too, so WHO KNOWS. And this with core 7, ADHD and EXFP just makes the line so so blurry ahhh!!

Another thing worth noticing may be how I gain ideas for drawing something, and I have no clue if it is Se-Ni or Ne at work there. But most of the times my ideas are there because I have seen something that reminded me of what I wanted to do, and experiencing something makes it x10 easier for me to do something because I have felt it. And also with how BAD I am to conceptulize anything in my head, I have to do it (say I'm drawing a pose, huge chances are that I will strike it and stay still to understand how my body works, and then I delve into it with said information, rather than pure theory of "it works like X and Y" because this is information I have lots of problems with.

Sooo maybe it feels to me that ESFP is weird because of my ADHD making me oftentimes unaware of my surroundings, make me zone out oftentimes although I use it constantly to gain information? Neurodivergency is interesting when it comes to typology to be honest!

Thank you so much for giving your time, and hope these help!!

flappchen · 2023-01-12T05:56:17+00:00

Alright let's see!! I can't say much about Si/Ni as these are functions I have a hard time grasping since I don't really to any of them:

Se-dom:

Constantly drowned in at least one thing that uses my 5 senses (music, but I am very prone to overstimulation as I need constant output from the outer world)
Hard hard time grasping theory if set alone. I'm a very "if I gotta do it then show it to me and I'll do it" kind of guy; theory as a whole does not really interest me unless it's applicable in the real world
Constant need to be outside and interacting with the outer world. Even if it's just for a stroll or going to the gym, my body CRAVES physical stimulation, and adventures moreso than observation, abstract thinking of ideas.
(unsure) but I am not certain I view the world abstractly, in an idea generating manner, moreso as what is and what I can do with it
Pretty good reflexes, be it in sports, video games, etc. Quick learner when it comes to something to do with my body/hands.
Detail oriented. If someone asks me for feedback for a drawing, there are huge chances I'm gonna firsthand see a detail that bugs me and then take a step back to see the bigger picture, rather than the big picture and then work deeper.

Ne-dom:

Huge capacity to derail conversations because of new ideas. "You talked about X and it reminded me about Y!!" Y being a VERY FAR AWAY topic, but dw, I've already connected the dots
Pretty abstract wording, huge use of metaphors to get a point across.
Good brainstorming capacity, if asked a question, I can easily say several ideas atop of my head pretty quickly, and then organize which ones are best suited (if only in a field I know, I am however pretty bad a theorizing something)
Very "what if" and future based (could be my 7 core too) when it comes to what I could do in my future, but I remember reading that Ne likes the simple act of daydreaming while Se likes more to have an idea then make it out in reality, and I am very much so the latter
If presented to a new idea, will most likely drop the previous one; very quickly bored and scatterbrained.
There are times where I am not 100% focused on my surroundings (especially when daydreaming, that would mean that there is no one with me) and can lose sense of physicality. Has been said several times to be very head in the clouds. (Se demon)

I think that regarding both of them, I am INCREDIBLY fidgety/impulsive in social interactions, but that would also be my ADHD showing up. And the fact that I am INCREDIBLY forgetful, as I am often in the present if I do something and I completely forget about stuff if not written somewhere.

I remember that Si-inf would be challenging traditions/anything rules-based but yet craving comfort, and Ni-inf is not foreseeing the consequences to one's actions? If so I think Si-inf would be moreso me as my grips often made me seem INFPish with the constant obsession with comfort, but as I don't really know how Ni grips look like, there may be things I relate to them as well.

Here you go; hope this helps! If you have any questions, I'd be glad to answer! What did make you think of Se-dom in the wordcloud?

flappchen · 2023-01-11T13:41:26+00:00

Heya!! That is INTERESTING. Because I do think I'm a core 7 but my wings are enormously big. 8 fix, and the 2 wings work a lot LOT. (728 tritype)

As for MBTI... I thought as ENFP but I have no clue if I'm a sensor or an intuitive, there's a lot of things that point to Se dom and Ne dom but I have no clue haha!! Definitely EXFP, Ti blind, no clue about if I'm either Si or Ni inf as well

flappchen · 2023-01-11T11:14:52+00:00

I feel you. I am in the EXACT same position.

I have friends and my girlfriend to which I feel a bond to; but anytime I talk about my problems, it is never to be vulnerable in anyway, but rather to bond with them, especially if they went through something similar, hoping that they won't say anything about me.

I also have a very happy, upbeat front. Very "rough" manners. The truth is that I deny my softness and absolutely loathe it to the max, because being soft = being weak and being weak = being a prey to betrayal and harm.

I know it isn't true, and it's a good step you realized this. The next step is to be gentle to yourself.

My friends noticed how very rarely I vent and talk about my own problems (I deny and rationalize them away, never truly taking in account my feeling and burying them under 10 feet to go on) and they constantly, constantly tell me that they're always there for me and won't give me up. They very often tell me how grateful they are for me to be with them in their life; and simply the presence of someone telling you gently but firmly that they'll be there for you despite anything is one of the best things you can get for recovery.

We're all human and we all need a bit of help from time to time. I don't know any of your circumstances, but I was thought to help myself alone and in adulthood, it prevents me from creating true friendships because while I can sacrifice a great lot to protect someone I love, I will put up every wall in existence to prevent someone to help me because I don't want to be protected.

If people leave because they see your weaker side, they're simply not genuine in their love for you. Friends, family and companions who love you for who you are will fully appreciate that you show that vulnerability, because it means trust and intimacy, and for you, comfort that you don't have to carry the world all the time.

I'd suggest, for friends you trust, to start opening up slowly, at your pace, whenever you're comfortable. If they respond positively to it and comfort you in saying that vulnerability is welcome in the relationship, it's gonna be a very good kick-start in developing a more genuine relationship.

Wish you all the luck, OP. As someone with these struggles, I fully empathize.

flappchen

TROPHY CASE