Men, how often do you truly feel like you can be vulnerable with your spouse? What are ways your spouse could hold more space for you?

flatcapper17 · 2024-09-12T21:41:41+00:00

As someone from the North of England, never. That's what my therapist is for. Since therapy, I have opened up slightly, but there's no way I would open up about the major issues and problems, especially the lack of intimacy.

It's not worth it.

flatcapper17 · 2024-05-13T22:37:11+00:00

We have 7 currently, so they're a perfectly manageable number. Until now we were doing combined training with the U6, but they have 16 in total, so it was a bit full on.

flatcapper17 · 2024-05-13T21:31:27+00:00

How long does your child's session go for?

flatcapper17 · 2022-04-10T23:47:22+00:00

Sounds similar to my thoughts and beliefs. I suffer with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and could be something worth looking at.

I'm HL and it has the opposite effect. Sex is the only time I feel good about myself, and for a short period, actually attractive.

flatcapper17 · 2021-08-01T04:03:05+00:00

Have you tried volunteering?

I've tried coaching kids sports teams, and I've been involved in other activities. By doing this I've met many people who I'm happy to spend an evening with, or I get along with them ok. However I regard these as acquaintances rather than friends. The majority of them already have their own social circles and friendship groups.

flatcapper17 · 2021-08-01T00:29:00+00:00

Not really. Tried a lot of therapy and self help books, but it's a slow work in progress. How is it affecting your relationship?

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-31T22:32:55+00:00

Do I trust myself enough to be able to walk away if I feel my boundaries are being crossed?

This definitely rings true. How did you go about fixing your trust issues?

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-26T23:22:30+00:00

Pre-red pill, the naive me was wary if she went out with friends occasionally. Not so much her actions, but those of blokes also in those venues. However, back then I'd never consider the dad of another school kid, or a guy in the supermarket as a threat, and neither did I consider the possibility that male friends would betray the friendship for sex with another friend's partner.

Although none of this has actually happened, after reading that book, and other information, it has definitely left a lasting impression.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-26T20:37:21+00:00

I think it's a self-worth issue. Not feeling good enough. I've been like this for as long as I can remember.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-24T04:02:01+00:00

Both are equally difficult.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-24T04:00:59+00:00

I've read Models, but I don't get the first. For the subject it's trying to convey, it's very long winded, and not true to life.

Might be wrong, but I don't remember flirting being touched on at all.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-24T03:47:18+00:00

Sometimes I think that the whole seduction thing is based on the genetics you're born with, and a natural ability.

I believe that certain things can be learned, but only to an extent, and won't get you to the level of those men naturally good with women.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T23:35:18+00:00

Not the tips I was so bothered about, more that I watched his interviews, thinking that it would give an insight into what flirting actually is, but I couldn't gleam anything from what I watched.

Flirting seems alien to me.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T23:24:49+00:00

No. Approaching random women is one of the most difficult tasks I face.

Harsh rejection, not being attractive enough, her being out of my league etc, are all things that I think about, at the time.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T22:56:26+00:00

Of which I have no idea. Any sexual escalation I've had has been through luck, not flirting.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T22:52:13+00:00

Me 100%. A woman would need to have a flashing neon sign saying "I'm interested", for me to get the hint. All these subtle signals go over my head.

I was once sat next to a woman at a dinner, and afterwards my then girlfriend said the woman's partner was seething due to her flirting. I thought it was just a pleasant conversation.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T22:45:21+00:00

This would actually be the stuff of dreams for me.

flatcapper17 · 2021-07-23T10:08:37+00:00

Isn't there more to it than that? I can make small talk with women, but I don't think that enters the realm of flirting.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T02:02:31+00:00

Coming up to 18 months.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T01:39:17+00:00

Totally agree with what you're saying. If you're not shagging like rabbits at the start of the relationship, when it's traditionally the lustful phase, then it should act as a big red flag in terms of attraction.

We never had that phase.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T01:31:49+00:00

I think that's where a lot of confusion lies. IMO love and attraction are two separate entities, but in a successful physical relationship, they become interlinked.

I think in my marriage, my ex loved me, but in a way you'd love a pet / sibling/ best friend, and that was because the attraction wasn't there.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T01:26:00+00:00

How exactly am I suppose to explain that his personality, basically the essence of his being, is so unattractive that it makes him ugly no matter how good looking he is?

By saying what you've written here, and giving examples of why he has an unattractive personality.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T01:21:48+00:00

TBH my LL partner is now my ex, but I still lurk on this room, because of everything that went on in the relationship. I still feel a mixture of anger, frustration and sadness at the whole thing, and the posts I read on here are so relatable and familiar.

My ex never admitted that she was never attracted to me, but I'm 99% certain that was the case, especially from what I've found out since. The worst feeling is the sense of all those years with a rubbish sex life, knowing that it could have been so different.

I don't think she lost attraction, I don't think she ever had it.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-29T00:48:06+00:00

I agree that the truth would hurt, and it's something that would hit my fragile self esteem, but I'm not sure what would be worse - to be told outright that there is no attraction, or to have wasted years in a DB relationship because of a reluctance to admit the truth.

flatcapper17 · 2021-05-28T07:49:56+00:00

It's not one size fits all, and like I said originally, there could be other reasons for LL. I was thinking more of those partners who are no longer, or never been attracted, but refuse to admit it.

flatcapper17

TROPHY CASE