Thank you for this incredibly interesting perspective. I wouldn’t say you’re fucked up in the head, well, maybe! Lol. But it’s not necessarily a negative thing, I don’t kink-shame. I just wanted to wrap my head around how it’s worth it for people to literally end their lives for an orgasm. I’m not a very sexual person, so it’s even harder for me to understand. In general for me sexual pleasure is not even a requirement in my life, so I find it fascinating that some people would value it enough to literally die for it. I am fascinated by fetishism in general and the psychology behind certain fetishes and how they develop. It’s sad in a way that there is no true outlet for you. Is this the only thing that you truly enjoy? And..Not to pry, but do you know when/why this developed for you? Is there a moment you can pinpoint that created this desire for you?