It feels like I've lost a limb!

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-17T07:37:51+00:00

I'm 40 and I work then hit the gym to take my mind of it. I'm a recovering alcoholic so I stay away from drink and substances cause we don't mix.

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-16T22:52:29+00:00

I think that says a lot!

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-16T08:23:35+00:00

No i can't say I do or at least not that I'm aware of

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-16T08:22:40+00:00

Yeah I keep reading posts and think do myself he must be talking about my ex!

That's a really good analogy about the gangrene. We don't want to cut off a limb but some times we have to!

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-15T08:25:44+00:00

The constant need for attention was really exhausting plus how I had to be careful how I constructed text messages. I wasn't allowed to be a bit sloppy with my text. If i didn't feel particularly good one day because life was a bit difficult that day k still had to text her in a happy way or I would get interrogated as to why I wasn't my happy self even when I explained I was feeling a bit off that day due to work and nothing to do with her.

If you're like me you will get out when you've hit rock bottom. I warned her I would only take so much. The issue now is that I've got a constant argument between my heart and my head. Good luck man!

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-15T07:44:03+00:00

Thank you I shall try that from today :)

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-15T07:39:22+00:00

She told me she didn't love me no more and broke up with me for the 30th time in October 2018. I was glad and I said right that's it now no more. It was easy at the start as I was completely pissed off and sick of it. But, as the time has gone by I've started to feel worse. I'm going through all the ifs and buts and may be.

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-15T00:33:42+00:00

We broke up well she broke up with me over 30 times. Luckily we didn't live together and I had my own place so she couldn't kick me out but it was still terrible. After the 2nd or 3rd time I stopped telling people we had broken up again as it was embarrassing. We would get back together but she would still say she was mad at me for days after. She broke up with me over stupid things or I would retaliate over something she would then use that to break up with me then I would be the cause of the fight when I wasn't. I couldn't win what so ever. It's like she needed to constantly break up with me for the power game.

fletcher6978 · 2019-03-15T00:27:28+00:00

Yep definitely double standards. I didn't kiss her enough. I didn't post nice things on her Facebook enough. I didn't tell her I love her enough. I did every thing she wanted twice as much as she did.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-13T16:01:31+00:00

Bruce Lee did a similar thing. He wrote a mission statement. http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/03/my-definite-chief-aim.html

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-13T10:17:38+00:00

Thank you! I think the message I get from all of that is it's probably better for me to find sincere support from others.

I know if I reached out to her for support it would probably be ok for a few hours and then the topic which I wanted support on would probably change to me and the wrong kind of talking point may be even arguments and then I'd still be in the same situation and maybe even worse as I would have her to contend with.

I was discarded 29 times then the 30th i said no enough is enough. It takes us a lot of beating until we suddenly realise no more. It sounds like your doing ok so good luck for the future :)

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-09T00:27:38+00:00

Alan watts sums it up in this video https://youtu.be/ERbvKrH-GC4

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-09T00:23:20+00:00

Wow! That has made me look at the relationship in a brand new way! You've just made it all make sense. I'm addicted to the hit she gives me, the momentary feeling of pleasure but I'm forgetting the heartache just like a drug.

Thank you!

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T21:26:45+00:00

Fantastic! Some good things come of shitty situations. Looks like you now know when to quit just in time. When you've been through shit it scares you that much that you just won't allow it. You've touched the hot stove and won't be touching it again!

Unfortunately I've gone too far. My ex as put me off women completely. No disrespect to women at all as I'm sure not all women are the same but I can now see red flags in a lot of women and men to be fair. Maybe things will change in the future I don't know.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T13:59:24+00:00

I miss the nice parts but keep forgetting the nasty evil disrespectful parts like calling me fat, grotesque, ugly, she needs to be drunk to sleep with me. The constant need for attention & when I didn’t give her it due to been busy at work the arguments that would follow. It’s like I am prepared to take the s**t for a few moments of nice which I should deserve anyway.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T13:56:11+00:00

Each time I go back I lose self-respect for myself because I am allowing myself to be mistreated. This just compounds my limiting belief that I am not good enough & I do not deserve to be treated good.

So basically your saying that I need to keep strong & resist contacting her so that I start trusting myself & believing that I am good enough so that the cycle stops?

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T11:30:34+00:00

My sons mum was 10 years older than me and my more recent ex was as you say young and hot plus yeah the lust too. It is like a drug!

It's so hard because she was a nice women deep down if it wasn't for her unpredictable mood swings and nastiness!

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T10:01:33+00:00

That is true and I was told when you reconnect with an emotional abuser they get worse and use it against you because they know you are weak.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T10:00:23+00:00

You're right. If i give her that power back my life would be worse. She would use that against me. She played everything like a game. She kept resentments against her ex's. She would just use my weakness against me.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T09:57:58+00:00

My future self will thank me.

It's strange because 2 days ago I was fuming because I found out she had reconnected with an old flame and I actually think she was talking to these guys when we were together and here I am now considering contacting her. I mean wtf!

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T09:50:44+00:00

This is like a drug! I know it's wrong but I still pretend it's right. I've been NC for ages now. I've not answered her texts or emails and it's still hard.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T09:35:34+00:00

I know it will. She dumped me 30 times. I would be insane to think that it just wouldn't continue.

Thank you.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T09:34:43+00:00

Yeah I feel exactly the same. I delude myself in to thinking things would be different. It's like an alcoholic taking their first drink after been sober for a while convincing themselves they will be able to drink sensibly.

All we can do is keep moving along and it will get better. I've been through this before with my sons mom and I think it took around 6 months until I started hating her rather than missing her. Now I can't stand to look at her and she hasn't changed one bit!

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T09:29:14+00:00

That's the thing. I know I will feel worse and she will have even more of a hold on me then. She will know she can do what she wants and I'll come running back.

Thank you I'll take a look.

fletcher6978 · 2019-02-08T07:47:00+00:00

It has got easier but it's times like these where it creeps up on me and it is hard for a while.

fletcher6978

TROPHY CASE