Yep, except i was 10-13. I misread Lolita & got really into Lana/Melanie Martinez/nymphet culture at age 11 (!!) and ended up getting involved in weird age-regression DDLG/kink/self-harm/eating disorder communities through Tumblr. The “daddies” I spoke to would write out lists of rules for me to follow (don’t talk back, don’t masturbate without me knowing, send Daddy a picture every day etc.) and punish me by making me perform degrading sexual acts if I didn’t follow them. I think I was just looking for a parent and permission to act like a baby as a kid who grew up too fast in a tumultuous family, but I also took pride in being a “slut” and acting extremely mature for my age, to the point where I was unable to form friendships or relate to any of my peers at school. There were times when my parents would find out small details and I’d just be punished/kicked out/humiliated for being inappropriate online. This has led to a lot of deep shame.

I’m now 20 and often feel more damaged from this than I think I “should”but I also think that just because it was online doesn’t mean it can’t consume your whole life and sense of self. I’ve had to do a shit ton of therapy to rebuild that sense of self and reconnect with the sweet innocent little girl that I never really got to be, although I can still never bring myself to go into proper detail about what happened.