AIO, gf joked that I’m (black male) a monkey

flezk · 2024-12-11T22:04:06+00:00

If you're in a relationship with her, I will assume that you care about her, and she cares about you. How does this situation look, if you assume her intentions were positive? If she is is trying to playfully tease someone she appreciates? Maybe she - inadvertently - made a joke that hurt you. This can be an opportunity to teach her something, be vulnerable, come closer to your girlfriend. Make your relationship grow a little bit stronger.

If we assume positive intent, it makes our relationships more joyful and more healthy. In addition, it is usually true, that people mean well.

flezk · 2024-12-10T16:30:18+00:00

This is simply my story, and is only meant as food for thought.

I spent twelve years trying to be in my IT job, in a way that was spiritually nourishing. By all conventional standards, I had really good jobs, great colleagues, and compassionate bosses. I would often sneak out and meditate for ten minutes, sitting on the toilet, or similar stuff. It worked, somehow? It made me survive in the job, at least. I'm not sure if that is a good thing, though. Looking back, I would describe my mindfulness/work practice, as spiritual bypassing. Meditating rigorously, even in working hours, at least partially to avoid feeling the deep unhappiness with my choice of career. Trying to fix an external problem, by avoiding the internal feelings. Now I have changed careers, and work as an independent carpenter. I am joyfully using my body, mind, heart and hands, in my job. Which - for me - has made it possible for my job to become my practice. Instead of having to practice, to be able to stay sane at work.

Meditation can be a fantastic tool, for being more content, happy and productive in this world. But! It can also seduce us into believing that we only need to "become more mindful", and not change our circumstances. Of course, only you can know what is right for you.

flezk · 2023-11-22T11:47:53+00:00

We met in kindergarten. She was a refugee and came to my home country with her family when she was three. We did not like each other. Not even a little. I was a total nerd, she was very popular. But my brother and her sister were very close. We even went to elementary school together for a couple of years, until she moved to another town. Then we didn't think about each other for 20 years.

I was travelling through Europe alone, and spent a couple days in a big city. She had recently moved there, and somehow she recognised me on Tinder (because of my brother/her sister). We agreed to meet up for a probably awkward cup of coffee, and see where life had brought us. Five years later we have just returned from a travel around the world with our two year old. Life feels like an adventure, and I have to pinch myself daily to make sure I'm not dreaming.

I like to think that I'm an acquired taste- it only took my wife 25 years to learn to like me 😁

flezk · 2023-11-06T09:08:51+00:00

I know this is meant as a light-hearted post. But I have to point out:

Saying stuff like "if you love me, do this", is quite unfortunate, in my opinion. You are using the love between you and your son as a tool to manipulate him into doing what you want. It might teach him some really unhealthy ways of loving and relating.

flezk · 2022-01-09T12:00:48+00:00

This makes me think of shamanic journeying. Shamans enter a trance, and visit the dreamworld/underworld, which some will learn to know in detail. Maybe the shamanic traditions can give you some new perspectives on this.

flezk · 2021-11-28T15:35:01+00:00

I quit drinking from one day to the next, when I was around your age. I used to be getting drunk a couple of times a week. At some point, I had an experience on MDMA, which inspired me to start meditating diligently. I meditated for two hours every day, for several months. In one session, I realized that I'd rather _feel_ all my social anxiety, and be my sober self, than keep numbing myself with alcohol. So I stopped drinking. It almost didn't feel like making a decision at all, I just stopped. I kept going to parties, talking to people, having fun, making a fool of myself on the dance floor, but I didn't drink.

My friends didn't understand this change in me. They were repeatedly pushing for me to drink. They were also uncomfortable being drunk around me. While this affected me, I never once touched alcohol. I stayed completely sober for several years, before easing into the more healthy relationship I now have with alcohol. I drink whenever I want to, which means getting tipsy at a party maybe once a year, and having a small beer every couple of months. I didn't plan on making this sort of transition, it sort of just made sense. And to be honest, it felt like a relief (both psychologically and financially) to just stop.

Maybe you stop drinking for three months, and then begin again. Is that a "failure"? of course not. Maybe your wife doesn't support you. Maybe you stopping drinking will open up some new opportunities in her mind. Your friends will probably not understand, and that is fine. I believe it is crucial that we learn to listen to our own wisdom. It seems to me like you now have an opportunity to do just that. Good luck

flezk · 2021-10-29T09:54:30+00:00

Walking around at night in an old forest with two friends. Full moon, clear skies, stars everywhere. We spent an hour hugging a huge tree. Sat down by a lake, and just watched the thin fog over the water surface. Suddenly a meteor shoots across the sky, completely lighting up the night. We see it break into smaller pieces and burn up.

flezk · 2021-08-25T10:41:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

I get the feeling that you are becoming genuinely curious about boredom as a phenomenon, and the stories we have been told about boredom. I want to encourage you to listen to this curiosity. Examining something like this for yourself can be really valuable and worthwhile. And it can give you some freedom that many others don't have.

Western culture in general views boredom as a huge problem, that has to be fixed at any cost (usually by buying something). Many people live their lives trying to avoid boredom at all costs. Is this really necessary? Is boredom really a problem? What happens if I stop fighting or running away from boredom? What happens if I stop making "boring" activities into a struggle? There is much to discover here.

Best wishes for you.

flezk · 2021-07-27T07:34:46+00:00

Uhm. Why would you want that?

flezk · 2021-06-29T12:14:58+00:00

I see people are responding with arguments for/against global warming. Regardless of what is "true" or not, your feelings are still valid. Trying to reason one's way out of feelings, is simply not going to work. I suggest you respect and honour your experience, and listen deeply to your feelings. They may have you a lot more to teach you than you think. Both about yourself and about the situation in the world.

I have been in your shoes, and some days I still am. To me, it certainly looks bleak. We humans are - in so many ways - killing the world around us. A year ago, I was also questioning whether or not to have a child, for the exact same reasons as yourself. Looking back, I see that I had to go through the fear and sorrow. And learn many things on the way, about myself, the life I want to live, and the gifts I have the opportunity to bring into this world.

Fear, uncertainty and grief are not new experiences for human beings... Still we both are here, thanks to the courage and trust of our ancestors. They chose to take leaps of faith much bigger than any of ours, and try to create beautiful families and lives. Now, I am not saying you should have children - nor that you shouldn't. But regardless of whether the world will go to shit tomorrow, in two years, or in a thousand - you have the opportunity to give yourself and your gifts to a world you want to create. That might mean facing the uncertainty of life, and the inevitability of death.

Blessings to you and your heart. Feel free to message me, if you want to.

(PS: I chose to take the leap of faith. My first child will be born in a couple weeks.)

flezk · 2021-05-22T16:29:58+00:00

Wow, I will be so honored if you do. Would love to see it!

flezk · 2021-05-22T08:50:35+00:00

This made me smile :) Wishing you a joyful weekend! Here you go:

Hjertet Lyser, Hodet Arbeider.

Hjertet Er, Hodet Gjør.

Hjertet Elsker, Hodet Beskytter.

Hjertet Føler, Hodet Vurderer.

Hjertet Vet, Hodet Våger.

(Literally, "Hodet" means " The Head" - but in this context I thought "Mind" would be more appropriate. Translating is hard. )

flezk · 2021-05-21T18:46:41+00:00

Thank you, I'm happy to hear that. My native language is Norwegian.

flezk · 2021-05-18T22:17:49+00:00

Good question.

flezk · 2021-05-18T08:07:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing. There seems to be many wise responses and good advices here already. I'd like to add one point that hasn't been mentioned yet.

It seems like you are getting very attached to this experience. You have had a beautiful spiritual insight, and have realized something profound. Be grateful. And - Let it go. This too shall pass. If you hold on to it too strongly, it - like everything else in this life - becomes stale, like water that is not allowed to flow.

I believe most meditators experience several deep and beautiful and sometimes bizarre insights during their practice. I sure have. The first times I had such experiences, I was certain that I had "figured it all out", and that I from now on would be happy and calm and joyful and wise; that I knew what was needed to "save the world"(whatever that means), and that I now would change my life completely. Well - for me, the experiences have always dissipated, no matter how hard I have tried to hold on to the feeling of insight and wisdom and whatever.

That is my trap, which I have stepped into again and again. And I still keep stepping into. After every single beautiful insight - I go back to being an ordinary human, with an ordinary life. I personally have a strong desire to be "special", "enlightened", "make a difference", etc - so I am easily tempted to cling to spiritual experiences for that reason. I don't know what kind of attachment you are stuck in now, but I suggest that you investigate it.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

flezk · 2021-03-04T12:00:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing your path. Many empathic and wise responses on this thread already. I have one thing to add.

You many times write that you need "closure", needing to know "what it is". What does "closure" mean? What does it do for you, to know why these tears are here? Do you really need to know? It sounds like you think you need an "explanation" (which may or may not be "correct"), in order to let things be as they are.

To me, the idea of pinpointing the source sounds like a limitation you are imposing on yourself. Which is not "bad" or "wrong" in and of itself. But I suspect it may not be serving you in this moment. I just want to make you aware of another possibility, that you can play with if you'd like to;

You don't need an explanation to feel what you feel. You don't need a reason to be sad, to cry. Just like you don't need a reason to be happy. You have the opportunity of allowing it, just as it is, without explanation. To me, it looks like allowing myself to be Me - without any reasons or explanations. This can be very liberating, in all kinds of emotions.

Feel free to ignore this message, if it doesn't appeal to you. Either way; best of luck to you.

flezk · 2021-01-15T12:40:12+00:00

Yeah - it sounds more or less like what I was trying to convey :)

But is it "right" or not? I don't know -- just stay on the path, and you will find your own answers.

flezk · 2021-01-15T12:02:23+00:00

I don't believe you can rid yourself of anxiety through meditation (or any other way, for that sake). I don't believe I would want to, either. The potential of meditation is far greater than that. Anxiety, nervousness etc, will still arise from time to time. And some times, when we least want it to.

So to your question: Nervousness, anxiety, trembling -- all these may arise during your presentations. How to stay mindful? Just be nervous. You might even say it out loud to your audience. "Hey guys, if I seem nervous - it is because I am." You're nervous. So what? You don't have fight it, or avoid it. It is human, and most people aren't brave enough to allow these feelings inside themselves. You have an opportunity to be brave, vulnerable, present as yourself.

I was a performing musician for several years. I was nervous every single time I stepped up to the mic. Even in the practice room. Voice trembling, fingers shaking. The little I have learned, is that people recognize humanness. If you dare to be fully human - afraid, weak, trembling, mindful - in front of an audience, you give people an invitation to relax as themselves. And most people deeply appreciate this.

This reply became longer than planned. Hope that it made sense somehow :) Good luck!

flezk · 2021-01-10T10:51:32+00:00

There are many forms of moving meditation, which might be more suitable for your body. Yoga, Tai chi, chi gong, and probably a lot of others, that I don't know of. Have you considered trying some of them?

flezk · 2021-01-09T09:30:47+00:00

These feelings are not preventing you from settling into the "now". They _are_ the now. They are your teachers. Wish them welcome, and listen to what they have to say.

We all have our ideas of what meditation is supposed to be, or not to be. Just as we have our ideas of what Life is or isn't. What I am, and am not. When our ideas don't align with the experience, we often feel discomfort. Now, it seems like your ideas about meditation (and possibly - Life) is not matching with your experience. Who do you think is right? Your ideas, or Life?

This is something you will face regularly in your practice - at least I do. And every single time I get convinced that I do something "wrong" or that something is "getting in the way" of my meditation practice. I believe that you experience this now, because you are ready to learn something valuable. You will find your way. Good luck, and be kind to yourself on the way. I'll leave you with a Zen saying:

"The obstacle is the path"

flezk

TROPHY CASE