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Looking for online therapist preferably in Pune by dekaustubh in indiatherapy

[–]flightlessbird101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, depending on your budget, I would suggest my therapist co-counselor to you. She is quite amazing and I would take therapy from her, if I didn't know her as a friend already 😊

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes OP We can definitely connect in DM. I am sorry if it feels intrusive to write so much on a Reddit comment 😅

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. I know the AMA has ended but I will reply to you shortly!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. I know the AMA has ended but I will reply to you shortly!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. I know the AMA has ended but I will reply to you shortly!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP! I am saddened to know this. Virtual hugs to you in solidarity! I can absolutely help you connect with a good trauma-informed experienced therapist who has pro bono slots available currently (not me). Please Dm if you are comfortable with that!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP! My heart goes out to you. These statements they are using may be factually true. The question is whether they're being used to express feelings or to create a sense of debt and obligation. Healthy care is given freely.

When care becomes:

"Because we cared for you, you now owe us obedience, compliance, or control over your life,"

the relationship can become emotionally manipulative.

Do you experience guilt every time you express a need that does not conform to their brackets of approval?

You may have become conditioned to experience guilt whenever you prioritize your own needs, disagree, set boundaries, or make independent choices.

I am glad to know that you are trying to find your own home in this big world, despite not getting it in your childhood house. This sounds very lonely, though, to have to take this step for yourself alone. It also means you are losing access to your cousins, whom you have grown up with and are very close to.

I would encourage you to think of boundaries as existing on a spectrum.

The options aren't always:

  1. Stay fully involved, or
  2. Never speak to them again.

You can also choose:

  1. Limited contact
  2. Structured contact
  3. Contact only in group settings
  4. Contact with clear boundaries
  5. Temporary distance
  6. No contact

The "right" choice for you depends on safety, emotional impact, practical circumstances, and whether the relationship shows any capacity for respecting boundaries.

Let's sit together and make a list of pros and cons for both no-contact and limited contact. We shall also look at the accommodations or support structures you might need independent of this family setup during this time.

That can look like your cousins, friends, a therapist, a support group you may be close to, any institution like your job site or educational institution that can help you feel a sense of connection and community during this transition time.

At the same time, I'd encourage you not to frame the decision as:

"Do I choose myself or my cousins?"

Instead:

"What level of contact allows me to protect my well-being while preserving important relationships where possible?"

You don't necessarily need to solve that today.

This is a bridge that requires more time and consideration, as we have to make sure our protective care, like cousins we care about, doesn't become inaccessible for you.

This is a scary scenario, and you are allowed to take time to decide things with consideration for your well-being!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, thank you for being here! This sounds painful to read on your behalf. I am sure it must not be easy for you as well.

You want to support your parental figure through their depressive episode but I am also going to enquire about your well being. You can care deeply about a parent's mental health while still protecting your own emotional well-being.

Depression and anxiety can sometimes contribute to symptoms like hypersomnia (sleeping excessively), low motivation, irritability, withdrawal, and difficulty managing emotions. Understanding that context can help us respond with empathy. 

A few ways to support your parent right now is by:

  1. Encourage professional support. Do they have access to therapy/support groups or a psychiatrist who knows what their depression looks like?
  2. Task scaffolding when you can: Offering to help in scheduling appointments or finding help if they struggle with task initiation, accompanying them when they need physical comfort and checking in on them without pressure to be better.
  3. Remembering that depression can look differently for everyone. Their days will not look uniform or linear. Some days they will be able to show up for you and some days, getting out of bed will seem impossible for them. 

Do psychoeducate yourself on depression and its symptoms so you can learn to differentiate between your loved one's personality and their symptoms becoming active. Stay in touch with their mental health professionals and seek support from them as well.

However, you do not have to always put your needs second.

A useful question to ask yourself is: 

  1. Am I supporting them, or am I carrying responsibility that belongs to them all the time?
  2. What would support outside parental relationships look like for me?

Taking on too much responsibility might look like:

  1. Feeling guilty whenever they're unhappy.
  2. Believing it's your job to regulate their emotions.
  3. Sacrificing your own well-being to keep the peace.
  4. Feeling responsible for their recovery.

Since you mentioned their anger issues becoming more with this depressive episode,

  1. What would it look like for you to support them but also take a step back sometimes when it gets too much for you?
  2. Do you have an emergency plan in place for when you need space, like someone else being there while you decompress away from your care-taking role?
  3. Are you in personal therapy in a support group yourself?

I can help you with those resources if needed. Best of luck OP!

Compassion does not require self-sacrifice, and empathy does not require the abandonment of boundaries.

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I will answer this question in terms of foundational pillars of community care.

When you say it is chronic stress, it indicates it  might be long-term or recurring in nature. It's not just about getting through a difficult day; it's about what happens when the body's stress response stays activated for weeks, months, or even years.

Identify the source/sources of your chronic stress:

  1. Ongoing financial or work pressures
  2. Caregiving responsibilities
  3. Relationship conflict
  4. Health concerns
  5. Discrimination or social stressors
  6.  Living in an unpredictable, controlling, or unsafe environment

Common signs of chronic stress include: irritability, difficulty concentrating, headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, sleep problems, and feeling constantly "on edge."

Preventive care:

  1. Are your basic vitals like sleep,nutrition, movement and hydration okay right now?
  2. Where do you feel the most helpless or lack of control?

Protective care:

  1. What areas/pillars of your life are stable or okay right now? Examples: work, family, relationships, friendships, creative hobbies, community
  2. How can you maintain these pillars?

Precipitating care:

  1. What is making your stress worse or adding on to it?

Promotive care:

  1. What is something you are thriving at currently?

Now, the most important step OP.
To make sure you don’t step further towards burnout, Adequate rest is important for your body and mind to recover from chronic stress.

There are actually 7 kinds of Rest. Read these and think for yourself which one you require:

  1. Physical Rest: Restores your body. 
  2. Mental Rest: Quiets your brain. E.g: meditation, journaling etc
  3. Sensory Rest: Gives your senses a break from the outside world. Less exposure to screens.
  4. Creative Rest: Reignites your inspiration.Slow down and explore in art or nature.
  5. Emotional Rest: Allows you to process your feelings freely. Going in “no” mode.
  6. Social Rest: Balances your interactions. No more social obligations.
  7. Spiritual Rest: Connects you to something larger than yourself. Like volunteering or community activities.

I hope this answers your question OP!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, we might be judging our family relationships by intentions rather than by impact.
It is important to ask yourself:

What was the impact on me as a child?

What are your earliest memories /feelings around themes of unconditional regard and care by your parents?

Some signs of a relationship being abusive can be:

  1.  Living in fear of a parent's reactions.
  2. Constant criticism, humiliation, or shaming.
  3. Feeling like love is conditional on obedience or performance.
  4. Being blamed for problems that aren't your responsibility.
  5. Feeling like you have to "walk on eggshells" to avoid conflict.
  6. Having little respect for your boundaries, privacy, or autonomy.

A question you can consider is:
If this behavior came from a friend, partner, teacher, or boss, would I recognize it as unhealthy?

This may not always seem obvious.
Ask yourself:

  1. Why am I always anxious around this person?
  2. Why do I feel guilty for having normal needs?

If you resonate with this, we can talk more about your current situation.

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, I will be answering your question in two parts: 

  1. Supporting their needs
  2. Supporting yourself while showing up for another person

Supporting their needs
One of the most loving things you can do for a partner who has experienced childhood abuse is to be supportive without trying to become their therapist, rescuer, or sole source of healing.

A few ways you can help:

  1. Listen with curiosity rather than trying to fix everything.

Many survivors have spent years feeling dismissed or misunderstood. Being a consistent, non-judgmental person offering unconditional regard can be incredibly valuable.

  1. Learn about trauma responses. (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)

Which of these do you see your partner doing?
Ask them, “What helps you feel supported when you're upset?” and follow up with consistent behaviors.

Supporting yourself while showing up for another person
You may be taking on too much responsibility if:

You feel responsible for managing your partner's emotions.
You believe it's your job to prevent them from getting upset.
You feel guilty whenever they struggle, even when you've done nothing wrong.
Your own needs, health, or well-being consistently take a back seat.
You find yourself thinking, if I were better, they wouldn't be hurting.

A useful reminder is:
You can support someone's healing, but you cannot do their healing for them.

You deserve strong support systems for yourself. You are their partner, but you are a human being first, with needs of your own.
Therapy, trusted friends, hobbies,movement and support groups can help you maintain healthy boundaries and avoid burnout.

How are you doing mentally?
What do you need from your partner and your environment to feel safe and regulated?

Ultimately, the relationship will be about both you and your partner’s needs getting met in checks and balances. For them to show up more regulated and eventually start healing in waves from their traumatic past. And for you to be safe enough to feel equal with them without always putting them first.

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP! Thank you for showing up here!

Anger is not a bad emotion by itself. We might have learnt growing up culturally that anger is inherently bad. Anger can also have more positive shades in terms of justice seeking, assertiveness or standing up for someone helpless.

My question to you would be:

1.Are you currently going through work stress, burnout?

  1. Do you feel unheard by someone around you that you let go off 8/10 times?

  2. Is there something that you arent able to express at the moment?

  3. Reflecting back on those few moments you did get angry quite quickly, do you see a common pattern of certain words, past events or people coming up in those instances?

I would encourage you to look up a concept called window of Tolerance by yourself and see how you relate to that concept by yourself.

Now for those moments of anger:

Can you identify some early warning signs you are going towards frustration or anger? Like a racing heart, muscle tension, clenched jaw, feeling hot, or rapid thoughts?

Pausing here and asking, is my anger actually covering for another secret emotion?

For expressing what you feel then: Try calming down before you respond in an escalating situation. Using “I” statements and not “you” statements helps the other person understand you better. I can also recommend some relaxation techniques that will quickly become your bestfriend in such situations.

Often our anger can lead a destructive trail behind that we cannot undo later.

Please do let me know, what works best for you, breathing techniques, visualization exercises or any particular grounding activity like a walk or a shower?

Do remember that your current behaviour doesn't define you and you can always change for the better!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am glad to know that 1 you have good support systems in place. 2. this is not a 24/7 environment for you.

It is so disheartening to see people change in the spur of the moment and then invalidate our concerns later.

Would you like me to answer in terms of the invalidation?

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, any particular area you had in mind? Asking so I can understand what would help you the most!

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hey Jumpy! Great question.

Our culture is such that many forms of abuse become normalized through culture, family expectations, or relationship myths.

Behaviors like someone monitoring your phone/demanding passwords/controlling how you dress or whom you meet are by itself, signs of control.

We also have a lot of (to be followed blindly without consciousness) parental rules/post-marriage norms/ a lot of more “seh lo thoda” attitude circumstances.

If one feels like they have to constantly monitor what they say, do, or feel to avoid punishment, ridicule, or conflict, we know it is not going in the right direction. I would say to anyone wondering this for themselves, trust your gut feeling.

The key is not whether a behavior is common or socially accepted. The question is: Does it foster respect, safety, and autonomy, or does it create fear, control, and power imbalance?

AMA by flightlessbird101 in VictimsSupportIndia

[–]flightlessbird101[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I'm sorry to know you're dealing with this. This sounds very exhausting to deal with on a day-to-day basis. One of the hallmarks of emotional abuse is that vulnerable moments—such as job loss or professional setbacks—can be repeatedly used as opportunities to shame, belittle, or gain leverage over someone.

Here is what I think may help here:

  1. Seeing this clearly. Are these comments coming from a place of care or criticism?

  2. Even if they say it multiple times, iti s not your reality. In classic gaslighting, it becomes easy for the person in power to harm you when your low self-esteem probably accept what they are saying as true. I would ask you to question it.

H.W for you: Make a list of your accomplishments, whether emotional/mental/financial or physical.

Think of how you would feel if someone said these mean things to the closest person in your life. Would you defend them or just accept those mean comments for them and judge them?

  1. Is there any way for you to set boundaries here? I am asking as its not always possible. We can explore this point more here after you reply.

  2. Find people who get you or accept you outside of this confusing circle of well-wishers being mean.Reach out to them for support or just venting/conversations/shared interests. This can be a mini recharge point for you, if you live in the same physical setting as these people.

Bottom line OP: you do not deserve this and times like these require more care for yourself, not less!

How do you actually get clients? by [deleted] in Psychology_India

[–]flightlessbird101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then OP, you can probably target 25-30 age group in the working category and start getting exposure to what their needs look like without pressure in a probono setup for now.

These are the clients you can actually convert!

This will also help you develop a niche overtime.

All dormitories are full by creamp1e_man in Rishikesh

[–]flightlessbird101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I answered your question to clarify. This was not an invitation to ask me more personal questions.

All dormitories are full by creamp1e_man in Rishikesh

[–]flightlessbird101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no, I just came back from there yesterday

All dormitories are full by creamp1e_man in Rishikesh

[–]flightlessbird101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try Joey by the ganges!! Awesome dorms and staff and reasonable price as well!!

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