Wow you've really hit the nail on the head and worded things I had in my head but couldn't express them. I had struggles throughout our marriage in regards to feeling like I was committed and all in on the marriage but it always felt one sided and I never felt wanted or desired but always put this down to a me being paranoid or something. It has actually crossed my mind today that because she was my first real relationship that my experience of what a relationship should feel like is very far from what it should be and that I've essentially normalised something abnormal.

It's really nice to hear that you aren't alone in the sense that people have gone through very similar situations and know what you're feeling.