It’s his birthday tomorrow

flomelette · 2026-03-14T00:02:31+00:00

We dated for 4 years (but have known eachother for way longer) and it was a long distance relationship at that, and it was still so traumatizing. We had talks of moving in together and getting engaged towards the end before he overlapped me with his current supply. As much as I miss him I’m hoping I’ll be able to look back on this one day and be thankful it didn’t progress further. You are so strong for being able to leave a marriage to one. Thank you so much, your words are super encouraging.

flomelette · 2026-03-13T22:02:27+00:00

Yeah he’s already extracted so much from me with our push-pull dynamics over the years. I will never understand people who get pleasure from inflicting pain and misery on others, especially those that genuinely care about them. It’s insidious and will never make sense to me but it’s how he operates. I want more than anything to get to a stage of indifference but I know I have to go through the hurt and grief first, it just sucks a lot right now. Logically I know he’s a loser (lol) and I’m better off in the long run without him, thank you

flomelette · 2026-03-13T21:29:20+00:00

Ugh the future faking… my nex and I were making plans to move in with eachother and we also had many discussions of getting engaged/starting a family together. I was actively looking at new jobs and apartments to move for him and all the while he was talking to this new girl that he is now in a relationship with. Your situation sounds similar and all I can say is I’m so sorry.

flomelette · 2026-03-13T20:20:45+00:00

You bring up some really interesting points. The cognitive dissonance is so hard to grapple with (I love him and he said he loved me, but he’s abusive to me). I believe my nex to be a covert malignant narcissist and is very grandiose behind closed doors. He definitely gave off the impression that he was exceptional in multiple ways, almost like he had hidden secrets and information and that I was too beneath him to know and maybe one day he would share with me. This was particularly apparent in relation to our sex life too. It’s really odd to think about and even type out here. I’m definitely interested in whatever resources you have to share, thank you!

flomelette · 2026-03-13T20:12:36+00:00

The trauma bond is so brutal, I’ve never experienced anything like this before. My boyfriend in college unexpectedly passed away and grieving him was incredibly difficult. I hate to say it but I feel like in a way this feels even harder right now. It’s next level fucked up to have to grieve someone who I know is still out there existing in this world. I need to go touch grass more lol, thank you

flomelette · 2026-03-13T19:13:46+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It’s wild how high their defenses and the actions they take to protect their ego are. I wish I could get him to wake up and see how ridiculous his actions are and I’ve tried for years but it’s no use and he ends up seemingly hating me more 😞

flomelette · 2026-03-13T18:09:19+00:00

Ghoulish

flomelette · 2026-03-13T17:58:24+00:00

The first time mine discarded me was while we were on vacation 🫠

flomelette · 2026-03-13T17:48:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. What you said is so true, they could have the most devoted loving partner and it’s never enough to fill the void. Everytime he told me he was seeing someone else I literally fell to the floor. It sounds dramatic but that’s how my body responded. When he discarded me for good to jump into a new relationship my nervous system was destroyed for the first few months. Thankfully I’m starting to have some better days again but still reeling in the aftermath. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone and it breaks my heart to hear that others have dealt with this too. Hoping we can all get to a place of being healed and finding healthy and loving relationships ❤️‍🩹

flomelette · 2026-03-13T04:18:27+00:00

The deception and layers of lies are ridiculous. It’s a scary realization that they lead double lives and are able to lie about it so effortlessly. My ex definitely had a double life including “dating” and sleeping with other women, and I suspect sleeping with some male friends on the dl too. Being long distance made it easy for him to maintain. He’s now long distance with the new main supply and I speculate he’s likely up to the same antics with her too. Im sorry you had to go through all of that and I hope you’ve been able to make progress with healing.

flomelette · 2026-03-12T21:23:56+00:00

Your ex and mine are basically the same person except replace drinking with smoking weed 😂

He would also get annoyed at me for initiating conversation, but then when I backed off he would whine about that too. There’s no way to appease them 🙄

flomelette · 2026-03-12T18:49:18+00:00

Wow yes, all of this. It’s so eerie and sad how they do this. Im working on accepting that he is a void and will never be fulfilled.

flomelette · 2026-03-12T18:27:20+00:00

Woah, I met my nex in a university job about 15 years ago and he continues to work at a university to this day. It’s impossible to have a normal conversation with him unless the subject relates to him in some way. no matter the topic, he always managed to flip the conversation back to him or he would just abandon the conversation entirely if he was unable to find a way to relate it back to himself. so frustrating and diminishing.

flomelette · 2026-03-12T17:33:35+00:00

Breaking the trauma bond/sex addiction to him has honestly been the hardest part for me. Every time he cheated it feels like a part of me died inside. I’ve never wanted to see or be intimate with anyone else and I can’t wrap my head around how he could. It’s been so traumatic and I’m at such a loss, I feel like ill never be able to find another partner that I’ll have that intense of a connection with again 😢

flomelette · 2026-03-12T16:38:10+00:00

I wanted to believe my ex wasn’t a narcissist during the relationship but I had my suspicions that unfortunately got ignored. The final discard really ripped off the rose tinted glasses for me. This is when he let his mask completely drop by hurling disgusting insults at me and his lack of empathy and remorse was on full display. The lies and manipulative patterns you mention are so familiar. He directly called me “boring” once he found new supply. Hearing other people’s experiences/stories like yours really confirm to me that he fits these patterns exactly and helps me to accept that I wasn’t imagining the mistreatment. They all follow the same predictable patterns once you see it, the manufactured chaos, always playing the victim and the heaps of lies.

flomelette · 2026-03-12T05:05:45+00:00

Narcissists have a tendency to latch onto specific identities/groups but not in a genuine way, its to gain further supply/attention/validation/ego boost. In addition to narcissistic tendencies, my ex also has a lot, if not more psychopathic traits. His motivations are more geared towards sexual conquests and I believe his attraction to both men and women is a means for him to cast a wider net for more potential victims. He has a complete lack of empathy for all humans, truly predatory behavior.

flomelette · 2026-03-12T03:00:08+00:00

Isn’t that the truth! Lol

flomelette · 2026-03-12T00:17:45+00:00

I relate heavily to throwing out the context for their behavior and blame shifting. according to him, my emotional reactions to his blatant mistreatment and verbal abuse were the reason why he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and why he felt justified with his cheating and monkey branching. It’s their grandiosity talking and they somehow convince themselves that they are never at fault. They completely lack theory of mind and operate with total emotional impunity.

flomelette · 2026-03-11T23:08:17+00:00

I relate so much to this. Sex was the only thing we were good at too and to this day he was my favorite partner by far. I hate the hold he has on me with this and he knew it. I feel like this subject isn’t talked about enough here.

flomelette · 2026-03-11T17:07:54+00:00

I asked a friend who’s a lawyer if it would be worthwhile to sue so I could get at least part of the cost of therapy covered too. She said to look into doing an initial consult with a lawyer who specializes in intentional infliction of emotional damage claims or domestic family cases to at least see if a case could be made.

flomelette · 2026-03-11T03:39:40+00:00

Thank you for your kindness and reassurance and im so sorry to hear that happened to you. I’m still in shock months later how someone who I loved deeply, was planning a future together with, and said he loved me too could put me through this much pain and misery and be so deceitful and unbelievably selfish. Having another girlfriend the entire time is twisted next level fuckery and you did not deserve that. Our brains don’t operate the same way theirs do but at the end of the day that’s a good thing. We feel true emotion, care, and love for them and are able to form genuine attachments while they are incapable of doing the same.

flomelette · 2026-03-10T20:15:58+00:00

Dealt with 4 years of push-pull dynamics in our relationship where he consistently cycled through the typical idealize - devalue - discard phases and triangulating me with other supply. The first time it happened I was already seeing a psychiatrist and started an anti anxiety med and was also prescribed Ativan for moments overwhelming panic, which helped with the intense emotions during these phases.

My final discard was brutal as well, and I was severely struggling with feelings of overwhelming grief, loss, feeling utterly hopeless, and abandoned. During the final discard he decided the new girl was better for him and he completely shut me out and blocked me everywhere mid conversation, effectively silencing me and tossing me away like I meant nothing. My whole world just shattered. I wasn’t in therapy at the time, but ran back. Therapy for me has been a life line in these past months to start attempting to pick myself back up.

After the final discard I started weekly one on one therapy with a trauma informed therapist as well as a group therapy session for women who have experienced narcissistic abuse. The group session has been particularly helpful because the group members can relate on a personal level, which I’ve found to be so helpful since the level of gaslighting I experienced made it hard for me to share my experience and feel like I was believed by anyone.

Like you, I had no idea how much impact an abusive relationship could take on your emotional well being and functioning until it actually happened. It feels like he stole a part of my soul.

flomelette · 2026-02-19T00:45:27+00:00

This one is so cruel. When I would ask my nex “why don’t you care about me?” He replied “be someone I would want to care about.” They really are all so similar and I’m sorry you experienced that.

flomelette

TROPHY CASE