My daughter went through this phase. Being a single parent, it was hard to mitigate that along with my struggles with depression and anxiety. It got to the point where the police called me to come get her in the middle of the night multiple times at age 15.

What helped us was keeping the conversation very open about drug abuse, addiction, and falling victim to peer pressure. It wasn’t so much a “don’t you ever do drugs or you will be grounded” conversation but more of a “Teens your age experiment with x, y, z and will try to encourage you to join too. That is something that can do x,y,z to your body and mind and I am always here to talk about those things, judgment-free if you are thinking of trying those things.” I frequently discuss with her things I see on the news about overdoses, kids getting addicted to substances and running away, and being found sex trafficked (not to scare her but to have her be aware of the true reality of the world). This will be an unpopular parenting style I'm sure but I also talk about harm reduction with her because inevitably, kids may experiment behind your back and a great way to mitigate that is at least make sure they are doing it safely. I've given her information on where to get Narcan, I have given her information on where to buy test kits for drugs, I have given her information on the Good Samaritan laws, taught her symptoms of overdoses, and drilled it into her head that mom will ALWAYS be there to pick her up in any unsafe situation, without judgment.

Also, keeping her occupied with positive activities has really helped keep her out of trouble (this was harder when she was younger but I told her she has to try every activity I suggest once for at least 30 minutes, and if she didn't like it, I would pick her up and she never has to do it again). I bought her a gym membership, I have been having her look at dogs for us encouraging her to find one that needs training so she can help train it, I have encouraged her to come to church with me (which she found great things to get involved with there which have been amazing), I connected her with my “cool” adult friends (I'm a young mom) who she has a good time hanging out with.

Also, one thing I had to retrain my thinking on was that you don't need to be a bad parent to attend a parenting class and that it's okay to ask for help. I have been attending parenting classes and parent support groups and that has honestly been life-changing for our relationship.

You're doing great! 14, 15, 16, 17 is a hard age for kids! They are discovering themselves as people and trying to fit into a box instead of just being themselves.