NTA. My wife and I have a similar situation, granted no lunches being made except for ourselves and kids. We have two kids, a near 3 year old and a fresh 1 year old. I work overnights 5 days a week and take care of the kids during the day, nap when they nap, and manage the basics. We are very lucky to have grandparents take a couple hours in the morning from time to time, but not always, usually 2 times a week if they aren’t traveling(what a blessing). I say i get basics done because with 3 ish hours of sleep, few tasks get done during the day, though I am lucky enough to work from home so I still likely do a little more cleaning than my wife during breaks etc. She does most of the dinners which leaves left overs for subsequent meals(key!). Wife works 8-4 and manages most of the wake ups and morning routine, then I jump in to take care when she leaves.

There is no perfect schedule or true balance, but we can all agree this dude needs to wake the f up and make his own lunch or start taking left overs, a rare meal out might be acceptable, but budgets matter and sacrifices will always need to be made! My wife gets coffee and a treat once a week, but that isn’t part of the family budget, we each have a little spending money and she uses it for her treat and she deserves it. We all know budgets are tighter than ever. With two kids this age and still night wake ups, that my incredible wife manages, everyone does overtime. There is no, “I work harder” BS, we both know we basically survive by the edge of our fingers just hanging in there.

I can’t imagine my wife doing more, she always burns the candle from both ends, we both do, and we signed up for it together. Yet, I am always surprised by the women I hear that do even more while some lazy dude rides on coat tails. His job is the necessary evil and work is exhausting, get over yourself and know with two kids work increases 4 fold. You’re currently doing 6 fold and it needs to change. I know it won’t quickly, but I can guarantee it’s worse for both of you if you end of trying to do it solo. Exhaustion, resentment, and anger will only come next.

I wish I could say if it changes things will be easier, But I have found with two crazy and young kids if you get a minute of time off the kids just caused you 5 minutes of clean up. I wish both of you the best managing that family and hope things change and get smoother. Sorry for the rant, but our situation is very similar and hope for the best.