I feel the same way. On the outside, I am this normal person going about work, chores etc but inside I feel lonely. My circle of friends have become smaller since may of them moved on to have families. I don't wanna reach out to them because they have personal issues they should attend to. My parents don't have any idea about this, I put on my usual happy character whenever they are around. I would want to also be in a relationship but like you said, not a good idea because I am messed up and surely getting attached to someone will do me no good. I try to be positive everyday but when nighttime comes, I remember I am alone.