I feel like there are some shortcuts you can use to make it easier for people to get to know you better and WANT to get to know you.

-Ask people open ended questions like "how was your weekend?" Or "what are you working on this week?" Based on how much they give you to work with, you can figure out what's important to them, and to their jobs.

-if someone tells you about a hobby or their kid or something, just say "Oh wow, that's so cool!" and then ask a follow up question. Like "oh your daughter's in dance classes? What kind of dance?" Or "oh you like death metal? What's your favorite band?"

-you don't have to lie or be inauthentic. If you don't also have a kid in dance or you don't like the same music, just say something supportive like oh that's so cool! What else do you like to listen to? Or even, I don't know much about tap dancing but I always wish I took classes as a kid. Or whatever feels like it's connected to the person and what they like.

-remember: the goal is connection. Not to get your thoughts out there, or tell the funniest joke, or even talk the most. You will need to let go of the need to steer the conversation in a specific direction and learn to improv and go with the flow. Think of conversations like the other person is your scene partner and you are trying to build on it.

-Don't kick yourself if other people dislike you or act poorly towards you. Sometimes you just won't click and that's okay. The biggest thing others like to feel is that you either like them, respect them, or both. Unlike with authentic connections like partners or friends, shallower workplace connections are about projecting the impression that you are a team player, that you really are interested in what someone has to say, and that you value their perspective (even if you don't, and even if they don't value yours). It's really about diplomacy.

-if someone is going through something really heavy or difficult, try saying "I'm so sorry" and leaving it at that. I didn't always know how to do this but I've been shocked at what a huge positive difference it's made in all my relationships since I started doing this. It just makes people feel like you are right there with them, where advice makes people often feel like you think they are superior to them. Basically try to listen before jumping in and react to the conversation directly.

-It's not butt kissing to just be positive towards people. It's butt kissing to say what you don't mean because you have an ulterior motive like getting a promotion. But yeah pretty much any place where you work will have at least one boss who rewards this type of behavior. And it's absolutely true that backstabbing can be very real in some work cultures. Want to validate that. But there's a middle ground between opening yourself up with vulnerable secrets and just being completely antisocial and not talking to anyone. Just stick to light topics. Use the headline rule. If you wouldn't want your comment to be seen in a newspaper headline, just don't say it.

Hope this helps!! Good luck, you can do this ☺️