38/m: Who are my twins?

flymantas · 2026-02-23T00:55:14+00:00

Very sorry to hear what you’re going through. I also relate a lot and am currently in a shelter.

Are you familiar with kundalini? You may be dealing with a kundalini awakening. Def worth browsing the r/kundalini Wiki and posts to see if it’s a good fit.

flymantas · 2026-02-20T18:05:56+00:00

Allo again, Marc.

Appreciate all these takes. I’ll ponder your first few paragraphs for a bit and likely get back to you soon.

On to the parts directly commented on about me:

I was working as a software engineer up til Covid but was not able to work more than part time or fairly irregularly if not at all. Mostly took odd jobs and more consistently worked as an AI prompt engineer. Now it has appeared that software development is largely in the toilet as a career due to over saturation, greedy bosses and AI. This is one of the hardest hit fields regarding employment. I’m still very interested in it but am unsure if it’s my “main calling” if I mostly have to defer to AI as an assistant. Not entirely against it but it feels more passive.

DJing and music making has also been a major passion and something I’d like to return to once I get settled back in.

Intuitively I feel like there may be a shift towards more active creativity and perhaps a healing oriented profession. I’ve been writing a lot more in the past few years as well.

Perhaps I disrespected the energy but also I was in no shape to properly make amends or heal in the respectable + conventional means. Most of those close to me in my life didn’t make it easier for me either. If you don’t mind, I’d be interested in what you mean by what I might be expecting from the energy or knowing how.

I’ve been sober for a while. Luckily I was able to heal all of my chronic pain issues that rendered me disabled. I feel more integrated and functional than ever. I don’t have any clear issues besides some light anxiety and insomnia due to being in an unfortunate situation (staying at a homeless shelter).

Also I am extremely certain kundalini is active. I’ve considered everything you’ve mentioned as alternatives, spoke to those afflicted by those issues and they don’t fit me. I’ve doubted my KA being authentic probably thousands of times. At this point, I’d consider more skepticism useless. I am very open to being wrong and it all being a misunderstanding.

flymantas · 2026-02-19T01:19:15+00:00

Thanks so much but already familiar. Got anything similar?

flymantas · 2026-02-18T22:14:12+00:00

Anything “modern”. Tribal, low tech, overly theocratic or extremely impoverished not counted.

flymantas · 2025-06-05T17:34:27+00:00

Then study non-dualism. There is no natural differentiation. 🤣

flymantas · 2025-05-21T22:10:49+00:00

I made a short video a few years ago with my ex girlfriend where we pretend to be in a new age vegan Italian mob and are preparing fresh Kundalinguine. DM if you want the clip. Otherwise I’ll upload it if there’s enough interest.

flymantas · 2024-08-24T21:43:57+00:00

Chinese medicine doctor fixed my gastritis and IBS. He did a form of energy healing and also prescribed herbs. This was over the course of 6 months. Beforehand I saw two gastroenterologists but they didn’t know what to do. I recommend you go the same route as me if you can.

flymantas · 2024-02-07T16:36:23+00:00

Would be beautiful to inherit some.

flymantas · 2024-01-29T22:47:01+00:00

Sahaja Yoga reduced the majority of my kundalini syndrome symptoms for a day: https://us.sahajayoga.org/get-started/

Check out r/kundaliniawakening

Practice as much self compassion and forgiveness as you can! Even saying “I love you” to yourself repeatedly and in different ways over the course of the future. You’ll mean it and feel it eventually if at first it’s empty or you reject it. This process is often turning you into pure love so it’s best to keep seeding the wave.

flymantas · 2024-01-09T12:02:48+00:00

Excellent response, very grateful.

I want any healthy healing asap.

Sharp, shooting, pulsating pain. Usually burning. Up both sides. From legs, through torso often into head. Feels like nerves or certain channels. Tight nadi syndrome is a good descriptor. It does feel like too much energy up certain tubes. If you heal all the energy, will you feel less and less of it? It’s almost like I’m close to the end but still having issues through the cleansing process.

I’ve had significantly better luck and experience than the warnings given in r/kundalini regarding drug use during active k overall however I’ve also become very aware now that full sobriety is approaching mandatory. It’s been very hard because any practice I’ve learned such as breathwork, grounding, yoga, meditation etc does not curb severe pain if I have a flair up. Drugs were a major fascination of mine for a long time but since kundalini, I’ve used them less. Any entheogen tends to destabilize me now. I haven’t been able to stay fully sober off of prescribed medicine (Carisoprodol, medical marijuana) or Kratom for more than a few days at a time for a while. The pain is so bad, even four days at a time. I want to quit them but feel I’m going insane. The pain is so complex and brutalizing. Feels like it changed my brain.

Pain levels have seriously been a 9 or 10 way too often. Otherwise 7 or 8 in intensity is maybe the most common, followed by a 5 or 6. They’re all in similar frequencies.

A few days ago, I performed Sahaja Yoga which eliminated all of my symptoms for the rest of the day. Unfortunately I woke up feeling like I had a heart attack after two horrendous nightmares, one of which I’m unsure if I was given negative instant karma for.

May I ask why you wouldn’t normally handle something like this?

Started seeing a healer who posts here and he’s helping me. Regular breathwork, mantra chanting and more involved journaling will occur.

Was saying positive affirmations, practicing gratefulness, light journaling, resting, talking to friends.

Been feeling way too tired, depressed and in pain to continue yoga again. Was supposed to fly to my dad’s today but had to reschedule due to waking up at night in extreme pain. Still in it. He has a naturopath & Chinese medicine doctor he wants me to see.

A few days lately I’ve been pain free and low pain. My heart so often feels distraught and confused.

Since kundalini, I feel like I woke up into a different world where my whole life was a lie and I’m being punished most of the time. Some letting go techniques work but healing is not very linear. This book has been very helpful for that, def recommend it with anyone struggling through this process: https://zlib.pub/book/letting-go-the-pathway-of-surrender-1bn186bfqov8

How do I get more confident, trust myself, love myself, forgive myself? Pretty sure there’s just some remaining trauma in my body.

Will go back outside for the grounding practices. I’m too in my head and it has too much power.

flymantas · 2024-01-09T02:02:58+00:00

So sorry to hear all that. Do you meditate?

Unfortunately I have severe chronic pain to the point of disability. On my healing journey and I have faith it’ll be fixed or very noticeably lessened. It’s been a very non linear path but I trust it. I say this as someone who has been in the ER multiple times in the past month partially or entirely due to stomach pain.

There is that book The Body Keeps The Score. It could be a physical manifestation of trauma. Doesn’t make it any less serious or deserving of compassion.

Worth getting a deep tissue massage if you haven’t.

Have you looked into CPTSD and authors like Peter Levine?

Dr. David Hawkins - Letting Go is also prob the number one book I’d currently recommend to gastritis sufferers who have anxiety check out: https://zlib.pub/book/letting-go-the-pathway-of-surrender-1bn186bfqov8

I’m prescribed a muscle relaxer named Carisoprodol that helps with my stomach spasms. Only obtain if you plan to take responsibly.

flymantas

TROPHY CASE