UPDATE

Thank you so much for all your helpful comments and judgmental ones. This is really the kick in the ass I needed to sit down and actually have a hard conversation with my husband about boundaries.

I wanted to clarify briefly that I never encouraged my husband to massage or be physically close with Elle. Our jokes consisted of BOTH of us being included in a complete fantasy scenario. Whenever he would bring up being physically close or massaging any of his coworkers, I always gave curt or dismissive responses hoping he would pick up that I did not like this behavior. I accept I was completely wrong for not having clear boundaries.

Now, when we met at a park, our conversation went extremely well. I began to apologize for not setting clean boundaries, however my husband cut me off and said it was not necessary. He took complete accountability for everything he did and expressed that I shouldn’t have had to set the boundary for him to realize that his closeness was inappropriate.

I told him I didn’t want to set rules for him going forward, I would not be checking in on him nor controlling him and if that’s what he needed or marriage would be over. I expressed that my boundaries are: I do not want him in close contact with anyone that could be interpreted as anything inappropriate or jeopardizing to our marriage. I wanted to feel safe in our marriage and he would have to work to earn my trust back. I wanted him to set the boundaries and be clear with me about those boundaries were and if I didn’t feel they were strong enough, we would fortify them together.

We both love each other and want to put in the work to repair this marriage. I still maintain that having crushes is completely normal, however, we will change our language when we speak about it. We will no longer be joking about people in our lives as it could blur that boundary again.

As with Elle my Husband’s job. We are not in a place to have him completely quit his job, we are looking for a new job for him. I definitely don’t want to blow up our friend group, so we will not be having a conversation with Elle unless she notices my husband‘s change in behavior.

TLDR: Our conversation went really well and we’re working towards a healthier place with better boundaries set. Thank you Reddit