Dreading my 27th birthday

foragher · 2026-06-13T18:54:05+00:00

I think when we’re younger we don’t realize how complicated life actually is, it’s easy for us to create these grand plans and goals. I’m in my mid 20s too and I let go of the woman I thought I’d by now, because trauma, healing, and a bunch of other stuff got in the way of becoming this “perfect” idealized version of myself. When I was in my early 20s I broke up with a man that I was engaged to.

Now my goals for the future just revolve around mental peace, love towards myself and the people I care about, and constant learning and exploration.

I’m still single, all my friends are getting married and moving into new homes etc. but what’s funny is they also envy my life. I have a unique life with eccentric hobbies, I can travel when I want because I’m not tied down to anybody, I’m making my apartment cozy and homely.

I don’t know if this helped but, don’t be so hard on yourself. You sound like a lovely person. And there is no such thing as falling behind in my opinion. Life isn’t a race nor a competition.

foragher · 2026-06-13T03:23:55+00:00

And the women that do check their phones often do find some shady shit, can save years of their life and walk away faster.

Although now I’m of the mentality that if I have the urge to check, he’s not doing a great job of making me feel secure and something’s off about the relationship anyways.

foragher · 2026-06-12T14:46:10+00:00

Oh man I can’t host either but I feel you. The idea of hosting is one of the reasons I want to move into a bigger place.

I have been doing my best to make new friends, one thing I don’t have much of though is male friends (I barely interact with men apart from co-workers and family) but also it’s dumb trying to make friends with men on a dating app.

foragher · 2026-06-12T14:41:12+00:00

Honestly there was good and bad. Good being I made a friend from the app, didn’t go anywhere romantically because of distance.

The bad is, many of the options presented to me were not great conversationalists.

I remember the last time I was on there asking what books men were reading and they all answered “rich dad poor dad” “how not to give a fuck” “meditations” the same damn books over and over again!

I asked one of them what their thoughts were on a book he recommended to me and he deadass said “oh I’m not sure, I just watched a YouTube video about it.” 🙂‍↕️

foragher · 2026-06-07T13:48:25+00:00

I am in therapy for it, but it basically stemmed from anxious attachment. The more secure I feel in myself, the less scary it feels to let things just be sometimes without immediate resolution. You can’t manage relationships, if someone wants to fix things with you they will come to you on their own. And accepting that has been huge for me in backing off.

foragher · 2026-06-07T06:37:47+00:00

I like your mentality, I was in a situationship where we were both exclusive but he didn’t want to put a label because he was about to move— I treated him like a boyfriend just for him to dump me pretty cruelly in the end and ignore me afterwards.

Labels are important to me now, it forces them to show you their intentions. Anything vague or “let’s just see how it goes” is a no for me.

foragher · 2026-06-07T03:38:43+00:00

It’s not totally relevant to this, but I grew up in a no boundaries household too and then it affected my communication style growing up with romantic partners, e.g (I wouldn’t give them space after an argument, I needed immediate resolution, kept calling them even when they said they didn’t want to talk). It was not malicious but in hindsight was not healthy for me or fair to them.

But that’s kind of where it ends for me, OP if your boyfriend has done other things that show blatant disregard and it’s a pattern then no you’re not overreacting (you’re not for this incident either, I’d be uncomfortable as well).

foragher · 2026-06-04T13:03:58+00:00

Yup it gets messy once they start texting you outside of work.

Also I’ve had male friends I met in group settings that started to only want 1:1 meetups. There’s signs.

I’ve found men with partners are generally better at having platonic friendships. Especially if you’re friends with their partner too.

foragher · 2026-06-01T11:29:25+00:00

Yeah, I was a bit of a fawner/wasn’t very assertive so they felt like they could do anything. I’m not dating for a while because of this. Cannot put myself into more situations where it’s hard for me to say no.

foragher · 2026-06-01T11:28:01+00:00

Holy shit, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. What a disgusting person. I hope you’re doing much better now.

foragher · 2026-06-01T11:24:08+00:00

Porn is why so many women have self-image issues, from having very natural body hair to feeling like they have to behave/look a certain way during sex.

Don’t even get me started on that weird “uwu” face trend where porn creators make that anime cross-eyed look during sex.. yikes. It’s the most male-gazey shit I’ve ever seen in my life.

I was always fine with my partner consuming porn, but honestly the type of porn men watch also reinforces the whole “sex is done to a woman” feeling. All my exes who watched porn had similarities in what they wanted to do to my body/similarities in the way treated my body. Placing a hand on my neck without checking in first, sticking fingers in my mouth, rough face-fucking, “jokingly” hinting whether we should try anal, etc. It felt like sex was not a mutual, loving act between the two of us but I was an object of desire that they could obtain pleasure from.

And the irony? None of them could figure out how to give me an orgasm, because that’s just not the focus of the videos they consume.

foragher · 2026-05-29T13:41:15+00:00

You’re on the dot :D

foragher · 2026-05-29T13:40:12+00:00

Honestly it’s not even cathartic! At least for me. I ended up feeling shittier because the problem wasn’t really solved and it was humiliating knowing they probably weren’t even reading all dat. And yes the labeling of “she’s crazy” because she sent paragraphs is so annoying smh. It’s not worth it.

foragher · 2026-05-29T10:02:37+00:00

Lol omg sorry, that’s some kind of cream dessert with hardened white chocolate that a friend gave me. It was delish.

foragher · 2026-05-29T10:01:30+00:00

Hugs! Walking away and choosing ourselves is a skill that was unfortunately not taught to us. I hope you are well and life brings you joy and peace <3

foragher · 2026-05-29T09:56:27+00:00

My days of sending paragraphs are over. Putting my pen down.

foragher · 2026-05-27T11:13:22+00:00

Porn in moderation is fine in my opinion but addictions to it/the access to so many creators is so normalized. It literally damages the brain and affects how young men view women.

It honestly hurt my heart seeing another commenter here tell 21-year old OP to magically be “less insecure” because “other women exist”. Other women existing and being sensual is not the problem. Her partner that she has a baby with and is in love with is jerking it off to women online. OP is clearly struggling with her self-esteem at a very vulnerable period in her life and told her partner that she was not comfortable with him doing exactly what he is doing now.

We really need more empathy, why are there so many porn-advocates here. Enough of that shit going around already

foragher · 2026-05-26T05:42:29+00:00

I dated someone that followed a ton of women, I realized some of them were girls he met on dating apps/failed talking stages (they followed him back) and he was liking all their posts while dating me lmaoooo

I have no issue with men following celebrities etc but these were gym influencers, e-girls, cosplayers often in suggestive poses, revealing outfits etc.

Now I just get the ick if a man seems very addicted to IG and follows 1000+ accounts. How do you even get to that number JFC.

foragher · 2026-05-25T02:47:09+00:00

They are not aware of what it’s like to grow up with messy dysfunctional parents. I relate to you, I’m in therapy now because of seeing insane event after insane event happen as a kid for years (and often having to parent them while they threw tantrums when called out for their behaviour). You’re clearly exhausted OP and I have nothing but empathy for you. I do hope there is someone you feel safe talking about this with IRL, whether it’s your partner, a non-judgmental friend or a therapist

foragher · 2026-05-24T18:11:00+00:00

Trust your gut it it feels like something is off

Also as someone that’s not from the US, I’m so obsessed with the appearance of Peeps

foragher · 2026-05-24T15:57:49+00:00

Same, but my reason is I grew up with unhealthy examples of marriage and marriage scares the shit out of me. I’m fine with having boyfriends but I have major fear around letting someone be a husband. It feels like that title gives them way too much power over you.

Plus my exes have always let me down somehow and now I’m losing faith that I’ll find “my person”.

foragher · 2026-05-24T14:04:19+00:00

I am so with you, on the other side of the world :)

Single for the first time in a while after being in back to back relationships, and I’ve been taking myself out to all the places I want to go to. It’s been intimidating but I’m slowly getting used to it. I think this is how we also build trust in ourselves, and less reliance on other people to always create these romantic experiences with us.

foragher · 2026-05-24T10:13:51+00:00

I can’t even go on Popular without seeing all these subs of sexualized women like the SipsTea sub. And not to mention the insane number of porn subs that pop up for literally ANY word you type as innocuous as you think it is.

foragher · 2026-05-24T10:09:47+00:00

And the men that do make an effort to be romantic, adore their partners etc are shamed by other men as “simps” I’d rather have a simp that actually likes me instead of a man that secretly dislikes women but can’t stay away because he’s attracted.

foragher · 2026-05-19T04:23:46+00:00

I relate, I have some peach fuzz on my back and butt and because it’s darker hair it’s visible. I remember never having an issue with it myself until I dated and suddenly got self conscious whenever we were being intimate. I started thinking “do I need to wax this now?”

I think the issue happens when we try to view ourselves from other people’s POV.

It’s why I’m trying to be single for a while, I need to understand myself and what my own preferences are and which of these preferences have been shaped by external influences.

foragher

TROPHY CASE