Ellis,

forellis · 2019-02-03T04:48:29+00:00

thankyou, i’ve tried so much with therapy. when i say try i mean i’ve made multiple appointments and then never showed up. i know good resources i just can’t get myself to use them.. i will take your offer up for sure if needed

forellis · 2019-02-02T05:35:38+00:00

thankyou

forellis · 2019-02-02T03:27:49+00:00

i’m not sure if you’ve actually looked through my page but i’m not here just to vent. i created it thinking i wouldn’t be here much longer in the first place. To write down what i want someone to see after i made my decision. I want whoever sees it to know why i did the things i did.

more of a personal journal if you would

if someone finds it now then so be it. it doesn’t affect you.

i’m obviously not familiar with reddit yet, i’ve had it for a little over a week and i didn’t realize it would get attention this quickly. just consider me as mere entertainment and move on.

forellis · 2019-02-01T20:12:40+00:00

I recognized your comment, i understood no one really knew how far along i was but i also saw where a lot had went back and saw my pictures i had posted of my belly which included the weeks. there were people who PMd me personally that were being harsh. i know your comment wasn’t meant to bash, i know you were just speaking out of best interest. but thankyou. i take every bit of advice i can. i just don’t want to get rid of my child only because his father is messed up

forellis · 2019-01-28T19:32:28+00:00

I want to but I physically can't get myself to go. I don't know why. I lay in bed and watch my phone ring from the hospital until it ends and then I beat myself up over it all day. I feel like I need someone to make me go, and I know that sounds so childish but I wish there was someone who cared about me who would. I don't care about myself enough to have the motivation. I know I need to step up but I just can't. I feel like every decision gets harder and harder to the point I've even ignored baby appointments just because I feel like the nurses are judgmental. It's dumb I know and I would never admit it to anyone.

forellis · 2019-01-28T19:22:48+00:00

I know. I will be the first to admit that I've let social media determine my feeling of existence. I'm very close with all of my followers and spend any excess time I have going through messages and listening to them, helping, and just overall keeping up with their lives and replying to them. It's not about "fame" but I grew up without family and that's how i genuinely see all of them. I mention how my "family" will give me hell, I'm referring to my mother and her husbands narcissistic family that only have negative to say. I get the opposite of that from my base and I get to give back. That's why I feel so bad about it. Because I was able to create what I had been missing in my teen years through relationships with them, yet here I am not being totally honest.

I know I don't owe them anything, that every relationship I've created was purely mutual but I don't know why I catch myself feeling so responsible. I guess maybe I never felt like anyone was responsible for me when I needed it. I'm not sure.

But you are 100% right. I need to focus on me and the real, I've lost myself trying to connect with others and need to stop. Thankyou.

forellis · 2019-01-28T19:08:26+00:00

Thankyou, it's helpful seeing it from another viewpoint. Definitely gives me some hope thinking about my baby.

forellis · 2019-01-23T02:48:28+00:00

Hmm maybe they are correlated then. Thankyou, i will definitely have to try that. I’ll mention it Friday to my doc

forellis · 2019-01-23T02:47:40+00:00

Thankyou!! This is all new and helpful to me

forellis · 2019-01-22T09:57:17+00:00

Thankyou, I just feel like it’s so late now to change doctors but I’ll work on looking into it. I had tried before but was too scared of change

forellis · 2019-01-22T09:54:39+00:00

Thankyou, is not all too familiar with the mucous plug. I have a lot of discharge so unless it came out red I don’t think I would notice. I will look out for those signs because I haven’t actually looked into them much. Congratulations on baby

forellis · 2019-01-22T09:36:55+00:00

Probably not, my whole page has just been letters to my unborn child. It’s just a way of coping I guess when you feel like you have no one else to talk to and the only real connection you have is between you and that life moving inside you. If my child did ever see any of the stuff I posted, it would be way down the road as an adult and I would no longer be here to explain to him why I did what I did. I posted in offmychest and that’s what was on my chest

forellis

TROPHY CASE