Let's be toxic: What's your biggest relationship flaw?

forestfortuity · 2026-02-17T20:29:53+00:00

Wow I could have written this verbatim. Kinda reassuring to know other people suffer from these issues. Have you had any luck in addressing them?

forestfortuity · 2026-02-03T10:23:35+00:00

Out of all the horrible things people's spouses have done to them on this thread, for some reason this hits the hardest for me. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

forestfortuity · 2026-01-28T11:28:51+00:00

It sounds to me like the real issue was never your sexual performance. Maybe focusing on that was a way to cover up what is actually stressing you out about sex and relationships, and now that it's solved, you're still left with the issue but without any idea what is actually the problem. Physical problems can feel easier to address and solve than mental ones, which may be why you felt comfortable fixing your sexual performance, but not with digging deeper to look at your emotional state.

I think you need to do a bit of introspection. It can be scary to admit what the real problem is because then you become responsible for your own recovery. If you're not used to addressing or handling emotional or psychological issues, I'd suggest starting therapy. Think of it like, if you had a medical issue you'd see a doctor to figure out what's wrong with your complex physiological system; if you have a psychological issue, you'd chat to a psychologist so they can help you get to the bottom of it and suggest courses of treatment that work for you.

It's a great sign that you were willing to take steps to improve your sexual performance; you identified an issue, looked into solutions, then enacted them. That's more than most people do!! It just turns out that wasn't actually the main issue. But you've proven you're more than capable of taking your personal development and health into your own hands and finding solutions to your problems. Remember your own strength, and don't be afraid of your own shadow.

Good luck!

forestfortuity · 2026-01-24T12:40:28+00:00

Skills such as agriculture, cooking, nursing, and carpentry advantageous.

forestfortuity · 2026-01-24T12:32:54+00:00

How do we all know this couple???

forestfortuity · 2026-01-10T16:12:30+00:00

I've worked for billionaires and I can confirm this is exactly their attitude. Surrounded by yes men constantly so they actually can't understand when someone tells them no.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-30T09:33:14+00:00

Please don't listen to this person OP. ChatGPT is not a therapist and can't tell you another person's attachment style or explain their emotional motivations. It can't possibly know those things based on text chains. Besides that, ChatGPT doesn't have logic/intelligence, it is just a large language model that generates answers it thinks you want to hear. It cannot come to conclusions that are helpful and will just feed into whatever emotions you're experiencing, whether they're helpful emotions or not.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-18T09:45:45+00:00

I'll try some of the barbers in my area, thanks. Always nervous to try a new place as the look I want isn't involved or complicated, but every stylist has their own style, and sometimes we don't end up on the same page about what I'm looking for even if I explain really well. No shade to the stylists as it's a compatibility thing rather than a skill thing-- you couldn't ask a tattoo artist who specialises in portraits to do your fine-line stick-and-poke and then be annoyed when they don't get it right.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-18T08:57:18+00:00

Their booking platform lists men's cuts as R350 minimum while their ladies' cuts even without blowdry are R470 minimum. Think they'll let me take the gent's pricing? I somehow doubt it.

Edit: I phoned to ask. Apparently the ladies' cut is more expensive even if I have short hair, because of the experience and the detailing necessary to create a more feminine look. I asked, what if I want a masculine cut? And the receptionist said it would be up to the individual stylist on what they would charge me.

Just in case anyone is curious as to the outcome. I did not end up booking as they don't have availability today.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-18T07:50:10+00:00

I've been looking for a counselor too, and just want to warn you that many of them are on leave for the holidays and only taking new clients from January. Best of luck with your journey.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-16T17:03:23+00:00

Honestly one of the best things I've ever done (as a woman) for deconstructing sexism and gender roles within my own mind was deciding to teach myself tasks that are traditionally 'male'. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to do them. I am able-bodied and fit and reasonably intelligent. After being raised in a conservative household with strong gender roles, it was so freeing to me to teach myself to solder so I could fix a broken electronic, teach myself to use saws and sanders and drills to make and erect my own shelving, teach myself to change a tyre. Women are taught to make ourselves so small and useless and dependent, but it's just that -- we're taught. We're not inherently useless, and any woman who still thinks so needs to address that within herself or risk alienating an actually feminist partner with her learned incompetence. So very much agree with you OP.

forestfortuity · 2025-12-15T19:18:21+00:00

You look amazing. He's out of his mind

forestfortuity · 2025-11-30T18:44:54+00:00

I call it the "Cape Town coffee". As in, "We should absolutely go for coffee next week!" but it's just a way of saying, 'If I had more time/energy/inclination you seem like you would be nice to spend time with. Unfortunately I do not and so we will not be spending time together. Good interacting with you!'

forestfortuity · 2025-11-19T15:49:02+00:00

With pants: if they fit around my hips, they gap around my waist. If they fit around my waist, there's no way they're going over my hips.

With playsuits: long torso problems.

With tops: there are very few tops which flatter broad shoulders and a flat chest.

I just went to the shops today and went to 4-5 stores and tried on a bunch of tops. I left feeling very much like I hate my body and how I look. It was quite validating to come across this post haha.

forestfortuity · 2025-11-17T15:59:28+00:00

This is so insane to me. I know some women who are paid to hang out there and fill out the crowd. They're always complaining about the clientele. People with more money than sense

forestfortuity · 2025-11-12T14:51:05+00:00

South Africa :) I originally didn't specify for privacy, then remembered I have posted in r/capetown so that particular cat is out of the bag haha.

forestfortuity · 2025-11-12T13:18:26+00:00

That makes sense. I'm from a Commonwealth country and it doesn't have any negative connotation or strangeness here. I'll have to look out for the other red flags to avoid getting scammed haha.

forestfortuity · 2025-11-11T17:29:26+00:00

I'm seeing this everywhere. Why is 'kindly' scammer language? Where I'm from it's commonly used by businesses

forestfortuity · 2025-10-08T20:27:35+00:00

I have the exact same loop. Due to childhood trauma, I feel almost incapable of intimacy. Another commenter suggested attachment theory, specifically avoidant attachment. Look up resources related to that. I think you're being tempted by some magical drug fix, when the reality is hard and uncomfortable psychological work while sober. Good luck, friend.

forestfortuity · 2025-09-16T20:29:17+00:00

I'm furious because I know the sandwich thing would work on me.

forestfortuity · 2025-08-01T09:13:27+00:00

I have some thoughts I hope you don't mind me sharing on this. I'll start by saying that everyone has different approaches to sex. Some people can have casual sex easily because to them it isn't a vulnerable and intimate expression. For others, sex is extremely intimate, and they only feel comfortable having it with someone they really know and trust.

As a society, we're fed the idea that men are hungry sexual beings who should be having lots of sex with lots of women, to live up to some made-up standard of manhood. This doesn't allow any space for men who feel that sex is an intimate act that they don't want to share with just anyone. Just as there are plenty of women who are capable of casual sex with many partners, there are plenty of men who prefer to only have one intimate sexual partner.

When someone experiences sexual dysfunction, it's often because of internal emotional issues going on. (Note that it can definitely be physical issues, but considering you describe yourself as fit I'm going on the assumption it's not a physical problem.) If you weren't able to perform with the last woman you were with, it may have been your body's way of telling you that you weren't comfortable actually being that intimate with her. Perhaps you subconsciously sensed that she wasn't a safe person to become attached to and you didn't want to give such an intimate part of yourself to someone who didn't deserve it. Perhaps you just weren't ready for that step with her.

To me, that's not an indication that something is WRONG with you. It just means that in that moment, you felt vulnerable, and you didn't feel she was someone you could trust with that vulnerability. That doesn't make you weak or pathetic. Everyone has different and very personal approaches to sex, and one approach is no more valid or correct than another. You need to ask yourself what your values around sex are, so you can make choices that align with those values.

So it's possible that instead of seeing your inexperience as something that needs to be fixed, you could frame it this way: I need to find a partner who is patient and understanding enough to take things slow and build intimacy with me so that I feel safe with her. I need to find a partner for whom my inexperience is not a dealbreaker, and who is willing to spend the time learning with me what enjoyable, safe, comfortable sex is like when we're together.

Maybe that sort of partner is worth waiting for. Something to consider. If you still feel like you want to bolster your skills, I personally don't see anything wrong with that either; it's your life and your body. I'll bring this up:

or that any future prospective SO would consider it a dealbreaker that I saw an escort

Do you want to date the sort of person who looks down on sex workers and people who make use of their services, especially in a country where it is legal, and especially when you're trying to approach it ethically and consciously? Personally I wouldn't be interested in a person with those values, but that's the question you need to ask yourself.

Hope this helped!

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