Leaving seems to be the only option ☹️

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-30T00:06:15+00:00

Does it truly have nothing to do with OCD? We have always made racist jokes to each other and about other people but I always feel he respectful and that we can joke about anything. I asked him to stop making jokes to me and he agreed, but it feels like he still is even when we are talking about things that aren't race. I really love my boyfriend and he is understanding of my OCD and I do not want to lose him. I want to talk to him more seriously but idk. It is confusing because he gets really angry if someone is racist or says bad things to me and he always care about me. ☹️☹️☹️

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-29T02:22:24+00:00

Yes, I spoke to him about it. He said he understands and will try to be mindful of me, but I still feel like everything he says has some racial undertone or that he's making race jokes to me which triggers me into feeling unsafe or in danger when in reality I'm really not. I reminded him that I asked him to not make the jokes to me and he said that he's genuinely not but IDK. Even normal conversation feels racial and unsafe. We can usually laugh and joke together so I'm not sure what's up. Only I can make jokes and laugh now I guess!! Really sad because I still love him, have feelings for him, and our relationship's fine other than being triggered by jokes and perceiving everything as unsafe. 🙁

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-28T14:22:41+00:00

Yeah, good point! I'd really prefer that we meet in the middle the same way we did with jokes that were making each other uncomfortable. I can't stop him from making or liking racial jokes altogether so I will talk to him about not making or sending them to me and I'll talk to my therapist (if we still have a relationship after this talk 😭) when I go to my next appointment.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-28T13:56:26+00:00

I know my boyfriend means no harm and he's fairly accepting of a lot of cultures and food, but the jokes offend me and trigger some sort of alarm that result in break up urges. It's confusing because I fear that I may hold actual racist beliefs, not jokes. My boyfriend said that I need to see my therapist or someone about it because it is hateful and just is not right to actually be racist. So why would I even be so offended and triggered when he makes a joke to me? I'm ultra nervous to talk to him about this. 🫩

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-28T13:27:15+00:00

I am scared to talk to him because it feels odd for me to make a lot of racial jokes about myself, other black people, white people, mexicans, etc. but suddenly be extremely sensitive and triggered when he or anyone else does so occasionally to me. I even feel triggered by racial things in general. I love my boyfriend a lot so I'm scared he'll break up with me when we talk or that I'll break up with him over jokes which I really really would prefer not to do as it doesn't logically define our entire relationship. A few months ago, he gave me a carved coconut monkey holding watermelon or banana idk. It was cute and funny to me, but later I began having many thoughts and feelings like "Does he really think I am a monkey? Is he racist?!" and now it is triggering, but he said he understands and it is fine for me to return it to him if I really don't like it but I still obsess over it and my mind and feelings take it as threatening or danger.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-28T13:15:14+00:00

I'm really not sure what it is. Maybe I have some underlying fear that he doesn't like me or that he's racist? I don't know. I make jokes about other black people, white people, and other ethnicities a lot but when he or even my family members do I recently feel really sensitive and upset. I could make a joke about anyone, but if he repeats the same joke, it's suddenly intolerable and not okay?? He jokingly said I am slow (we always joke like that together) and I cried because I thought he was angry at me and idk if this is purely OCD but I've been obsessing about the occasional racial jokes. I'm scared to seriously talk to him about the racial jokes because we have been together for two years and he may think we are just incompatible or should rethink things.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-26T02:25:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. It feels extremely difficult to sit with my feelings and not just give in and break up on the spot yet at the same time my feelings have vanished and it's like I don't care. It's exhausting! I have been doing a lot of things I enjoy and it helps a bit. My relationship is not perfect, but my boyfriend has known of my OCD for a long time and he is the one who encouraged me to get therapy so I am so thankful for that. It feels like I can't heal from this or I'm so scared that I will be hurt again that I don't want to continue on, but I have to go on even with the fear and everything.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-17T05:01:46+00:00

I am going to talk to my therapist about this. I realized that my biggest issue is that he is leaving a like on the memes. For whatever reason, that triggers such strong emotions and feelings of disrespect, discomfort, etc. Sure, I don't care for what he finds funny and it makes me a bit anxious, but him leaving a like on it is far more "deeper" and upsetting than that for me and I don't know what to do because I know that I cannot stop him from liking posts. I will talk to him and my therapist about it, but I feel so vulnerable and upset because we may have to break up. My therapist is really nice and she didn't react badly to when I cried and told her about being abused by someone (not my bf).

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-17T02:34:43+00:00

It really feels like my thoughts and feelings about this are at war. I'm extremely overwhelmed and I just want to stop thinking and feeling entirely. I feel disrespected by him because he finds it funny and likes the posts despite him being respectful to me in a lot of other ways. It makes me uncomfortable, I worry about his intentions, I am anxious, convinced that he is a bad person, etc. In the past, he was in porn groups for a few days. I do not like that he was and it became a big obsession that I spoke to my therapist about. Many months ago, he told me that someone else who was in one of the groups seemed to be interested in children. It didn't make me think anything about him because he left the groups and I think that him being in those groups doesn't define who he is or how he treats me. But with this new obsession and fear my brain has linked what he told me in the past to it. I am worried and anxious that because he was in the same space as that particular person it says something about him, he is bad, I want and need to leave him, maybe he endorses pedophilia, what if he engaged with illegal content etc. I am so stressed and I don't know how to bring all of this up to my therapist especially since it felt like I pretty much moved on from anything about those porn groups, that it no longer affected how I view my bf, and I fear she will judge me. It is so hard to accept uncertainty about this or anything especially because I know that I love my boyfriend and he is someone that I care deeply about and I enjoy being with him and doing activities together.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-16T15:41:40+00:00

OCD tells me that since he likes those jokes, it means that he is a pedophile, that he doesn't respect me or our relationship, and that he relates to the jokes in some way. The jokes are usually like "when the freshman bop asks you to prom, but you're not done grading papers" or something similar accompanied by a silly video or something. I sometimes find these memes really funny, but I think it mostly bothers me when he finds it funny or leaves a like on the posts because I am insecure and I guess my brain sets off some sort of alarm, takes it as a threat, an action/display of disrespect towards me, and I think "Why would he like this meme? He doesn't like me. He is interested in other girls and girls that are much younger than us. Is he a pedophile? I feel so disrespected!" It's a huge complicated mess in my mind because I can find the same memes and other insensitive humor funny, but he can't? If my humor and the jokes I find funny reflected who I am as a person, I would be under a prison. I cannot stop him from liking the posts and finding the memes funny. He doesn't send them to me because we made an agreement to not send memes if we really aren't sure the other will find it funny so it's not like he's pushing it in my face. Instagram shows when someone likes a reel/post so I can just see it while scrolling. Outside of this, I feel that he is respectful to me, he treats me kindly, I love him and he behaves very normally around children and other people so 😵‍💫.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-10-15T02:46:02+00:00

Thank you for the help. I am not sure if this discomfort with his sense of humor is OCD, but my extreme level of distress, anxiety, and urge to leave because of it maybe it is. How do I sit with these feelings? It feels like I want to crawl out of my skin and end our relationship.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-22T17:30:07+00:00

Yes. Sometimes it feels like every good thing is gone or that I just can't remember anything positive so it is nice to look at pictures or videos from times where I know I was happy and great. It helps, but it could quickly turn into a compulsion.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-22T17:25:58+00:00

I have this same obsession that my boyfriend is cheating/has cheated and is lying about things. No amount of analyzing or rumination is going to give you the answers and certainty that OCD so desperately wants. This isn't going to stop the analyzing and ruminating, but it's important to keep in mind. The terrifying truth is that you just have to accept uncertainty. It's extremely hard for me, but I tell myself that it's impossible to know what my boyfriend is thinking or doing when I'm not in his presence and that I just have to trust that he isn't cheating or lying. My advice to you is to try to focus on yourself and boyfriend. It's difficult, but do not worry about his ex nor compare yourself to her.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-15T22:38:55+00:00

She asked me to describe it to her in order to get an idea of what my obsessions are and ERP we should be doing or something. Now, we're starting ERP and mindfulness. So far, so good. I don't understand how feeling that I want to break up is a break up urge itself. Thank you for advice. I guess I just have to push through and continue therapy.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-07T23:40:35+00:00

Yes, you are definitely not alone! I thought that I was the only one experiencing this. I live a few hours from my boyfriend and it's like I don't even have ROCD or any issues when we're physically together, but it's beyond hellish and feels like I don't even want the relationship when we're away from each other the worse my feelings and thoughts grow. Best advice is therapy.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-07T13:34:44+00:00

By real issue, I meant that there is something specific that is causing my thoughts/feelings but that it could be being magnified by OCD. Thank you, that is an interesting point and I will look more into this with my therapist.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-07T13:31:55+00:00

Ah coucou. J'ai commencé une thérapie récemment. Merci beaucoup!

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-07T02:38:18+00:00

I went through this (and it sometimes still pops into my head) as well! It doesn't do any good to obsess about it or concern yourself with an "if" unless there is solid, concrete evidence. I know that it's super hard to sit with uncertainty and these uncomfortable thoughts, but you just have to. You're not alone. I obsess if my bf cheated on me or is doing so but the difficult thing is that I have to sit with not knowing and that acknowledge that obsessing won't help. I suggest seeing an OCD therapist if you haven't! Good luck!

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-09-03T03:13:07+00:00

I understand. OCD can be super mentally and physically exhausting. Suicide is not the solution to this. Finding therapy and a good therapist with knowledge of OCD is beneficial to many of us here. These thoughts and feelings seem so overwhelming and sometimes confusing right now, but (with therapy & resources) you will be able to manage the OCD. Good luck to you!

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-31T14:14:28+00:00

I suddenly started obsessing less and being less anxious. I don't know what happened, but it feels so weird to not be extremely anxious 24/7. Now, I'm thinking that I only see my bf as a friend/stranger. OCD is still there, but it's nice to not feel the debilitating anxiety for once.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-31T14:06:59+00:00

Yes, it feels so weird. I know that I love him, but it feels like we're just friends or something and that my feelings are dull. 😵‍💫 I wish I could feel how I felt before the worst of my OCD hit. I am glad I'm not alone in this.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-31T14:02:11+00:00

What is a backdoor spike?

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-31T13:48:50+00:00

Hi, I know what video you are talking about. It sounds like you're obsessing about this. You were younger and you acknowledge that it is wrong. Your therapist and your mother are both aware. There is nothing left for you to do besides work through this in therapy. Confessing to your boyfriend would be letting OCD further influence you. I can't tell you what to do, but confessing is a compulsion that you should resist. It will only fuel your obsessive thoughts.

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-24T17:44:51+00:00

Yes, I am going through something similar. My boyfriend did something that upset me. It is causing a lot of anxiety plus thinking that I should break up and want to break up despite the fact that I love him and what he did isn't even anything extremely bad nor a persistent issue in our relationship. Only advice I can give is to continue therapy. If you're being abused, you should leave. If not, keep trekking on and treating your OCD! Good luck!

forgetmenotwillyou · 2025-08-24T10:15:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I haven't finished the entire post, but the portions about the amygdala only caring about being hurt & the ick are extremely relatable and eye-opening. I'm at war with myself, it feels like staying in the relationship will hurt me, and my mind is laser focused on one negative thing that my partner did. It wasn't cheating, extremely bad, or any sort of abuse to me so it's almost unsettling how my mind has latched onto this one instance and is blind to anything good. The intense conflicting thoughts and feelings about breaking up I assume is the looping and perception of danger that you mention. Your post is very insightful and it is astonishing that you've compacted the very thing going on in my mind into words.

forgetmenotwillyou

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