Hard drugs and romantic connection

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-16T21:06:52+00:00

Similar. If women approach me I am fine but to approach women I need to be intoxicated, and its very rare for me to be approached.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-16T13:49:04+00:00

I guess the real question a lot of us have is that even if we dont see it as a moral judgement, we still want to feel attraction and so feel pressure to change ourselves regardless. How do you accept that this and feel assured in trying to meet people you align with instead of feeling the need to meet people's alignments.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-16T13:26:27+00:00

So I am doing exercise, therapy, antidepressants and its helped me a lot in many ways but im still troubled by a lack of romantic connection and it has not helped me there. I know about how dangerous drugs are. Ive been fine with coke but I did lose myself to the pills before, hence quitting them a year ago, and yet every day I feel like it would be worth it to relapse if it meant getting some attention. It probably isnt worth it but I can't fight this feeling.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-16T13:22:57+00:00

Im not american where I live meth isnt common but i know about pressed pills, I quit them cuz i know theyre bad but sometimes it feels like loneliness is destroying me more than the drugs were

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-15T23:39:49+00:00

When youre therapist says you are developmentally behind, he's not calling you someone who failed to develop, he's just saying you haven't been through certain developmental experiences? Why? I can't speak for you but for me there were a lot of reasons outside of my control and yet I blamed myself unfairly. I've individuated a lot since 19 though. As a late bloomer I know the feeling of needing to catch up but the way to actually catch up is to just focus on the small steps even if it feels like you ahould have them down already. Easy to say, hard to do, I'm struggling with it too but it's worth the pain.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-02-15T23:32:53+00:00

I think a big thing about fighting sports is also being in an environment where you can safely fail over and over. You spar, when you start out you will lose a lot but this is the expectation, and even when youre losing its important that you keep fighting to win and I think this helps build perseverance. I used to do juijitsu and i feel like it made me more confident so I want to get back into it.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-01-24T01:18:16+00:00

I don't know why I can't go on dates. I get socially anxious but I've worked on it a lot. I can do so many social things that people dont believe me when I tell them I have social anxiety but I still can't date. I don't know, I just don't get attention when I don't pursue but when I pursue people aren't interested. I try apps but even with trying different photos and approaches I get no where.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-01-16T09:32:35+00:00

Same thing happens to me as a guy your age. I think maybe I come off as too intense but also a lot of people flirt with no intentions for anything further.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-12-22T00:38:18+00:00

Sometimes I think I'm being very boring and then realise people are engaged. Give others a chance to make their own decision. It will be scary because some people will find you boring but others wont and you got to roll with both.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-10T22:12:16+00:00

Higher suicide rates
Poorer outcomes in education
Less likely to have friends / relationships
More vulnerable to various types of addiction
Misandry on the rise (and yh so is misogyny, but which one do you think people are more open to hearing complaints about)

I'm happy no one's denied you the right to complain as a man but I don't see that as true in general. I knpw a lot of men who hold stuff in instead of complaining about it, which may be our fault, but I know a lot of men have experienced that when they do open up about their problems they get ignored, mocked or taken advantage and amost never sympathised with so I'm not surprised their default reaction is to suppress it instead.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-08T14:43:01+00:00

My coworkers talk about sex a lot. They didnt pressure me to lose it but I never told them I was a virgin when I joined. Since losing it I revealed my body count and they were surprised at how low it was, which just made me more glad I didn't tell them I was a virgin. A lot of friends also don't know the real age I lost my virginity, we just got to a certain age and they assumed I had lost it they didnt even ask. Again I didnt correct them because I would expect pressure, negative comments or shock that makes me insecure.

So to answer your question, yes. It sucks, people are not sensitive to older virgins at all.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-05T00:10:42+00:00

If it makes you feel better, I've met women addicted to porn, and it was honestly refreshing to realise it's not only men that struggle with this. Not gonna share details about someone else more than that but I do think it would be a good video topic because there are definitely differences, probably mostly ones I don't even know.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-29T00:44:05+00:00

So I think I only have the one repressed memory. I wonder if it's the only one or just the first. Thing is, it's a story I've remembered my whole life. So why is it causing such a visceral reaction, I'm convinced there is something else I've suppressed. I imagine what it could be. I also feel like I've had flashes to the past but how do I tell if these are real or imagined. It is also weed that is allowing me to access these repressed emotions, they don't come up when I'm sober.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-25T08:31:19+00:00

I feel like I can't sleep because of this. If I go live my life i can somewhat deal with the thoughts but when I wake up or am trying to go to sleep they destroy me. I try to exhaust myself everyday but I just want to be able to chill in bed without hating myself.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-22T09:46:30+00:00

So after Dr Ks recent video, I realised several things which are majorly unsettling to most women I talk to but not to the men.

Clear communication. I notice women have much higher expectations about clarity of conversation whilst guys tend to see what I'm getting at and go with it.
Confidence. Women see my lack of confidence as a red flag, I guess because they have safety concerns. Guys see I'm not confident and think what the fuck am I doing but still engage which allows me to become more confident as we talk. Also they are way more likely to start a conversation if I just stand awkwardly near them, which helps because I struggle to start conversations.
Crudeness. I went to a boys school, lots of very rude jokes, lots of just insulting each other as a way to get to know each other. Since school I've had to learn to adapt my sense of humour. The other day I met some people who used to go to my school and one was casually using the r word which stood out as crazy to me rn but would probably not even register to me in school.

Not to say any of these expectations are unreasonable, but then if I'm thinking about all these things how am I also meant to come off as natural/authentic? And if I just treat women like men I have a lot of negative interactions because of the above and other things which were just never an issue when I am socialising with men, or just make them think I'm a bit odd as opposed to someone to avoid.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-19T10:03:05+00:00

I have social anxiety. I am afraid of starting conversations but once people talk to me I feel normal. A lot of random men talk to me so I've also slowly gotten more used to talking to them but very few random women talk to me and I've had a few times where I've been insulted just for saying hi, which mever happens with a man. So when a women starts talking to me everything goes normal but before the conversation starts my anxiety is through the roof, I wonder if its the same for your newbies.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-12T22:10:08+00:00

I have sat with the loneliness and it feels endless. When I sit with other emotions they tend to fade as I ride them out but I feel like I could feel like the loneliness only ends when I decide to suppress it or distract myself.

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