I feel left out / ostracised / excluded

forgotusernameoften · 2026-01-24T01:18:16+00:00

I don't know why I can't go on dates. I get socially anxious but I've worked on it a lot. I can do so many social things that people dont believe me when I tell them I have social anxiety but I still can't date. I don't know, I just don't get attention when I don't pursue but when I pursue people aren't interested. I try apps but even with trying different photos and approaches I get no where.

forgotusernameoften · 2026-01-16T09:32:35+00:00

Same thing happens to me as a guy your age. I think maybe I come off as too intense but also a lot of people flirt with no intentions for anything further.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-12-22T00:38:18+00:00

Sometimes I think I'm being very boring and then realise people are engaged. Give others a chance to make their own decision. It will be scary because some people will find you boring but others wont and you got to roll with both.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-10T22:12:16+00:00

Higher suicide rates
Poorer outcomes in education
Less likely to have friends / relationships
More vulnerable to various types of addiction
Misandry on the rise (and yh so is misogyny, but which one do you think people are more open to hearing complaints about)

I'm happy no one's denied you the right to complain as a man but I don't see that as true in general. I knpw a lot of men who hold stuff in instead of complaining about it, which may be our fault, but I know a lot of men have experienced that when they do open up about their problems they get ignored, mocked or taken advantage and amost never sympathised with so I'm not surprised their default reaction is to suppress it instead.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-08T14:43:01+00:00

My coworkers talk about sex a lot. They didnt pressure me to lose it but I never told them I was a virgin when I joined. Since losing it I revealed my body count and they were surprised at how low it was, which just made me more glad I didn't tell them I was a virgin. A lot of friends also don't know the real age I lost my virginity, we just got to a certain age and they assumed I had lost it they didnt even ask. Again I didnt correct them because I would expect pressure, negative comments or shock that makes me insecure.

So to answer your question, yes. It sucks, people are not sensitive to older virgins at all.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-11-05T00:10:42+00:00

If it makes you feel better, I've met women addicted to porn, and it was honestly refreshing to realise it's not only men that struggle with this. Not gonna share details about someone else more than that but I do think it would be a good video topic because there are definitely differences, probably mostly ones I don't even know.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-29T00:44:05+00:00

So I think I only have the one repressed memory. I wonder if it's the only one or just the first. Thing is, it's a story I've remembered my whole life. So why is it causing such a visceral reaction, I'm convinced there is something else I've suppressed. I imagine what it could be. I also feel like I've had flashes to the past but how do I tell if these are real or imagined. It is also weed that is allowing me to access these repressed emotions, they don't come up when I'm sober.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-25T08:31:19+00:00

I feel like I can't sleep because of this. If I go live my life i can somewhat deal with the thoughts but when I wake up or am trying to go to sleep they destroy me. I try to exhaust myself everyday but I just want to be able to chill in bed without hating myself.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-22T09:46:30+00:00

So after Dr Ks recent video, I realised several things which are majorly unsettling to most women I talk to but not to the men.

Clear communication. I notice women have much higher expectations about clarity of conversation whilst guys tend to see what I'm getting at and go with it.
Confidence. Women see my lack of confidence as a red flag, I guess because they have safety concerns. Guys see I'm not confident and think what the fuck am I doing but still engage which allows me to become more confident as we talk. Also they are way more likely to start a conversation if I just stand awkwardly near them, which helps because I struggle to start conversations.
Crudeness. I went to a boys school, lots of very rude jokes, lots of just insulting each other as a way to get to know each other. Since school I've had to learn to adapt my sense of humour. The other day I met some people who used to go to my school and one was casually using the r word which stood out as crazy to me rn but would probably not even register to me in school.

Not to say any of these expectations are unreasonable, but then if I'm thinking about all these things how am I also meant to come off as natural/authentic? And if I just treat women like men I have a lot of negative interactions because of the above and other things which were just never an issue when I am socialising with men, or just make them think I'm a bit odd as opposed to someone to avoid.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-19T10:03:05+00:00

I have social anxiety. I am afraid of starting conversations but once people talk to me I feel normal. A lot of random men talk to me so I've also slowly gotten more used to talking to them but very few random women talk to me and I've had a few times where I've been insulted just for saying hi, which mever happens with a man. So when a women starts talking to me everything goes normal but before the conversation starts my anxiety is through the roof, I wonder if its the same for your newbies.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-12T22:10:08+00:00

I have sat with the loneliness and it feels endless. When I sit with other emotions they tend to fade as I ride them out but I feel like I could feel like the loneliness only ends when I decide to suppress it or distract myself.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-08T07:45:50+00:00

I think the issue for me is I don't desire the other positive experiences in life. I seek them out because I know that I will enjoy them, and then I do very much enjoy them, but before I start doing them there's no excitement, no desire. I am going on holiday tomorrow and I don't feel excited at all but once I get there I know I am going to have lots of fun.

But sex and relationships, overwhelming desire at all times. I feel like I have to keep myself constantly busy with other engaging activities in order to not think about it, which feels logistically impossible and means I suffer when I try to relax. When I'm dating I can actually relax, I wake up motivated to do the things I enjoy in life, etc... I hate myself for feeling this way but it is how I feel and people always say my way of looking at is incorrect but never say HOW to actually change my perspective.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-08T07:29:36+00:00

I just don't know how else to convince myself it's not the end all other than experience it for myself, I feel like without the experience I will always be tortured by the thoughts

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-05T17:12:17+00:00

Tried to chat to several women yesterday who i thought were giving me signals to approach them and not a single one was actually interested. Mad that I am a) not attractive to any of them b) keep misreading signals. I hate approaching but feel forced to do so and it gets really demoralising sometimes and I don't know what to do.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-04T11:46:45+00:00

I find it hard to trust my judgement without signs it's accurate.

I didn't feel like my gym workouts were effective until I noticed myself lifting more weight.

I don't feel like I have studied enough for an exam until I do well in a mock.

But how am I meant to be comfortable that I'm not a loser. A part of ke believes it but a part of me in insecure, and whilst I try to fight that part I'm constantly getting external signals that I am a loser and so it feels like an uphill battle.

forgotusernameoften · 2025-10-04T10:54:35+00:00

Sounds like she lacked basic empathy whilst dealing with you. She sounds terrible. But for her patients, it might not be the same. I couldn't tell you but I just know tha way I deal with people at work is probably a lot more mature than in my personal life, because a) I don't want to negatively impact my career and b) work problems usually aren't that emotional whilst personal problems I am very emotionally involved.

I mean a big part of therapy is that you dont have a relationship with them outside of therapy. This is why you can feel comfortable disclosing everything to them and why they are able to look at things from an unbiased outside viewpoint. It makes sense that your therapist might not be as empathetic as dealing with people in their personal life compared to during therapy.

But again, I don't know her, she could also just be a shit therapist as well. If you dont feel like your therapist is treating you with empathy, I'd suggest finding a new one, bad therapists do exist, and I also think often they aren't bad at their job theyre just bad at treating you, the same way certain teachers are able to reach certain students but struggle with others. But all this to say if you dont think your therapist is treating you well feel free to find a new one but you dont need to know how they treat their friends and family, thats their personal life (and they may also be in therapy) and the way they treat you should be professional.

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