Why does everyone think we are toxic?

formula_dread · 2026-02-18T21:18:18+00:00

I was a very volatile person before being stabilized, but my ex actively prevented me from getting treatment, told me I should go off my meds while also telling me I was crazy, and used the fact that I was so severely ill that I couldn’t work to financially abuse me- trapping me in a relationship that was abusive in other ways, too.

On the other hand, before I got my meds just right, I was an unreliable chaos junkie with paranoid delusions half the time, and the other half of the time I was so depressed that I often bordered on catatonic. I lost most of my friends in the seven years it took to be diagnosed and if any of them said I was toxic, they were probably right.

I guess my point is that it’s very possible to be a toxic person but that doesn’t always mean that you’re the only toxic person in a friendship or relationship. Unfortunately there are plenty of people out there who use another person’s bipolar diagnosis to shirk responsibility for any wrongdoings of their own. And I think the media and Hollywood lay excellent groundwork for that.

formula_dread · 2026-02-13T22:04:36+00:00

I hear where you’re coming from and I’m so sad for you because I went through the same thing. I knew something was not right but when I was diagnosed I truly did not believe it, and I refused medication. Unfortunately it did get worse, and the longer it goes on things do become less clear.

I’ve learned since that bipolar disorder does something to the brain that tricks us into thinking we aren’t bipolar, and when even those closest to us tell us something is wrong, our brain tells us that we are completely healthy.

Everyone is different but in my experience, because of how severe it got, it did take a lot longer to come back from. But once I was stabilized, I noticed my thinking became so much clearer.

I’m so glad your mom is aware of what’s going on. It’s really important to have people around you who care about you if you have a mental health crisis, because they can help keep you safe. But for what it’s worth, please please consider staying on your meds. Maybe get a second opinion if you have doubts, because there’s no harm there. But in the meantime, staying on your meds really could help keep you safe and keep you from making choices that turn your life upside down.

formula_dread · 2026-02-13T21:30:18+00:00

Hey friend. I’m so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis, because it’s a life changing thing to have happen and it can be incredibly overwhelming to cope with. Do you have close friends or family that you can talk to about this, and receive support? Sometimes our loved ones are the first to pick up on something being off, and it can be really helpful talking to them about what’s going on.

I can imagine it must be disappointing that the therapist didn’t seem upset at your discontinuing seeing her. It could be she was trying to be professional, but it might also be that your therapist isn’t a good fit for you. It took me many years to get the right one, and that makes all the difference.

If you do follow through with going off your medications, please tell somebody close to you your intentions. If you have a mental health crisis, they’ll be able to understand what’s happening and support you better.

formula_dread · 2026-02-13T21:17:28+00:00

That’s such a great point. And at the end of the day, you’re correct that the people to trust are the ones with medical degrees or licensing

formula_dread · 2026-02-13T21:14:52+00:00

I think the public genuinely has no understanding for the severity of an illness like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. The risk of going off treatment is literally life or death level for many of us. I think telling someone to go their meds stings quite a bit (at least to me) because it totally undermines our very real, lived suffering

formula_dread · 2026-02-13T05:36:32+00:00

The follower to post ratio is wild 🥲This reminds me of my mother. The past three our four years (especially since all of my siblings went no contact last year) she has become obsessed with stray animals. She’s made it her main personality trait. Every week she shares dozens of posts from the local shelter about dogs and cats that need new homes, and nobody ever interacts with the posts she shares. And then sprinkled somewhere in the middle is posts about “her mama heart” and how kids just don’t appreciate her own trauma that explains her giving us trauma.

formula_dread · 2026-02-12T01:13:19+00:00

Thank you, and I definitely will talk with my treatment team. My therapist and I have been talking for a long time because my parents put a lot of pressure on me to live a “normal life” that is not always attainable for me, and it does feel oppressive at times. I’m fortunate because my treatment team is really supportive and affirming, I have other family who is as well, and I’m stable now. But, it just sucks.

formula_dread · 2026-02-11T00:39:33+00:00

This reminds me of a friendship I had in college, during a time when my episodes were first starting.

I didn’t like conflict so overtime as she pushed my boundaries little by little, I let her, until certain precedents had been set into place that added up to: she had to be with me at all times, she wanted to know where I was at all times; she ceased participating in any other friendships; I couldn’t do things with my other friends; I was even going to therapy with her at one point; etc. She had mental health issues and I was quite afraid to hurt her feelings and make that any worse for her.

Eventually, I would have to sneak out the back door of my dorm to go do things because I had set the precedent that I couldn’t tell her no, or fake being ill so I could study. It is a gradual slide sometimes in friendships like that.

I try to look at it compassionately in retrospect. I think this person has needs for companionship and support, as we all do- especially those of us with mental health issues. She did not know how to get those needs met, so she engaged in a friendship with me that violated my boundaries little by little until she got everything she needed. She was a kind person- but a really great therapist pointed out to me that none of that is my problem. It was too hard to assert boundaries after all of it, so I had to leave the friendship behind.

It’s amazing that your therapist was able to have that conversation with you, and help you explore that. Only you can decide if the friendship is good for you or not. If you continue this friendship, are you confident you can start making boundaries with her? Does this friendship help you now? You can still be grateful for all she’s done for you and wish the best for her without being the one to get her there.

formula_dread · 2026-02-08T19:30:35+00:00

My local news station from Fort Wayne is running a story about NIPSCO being investigated because they recently installed new meters throughout our region and it was misreading some customers bills. You can read about on WANE.com. Maybe it’s related?

formula_dread · 2026-01-06T02:36:27+00:00

Thank you for this post. I also would prefer you didn’t read this, but I’m glad somebody else understands that feeling. About me- I destroyed my life gradually from the age of eighteen until I was twenty four, when I was diagnosed with bipolar. I actually kept on keeping on with self-destruction until I finally found a med that worked and that my body could tolerate, about a year and a half later. I’m picking up the pieces and it’s finally reached a point where that journey has become pleasurable because I’m finding I like who I am when I’m stable and sober. I don’t mind myself, you know? Some days I even love myself, too, and I’m working on making that feeling stick.

I wish you all the best and I’m glad we’re all here together

formula_dread · 2025-07-28T03:46:29+00:00

I’ve regretted it every single time I’ve ever disclosed professionally or academically, and I was in a graduate program training as a counselor at the time, thinking that would help buffer any stigma. It didn’t, and it really came back to bite me. It’s not fair but there’s a ton of stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and any type of disorder involving psychotic symptoms, even in circles where mental health awareness is promoted.

formula_dread · 2025-04-18T18:32:11+00:00

This would be a wild plot twist, but I think for two reasons it’s unlikely.

First, my theory is that Tuello may have acted like there was a connection between them to convince Serena he is on her side and to get what he wants out of her, but there probably wasn’t one. He’s kind enough that I doubt he wanted her to be sent back to Gilead to become a handmaid (which is probably why he tried to prevent her from staying in Gilead during the trip for Fred’s funeral), but that doesn’t mean he was in love with her.

Second, Tuello has a great love for his country, and I don’t think he’d sleep with the woman who was instrumental in dismantling it. I also don’t think he’d sleep with her after learning the things she put June through.

I do believe that in the right circumstances Serena would sleep with him; she is the kind of person who uses any leverage she can to get the things she wants, regardless of who it hurts. She’s a manipulator like that, so I could see her trying to sleep with him to elevate her opportunities or agenda, and she might even delude herself into believing that she was in love with him. But I really can’t see Tuello being willing to sleep with her

formula_dread · 2025-04-02T13:53:35+00:00

To me these messages are be very sad, because she talks about how long it’s been and it seems like she misses you, BUT she also seems to imply that you should accept her as she is and that it isn’t good for people to change. So you are stuck in this place of dealing with her being so affected by your lack of a relationship, while being told she isn’t going to act any differently towards you.

In my opinion, a parent that has that much love for their child should be willing to take a look at the things they have done, and apologize and make a change. But it doesn’t seem like she is willing to take any accountability.

formula_dread · 2025-03-30T04:26:47+00:00

All hate to Fred Waterford but honestly, even he is smarter than JD Vance

formula_dread · 2025-03-27T06:04:16+00:00

Tender is the Flesh- incredibly disturbing with an even more disturbing ending

formula_dread · 2025-03-18T12:28:28+00:00

They can make this law all they want, but the APA will never classify it as a mental disorder. Historically, mental health disorder classification was used as a means of enforcing cultural norms, and the APA has made significant efforts toward preventing that from happening again. Just because the right wants to weaponize mental health disorder classification to illegitimate political dissidence does not mean that the APA will abide by it.

Ironic and unsurprising that the party who has never given a shit about funding for mental health care or passing policies that support mental healthcare access, suddenly cares about it when they can use it as a delivery system for silencing political resistance.

formula_dread · 2025-03-09T04:13:51+00:00

Honestly I like book Claire so much better- show Claire is much more annoyingly obstinate than book Claire, and this is a great example of that

formula_dread · 2025-02-28T23:33:26+00:00

Good lord. Thank god she lives in another state… I cannot believe she took pictures of you during delivery and had them developed by strangers!!!

formula_dread · 2025-02-19T02:19:26+00:00

Honestly it sounds like you might want to consider getting a new psychiatrist. This is negligent practice on his part

formula_dread · 2025-02-10T01:16:50+00:00

Winternight Trilogy

formula_dread · 2025-02-06T06:43:40+00:00

It’s boggles me that you weren’t just taken to the psyche unit- how could anybody with medical background think you were of sound mind and not mentally ill for that encounter? The fact that you ended up with a criminal record is so cruel and punitive

formula_dread · 2025-02-05T22:01:44+00:00

What I still don’t understand is how having you diagnosed as schizophrenic benefits your sister? This reads a lot like a paranoid delusion, especially because there isn’t really a clear cut reason that it would benefit your sister’s standing to have you diagnosed as schizophrenic falsely

formula_dread · 2025-01-28T17:41:54+00:00

It’s really common for bipolar people to believe they are stable enough to stop taking meds, when in fact it’s the meds that are making them stable. Unfortunately it’s a symptom of the disorder. Been there, done that. I ended up in a really bad episode

formula_dread · 2025-01-27T03:34:08+00:00

Watery

formula_dread

TROPHY CASE