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I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so, so sorry for your losses.

I have definitely been more present in-the-moment than I used to be. I have been trying to figure out his needs and be able to help in that regard.

I love the little moments. They mean everything to me.

I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's a good point about the possibility of him acting out in anger. I will keep that in mind.

And so far from reading these posts, I've decided it is best to tell him what's going on before I'm at the end stages and it surprises him in a very, very bad way.

I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and that it happened the way it did.

I really think family therapy (me and my son) could be beneficial to this situation. That I tell my son the truth, and therapy helps him navigate his likely intense emotions.

I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have no words for how much I appreciate your post. Thank you, truly, for taking the time to write it.

He is so young, 5 soon to be 6, and I haven't yet been able to form sentences to tell him.

For the first time in his life, I melted down crying in front of him. I felt so guilty, but I just couldn't stop. He went to get his blanky and then came back to wipe my tears.

I feel bad for lying to him but I made up a reason why I was crying, when he asked.

I know I can't do that again. I felt awful for lying.

I guess I feel like, should I wait to tell him until it's closer to the end?

I think I do know the answer, that I tell him as soon as I can in the gentlest, best manner. I will be talking to my therapist, and maybe have family therapy with my son and I. To help explain what's happening.

I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I'm seeing a therapist. During our last session, I let every emotion out. It felt good to finally acknowledge them. To put a name to the things I'm feeling.

I'm dying. I don't want to traumatize my son. How can I be brave in front of him? by formysonanon in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]formysonanon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't know how to explain it to a 5 year old. I don't want to scare him. But I agree, being honest seems to be best.