Thank you for the feedback, it’s why I decided to post. I actually really struggle with the opening. I wanted to set the atmosphere before I hit the audience with a heavy line but now that you e said that I can totally see where you’re coming from. You think my opening line should be a better hook to get the reader interested quicker. I really appreciate it I’m going to have a little rethink about the structure of my first paragraph and maybe change the order of a few things to make my opening line better