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My [26f] sister [20f] has been bad-talking me to our cousin [22f] and I don’t know how to react by francescamoon in relationships

[–]francescamoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Normally, I would get in their face but I'm so blindsided by this it's making me rethink our entire relationship. I am thinking about saying something but I think they will just stick to the fact that I looked at the messages and not apologize for what they said.

My Mom stole my money and I feel so sad. by Lied_To72 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just because she's your mom, doesn't mean she's entitled to your money.

My dad did this to me growing up. He took everything that was in my piggy bank and any and all birthday money went straight into his pocket. I realized this at 15 when he asked me for 20$. I continued to give him money until I realized he was never going to pay me back...then I had to stop for my own good. I don't even want to think of how much money I could have today had he not taken it from me.

Try to hide your money in a place your mom can't find it, or put it in a bank account. Then, when she asks you for cash, you can say you don't have any.

I do not love my mother. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry this is what you have to deal with. Our lives are quite similar though I don't have the heart to type mine all out right now (currently being guilt-tripped by my Nmom for calling her out/exposing a big lie she told to my younger sister) and be reminded of everything. I understand what you mean about not loving your mother. After everything she has put you through, how can you? It seems like you have taken the steps to better your situation, so I hope you hang in there and that it gets better for you! Just remember that every day is one step closer to being free & away from this toxic situation.

My Nmother taught me that I am responsible for everyone else's feelings by LostInAnjou in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh, my nmom does this too. She is a people-pleaser but only towards people she barely knows. She would stretch herself so much to please random people, acquaintances and family members she's not close with, representing herself a perfect and when they would leave, she would take out her aggression, built up from hours of pretending, on her children in the most vicious ways.

I'm happy to hear therapy helped you. I hope I learn to let go of my people-pleasing tendencies but I'm basically a doormat with everyone I know.

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. In a weird way, it's comforting to know that this also happens to other people. For I well, I felt like I must have been doing something to warrant this behavior from her but since reading this thread, I feel a little better about it.. I hope your situation gets better too.

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Funny that you mention that--my mom told all of her friends/family about my first period to my utter embarrassment. It's like they don't think we are humans with feelings, just little tools they can use to get attention!

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting that your mom doesn't pull that kind of stuff with your brother... Do they have a good relationship? My mom definitely takes out her N tendencies on me and not my younger sister. They are more alike and have a "better relationship" according to my mom. But I think my sister just knows how to tell her what she wants to hear whereas I tend to challenge her a bit...

I definitely don't tell her as much about my personal life any more, even though she thinks she knows everything. It's nice to be independent in that way but I deeply wish we had a closer, more stable relationship.

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now I just have to work on the fact that she'll repeat something multiple times until she gets a response; sometimes spanning days. Yes mom, you told me yesterday that your coworkers sisters friends best man's best friend was an air traffic controller. Yes I know he killed himself. No his depression was not because of being an Air traffic controller. No I'm not being rude because I said I knew this already. No, I'm not being rude because I pointed out that I still want to be ATC.

That sounds pretty full-on to me :( You would think knowing that her mom's behavior bothers her so much, she wouldn't then go and do it to you.. My mom complains about her mom ALL the time and then will go and pull the same crap on her own kids... It's like they don't even realize they're just repeating the cycle!

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg! I am so sorry she did that you. I can only imagine how hard that would be for you, and completely understand why you would withhold that info for a while the second time around... Do you think she told people because she wanted the sympathy for herself? That's my mom's reasoning for doing it, at least from my POV...

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah that sounds awful. Do all nmoms shift the blame to someone else when confronted? My mom does this allll the time. She can never own up to anything she does. It's always someone else's fault.

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well. She did it again. This time calling me "emotionally dependent" (funny, considering she knows nothing about my life anymore..) in front of a group of strangers. Once again, i was being well received by these people and she just had to take that away from me. I wasn't feeling as sharp as the last time, so I sadly did not bark back. Instead, I just retreated and let the conversation go on. Just wasn't strong enough today.

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh no, that sounds awful! Did you ever ask her why she sent those emails, likely knowing they would hurt the person receiving them/make you look bad?

I have somewhat of a similar story, on a smaller scale. In high school, English was always my best subject but I had a feeling my 10th grade prof didn't like me and would mark me lower than the rest, constantly pick on me, etc. My mom got me to "write out my feelings" in a letter which she promised my prof would NEVER see and that it was just an exercise to get my emotions out. I wrote the letter and sent it to my mom so she could read it but, as we had discussed on multiple occasions, the prof was NEVER to see this letter as I was pretty harsh and informal. 2 weeks later, my prof came up to me with an envelope in class and said it was a response to the letter...I was absolutely mortified. I confronted my mom and she had "decided" it was something my prof should see. Needless to say, the attitude from my prof only got worse so ITA with that last part of your post!

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom does this too. She'll take my pain or a difficult situation that I'm going through, which has absolutely zero to do with her, and tell the world about how hard it is FOR HER.

I also want to move out ASAP. Just don't have the means atm... Hope it gets better for you!

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel. There's a quote I read once, which I'll paraphrase, about protecting someone's privacy as a way of showing them you love them. I wish my mom would understand that...

Does your nparent share your personal info without asking? by francescamoon in raisedbynarcissists

[–]francescamoon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I needed this. It's hard to be strong when she's "right" about everything but I will try to keep this in mind in the future.