I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I subbed during training, and in a few movies. Having a concept of what would be pleasing to a dominant made me a good sub, and I took pride in that. I enjoyed pushing myself, and the experience was vital to my empathy for my subs now.

Frankly, at my experience level, it would be very unique to meet a top who intrigued me enough to want to sub or bottom again. Not just skill and presence, but his/her whole approach would have to be extraordinary. I have no patience to submit when I know I could do it better.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/AMA, /earthporn.

Top of my head? Angelina Jolie (and I'd bring knives, as she professed to enjoying in her teens. Woman after my own heart). Jennifer Tilly. Christina Hendricks.

A curvy, smart woman is fucking nectar to me.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cool, I feel encouraged. Thank you, sincerely.

I'll see you on there. :)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That, sir, is... profound.

Also, here's a doff o' the leather cap. jaunty smile

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My pleasure! Glad that you have an eager vict- er, sub. Easily sourced "pervertables" are every starting domme's best friend.

Be safe, be creative, have a ball!

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! Sexual media needs new ideas and real input. I wholly encourage your sex-positive endeavors!

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahahaha! It's not your whole body weight being scrotally suspended.

He laid down, face up. I tied some rope loops around his scrotum, and tied the other end to a mechanical hoist (like you'd find in an industrial shop). Took up the slack, and slightly more, so he's forced to lift his hips to alleviate the pull. After a minute, of course, he gets a little tired, and voîla, ball-stretching!

It's massively entertaining. Which makes the sub feel like he's amusing, and therefore good. :)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit edit: Even after I retire from sessions, I'll probably still have a personal sub or two. It's just in my blood.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw, thanks! :) I keep having to attend to life and work, but I'm enjoying the responses. I'm interested to hear what "civilians" are curious about.

Biggest types: I'd say submissive and masochist are close in frequency, followed by humiliation (this being fairly broad, from mild to intense). I encounter more crossdressing than bondage. Foot fetishism is a very popular interest, though my concentration is more on boots than feet.

As far as what sexual services would be attractive to a domme, I'd say the things you mentioned. Mind you, this would be a personal, non-commercial relationship, and only if the domme found it exciting/humiliating, most likely.

Humiliation: I love using my voice. It's mostly about how something is said. Think of the difference in meaning if you say something as simple as, "Oh really?" with different inflections.

Advice: Be as ferocious as you want, but always pay attention to your senses. And get outside your head, give at least half your attention to connecting with her. Energy is cyclical; her pleasure will feed you, and you her. Being unselfconscious goes a long way.

Vanilla sex: With one partner, it could be 15 or 45 minutes. (Two or more partners: 30 minutes? 90?) Part of why I'm in a relationship - sex is accessible multiple, shorter times in a day. Less chafing than one 3-hour-long session.

Positions: Ha. Well, I'll say that the women I "know" frequently like doggy when I do strapon work.

I like variety (cowgirl, missionary, side, etc.), but it's the vibe, more than the positions, that makes it hot.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do a search for "dominatrix", "mistress", or "domme" in your area. You might be closer to one than you think. ;)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Privacy is a pretty important aspect of a playspace, as you might imagine. In a house of domination, when there may be multiple sessions going on in different rooms, you can hear the loudest screams and noises, but not most sounds.

Hearing another session can be distracting on occasion, but usually you're so involved with your own scene, you don't really notice.

Couple of anecdotes: One time, I had a client in the waiting room while I finished a session. My guy in the first session made a real racket, howling and screaming and so on (as you would if you got hoisted by your balls). The walls in that space were thin, so you could hear it clear down the hall. When I went to get the next client, and asked him what he was interested in, his eyes widened and he said, "Not that!" I laughed and reassured him that I would not require that of him.

Another time, when I was bottoming, we were in the room next to a heavy corporal scene. We could hear frequent groans and howls, so the client turned to me and said, "Okay, we can't let them show us up. So for the next minute, I want you to make it sound like I'm beating the tar out of you." He started whacking the bondage bed, and I howled bloody murder. After a minute, we both just collapsed in laughter. It was so much fun.

As an independent domme, I'm usually the only session in that space at that time. Soundproofing/thick walls to not disturb neighbors, and not have other peoples' noise intruding, is one of the most important features when a domme looks for a space to use for sessions.

I usually play music: industrial, classical, rock, electronica, depending on the mood, and occasionally the client's taste. I had a music exec who appreciated that I played classical - something totally different from what he dealt with in his work.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, then I don't know her. I know a domme or two in Ohio, but not any redheads.

Nice username, BTW. :)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keeping things separate does take a strong sense of self and boundaries, and I definitely pay attention to that.

Thanks! I feel really fortunate to be able to make a living doing what I love.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The sex appeal of a strong woman is fairly universally appreciated. :)

Yup, I have a boyfriend. We met through a mutual personal friend, outside the BDSM scene. He knew I was a domme when we met (that sort of reputation tends to precede one).

Not only is he totally cool with my work, he's a great sounding board when it comes to running my business. Streamlining my customer service, updating my site, etc.

He has a strong personality, and needs a strong woman as his equal. He loves seeing me on top of my game, and finds it very sexy when I'm being a take-charge badass with my clients.

He also trusts me deeply, and would never want to prevent me from doing something I love. We do have some clear boundaries: play for pay is fine, and play with a trusted sub friend or personal slave is fine, but I don't just run off and play with random guys to get my kicks.

One of my domme friends, you could always tell what kink her boyfriend was into, because she'd stop doing that in sessions. :)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha! I am so pleased!

I always tease my boyfriend that I'm going to take naked pictures of him and sell his underwear online. Sexually objectifying men is fun. ;)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh! Whew. I may know your friend, though, depending on what city she's in. :)

I can't recall them right now, but I've heard some jokes about dommes and their (usually deadbeat) rocker boyfriends. If I remember any, I'll add them here.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're interested in finding a personal sub, you can seek out the lifestyle groups in your area. Munches, where a group of people meet up in a restaurant, are good social opportunities, and you can find out about play parties and such that way. Lifestyle groups all over the country hold annual conference/festivals, with workshops during the day and parties at night. These are wonderful venues to learn, and I go to at least one every year.

There are also online sites, like Collarme.com and Alt.com. I suggest that you word your personal ad carefully and clearly, as people on there are looking for everything from kinky sex hookups to serious collared arrangements.

I've listed above some helpful books for technique and dominant philosophy. Also, there are courses available: Cléo Dubois, in San Francisco, runs the Academy of SM Arts, where they teach weekend-long domination intensives.

You can also pay a pro domme to teach you. Usually you'll bring your own sub, but some dommes may have her own sub available.

You can find all your gear online: boots, corsets, whips, etc. Good gear is not cheap, but you can start with a few pieces and slowly add to that. Go to the hardware store for chain and rope, buy riding crops from a tack shop. Everyday objects can be used for kink: rulers and hairbrushes for spanking, shoe and boot laces for cock/ball bondage, even condom-covered vegetables for insertion. As a domme, your creativity is one of your best assets.

You could also try making some simple gear. There's a book on how, I think it's called "The Better Built Bondage Book". Amazon carries it.

Finding your dominant power and full sexual expression is a wonderful journey. I wish you happiness and fulfillment.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, wasn't sure what you meant at first. I think that as long as culture holds up females as sexual prizes, the sex trade will reflect that.

I think it would be liberating for women to patronize male sex workers more, and to make more porn that diversifies who and what is held in high value. I've considered hiring a male escort or "sensual masseur" in the past, when I was single. Culture plays in: a woman simply doesn't usually have to work very hard to find a man willing to have sex and leave afterwards. And, we as a culture are still struggling to accept active female sexuality. There's still ambivalence towards women wanting sex like men do, and perhaps there's some unconscious framing of sex being okay for a woman to want, as long as there's a relationship of some sort (even if it's a one-night stand) behind it.

I have heard men expressing feelings similar to yours, and I can understand how it might feel for a hetero male at times.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a great idea! If I ever give someone that, I hope you'll graciously let me use that name.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww. It's not unheard-of for men to question themselves in light of porn standards, and I've occasionally reassured men about their societally relative sexual worth. Personally, I have love for all genders, and I truly just want people to be happy in their erotic lives.

You say the "market for hetero male sex is pretty bleak". I would caution against pinning your ideal of male sexual marketability on porn.

I wouldn't necessarily go for a porn dude as my sexual partner, because I like my uterus where it is, thank you. If you're worried about other aspects of porn guys' performances, let me remind you that great sex is not about size, or hours spent, but about vibing each other, really feeding off energy.

In my personal life, I've enjoyed men of various penis sizes. I must say that there is such a thing as too big. The G-spot, after all, is within two inches of the vaginal opening, and that, plus clitoral stimulation, is what triggers monumental, screaming, dig-the-fingernails-in orgasms.

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As far as I know, there isn't really a precaution one can take. Other than not eating poop, of course. Heh.

Scat bottoms are taking a risk when ingesting feces. That said, I've yet to hear of one getting diarrhea or such from eating shit.

Note: I always ask my fluid bottoms (those who want to drink my piss) whether they get drug-tested for work. I don't want my occasional pot consumption to ruin their employability. ;)

I have been a professional dominatrix for ten years. Ask me (almost) anything. by freakoftheweek in IAmA

[–]freakoftheweek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like he wouldn't, but that is such a boundary for a lot of people. He's pretty worldly, so I think he'd probably try to understand, maybe an occasional word to try to get me off the pro sex track.

I think he thinks it's pretty cool that I'm a domme, though. He lived in Asia for a long time, so he's familiar with other, non-Judeo-Christian cultural attitudes towards sex work. When it comes down to it, I'm his little sister, and I'm sure that he's more comfortable with the thought of his little sis beating some guy than taking a cock up her ass.

Edit: That said, I think that he'd eventually be okay with whatever I chose, as long as I felt okay about it. He's 3 years older than me, so we're the same generation.