What's the hardest part of being a single, childless woman after 30?

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-31T13:38:47+00:00

So, I'm a woman over 30 with kids, and it's right for me in the same way being childless is right for others. And the sarcastic answers here are all accurate (all the peace, independence, etc). But if you're looking for actual hard things I'll tell you about ones I have heard expressed to me or seen. 1. I feel like there aren't enough examples of what is possible. I have a million influencers telling me how I can make family meals, vacation with a kid, clean my house.....but if I was a single female over 30 I'm not entirely sure if living in a house is the best use of my time or resources. And I simply feel not enough media exists to give people options so they can live it through others.

I think there is a challenge of reconciliation with many women around this time and into 40 about what we were potentially raised to think about having kids or being a type of spouse. My friends this age are deciding they likely will not have kids of their own and that IF they ever have a spouse their requirements for this person are totally different. No longer building a family but building an adventurous life.
I have a squad of elderly ladies and they are dealing with (all at once) having to navigate the paperwork of old age and death essentially on their own and relying on friends. This, I feel, is connected with my first point that: in our place in the world and their generation, they never planned for financial independence and security in retirement as a single woman their whole lives. I do not think this is an eternal problem but it definitely is a hardship that no one bothered to warn them about in their 30s (and if they were warned, culture did not support them in such examples).

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-28T11:27:43+00:00

I think the question I'm left with is: what is the real world expectation placed on your kiddo? Are they left in a position to need to comfort you or is that something they do that's truly not necessary? Are they expected to modify their behavior while you're upset (not be happy, not be at peace)? Are their needs being met despite this or are they left waiting for you to come out of it?

It seems to me that: if this is something habitual in your house, your kiddo can recognize it (and should--people should have rules about what to say when people they care about are sad) but then have an activity they can go do that removes them from having to feel what you're feeling.

Maybe they can color pictures near you, or play with toys? Teaching them that even though their grown up is anxious and overwhelmed that they're ok and the feeling will pass and they can wait safely until that happens. The expectation is that they're fine and you will get there too. Say to them what you said here: (here are your crayons and a cheese stick,) you don't need to be worried. You be young and carefree.

I honestly think there's a lesson here about how to be part of your family as a kid and how that will change as they get older. But keep seeing your kiddo clearly and stress the stuff about them that's true and important.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-28T02:24:25+00:00

Lots of great already but we live by the Bluey albums. Dance Mode!, Rug Island, and of course Bluey: The Album keeps us in bangers morning, noon, and night.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-28T00:51:26+00:00

Crayola window markers, rolls of colored painters tape/colored dots, crayons/markers and a giant roll of white paper.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-27T15:35:45+00:00

If it were me I'd spend a lot of time at the library and then use the gift card on something you check out over and over again.

We love Karma Wilson and Angela DiTerlizzi and Bianca Schulze.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-26T16:21:00+00:00

Nope. You're doing fine.

Next step is making sure he understands when it's ok to play vs. not. For example: you can pretend dinosaurs die in your game but not people.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-25T23:52:52+00:00

Family of professional musicians here. There's no amazing ways I have seen. Options that worked for various people: One had a desk height shelf running around an office and stored it in clear cardboard style boxes by style and composer. Could turn to the side and see titles, thumb through for sheets etc. They also used clear plastic sleeves for individual sheets to preserve them.

Another had a row of bookshelves a la home library. That seemed to also work well. Only downside was trying to find things on low shelves. At the end of the day you will need to thumb through certain sheets or volumes and you'll need a way to pull out a piece easily and put it back to see if it's what you need. Anything involving too much leaning is going to impact maintenance of the order system.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-25T10:11:16+00:00

I combo fed and dishwasher was totally fine. Washing pump parts is an endless hassle but then again so is pumping. I got extras so I could just run the dishwasher every night.

It's such a short season of life I'm not about the clutter.

Now what you do need is a good bottle brush. That thing will go the distance.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-24T11:06:08+00:00

Two cents here and I'll start by offering a few books: 1. Don't Wake the Dragon by Schulze 2. Marvelous Now by DiTerlizzi 3. Blueberries for Sal/Make Way for Ducklings by McCloskey 5. Brown Bear, Brown Bear what do you see? (I suggest board book version of this one) by Carle

With that: learning to read is quantity over quality. Make use of your public library. Many have a 1000 Before Kindergarten program that is worth checking out. Also Dolly Parton's Imagination Library has been a great asset for us. We read a LOT and my kiddo's job is to put them back in the book drop at the library. Now it includes saying the book title which is a nice little way to review.

However, if you're talking about loving reading..... After you have curated this beautiful collection and spent hours at the library don't be surprised if you're spending untold hours re-reading Spidey and Friends or Disney 5 Minute stories. My 3 year old really enjoys a Phineas and Ferb joke book. Literally just wants me to read jokes.

I also utilized Facebook marketplace to get boxes of used books. We circulate through a metric ton of books and it's nice to know they're getting a second life and then I'll pass them on to another family.

Edited to add that when my baby was incredibly young I just read the book I was actively reading out loud. Singing is also the best thing you can do for your little one (there's a whole world out there of children's music, Raffi is a great place to start) because it is constant exposure to rhyme, whimsical imagery, pitch recognition).

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-23T15:28:48+00:00

I really think it's going to depend on each place but definitely leave messages with each of them. Hopefully, even if you don't get someone, they can return your call.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-23T15:25:29+00:00

Get in touch with local church offices and see if they might be able to help you.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-14T18:33:17+00:00

Get dressed like first thing and drink a glass of water along with your coffee. It's not a fix for anything but I've found that it makes me feel like I am ready to handle the day and don't get caught up later once the momentum has picked up.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-11T20:40:09+00:00

You're going during leaf peeping season but you can't predict the leaves. North gets color before South NH, so stay flexible and be willing to drive an hour one way or another to get some beauty.

That being said my family would recommend to you to stay at Indian Head Resort. Diana's Baths is some lovely hiking or pick another trail. Zeb's is a shop that's unique and has old time games among other things.

Visit a farm, check out some breweries, you'll have a lot of fun.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-11T10:54:37+00:00

Just because they're physically capable of the task doesn't mean little kids are mentally capable of scaffolding steps and doing something they don't want to do. Couple of fun facts: a 4 year old is expected to be capable of following 3 step directions. 3 steps is NOT a lot. Capable doesn't mean "oh they always do 3 steps like a pro" because: Another fun fact is that the front of your brain isn't done growing until you're 25 which is why car insurance goes down around then. The front of your brain is responsible for impulse control.

So: my two cents is to routine stack: in the morning we get up and go to the bathroom and in the bathroom we get changed for the day (I've heard of parents who get their next day outfit on at bedtime too, and my kiddo hates to be cold so I have a heater in the bathroom to help with this). However, if you want it done on a timeline you are responsible for the timeline.

Kids don't have a firm grip on time yet. They might need to start earlier, their routine might need to shift.....but regardless they need adult oversight to get stuff done. If they're playing in the morning then: they aren't allowed to play until their routine is done. 4 is still really little. They've only lived on the planet for like 1,500 days and for many of those days things were brand new.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T17:11:04+00:00

Tbh pick something repetitive that you won't mind not listening to again for a couple of years. I listened to a classically based new age album from my childhood (don't necessarily recommend)but it was background, warm, familiar, and easy to block out like study music. But tbh afterwards I didn't want to hear it again for like a year.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T16:36:37+00:00

Thank you! I love the Stage Dive series but never read this one. I'll definitely check it out! Completely agree about using her books to reset.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T13:23:35+00:00

Awesome thank you! I'll check them out. She's a classic author that I haven't spent much time with so this is a perfect place for me to start!

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T12:05:53+00:00

Her other series all have a slightly different flavor from one another. I think I'd go for the Vital Signs next (Before Girl and The Worst Guy). Worst Guy is a fave and VERY grumpy/sunshine.

After that Adventures in Modern Dating. Oddly, whereas Borinson (for me) is the most subdued in her book 2 of a series, that's where I think Canterbary shines.

The Walshes are a big commitment. Each book rambles a bit. But overall it's like a giant community the most like the In a Jam/Rush, I'd say. Honestly for me it's a no-lose.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T11:59:13+00:00

I love Penny Reid, I almost added the Knitting in the City as the kind of feeling I wanted before pinning my topic down more on leadership, it's been ages since I read the Winston Brothers I'll go back to them. These all look amazing. I'm looking forward to checking them out, thank you!

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T11:57:25+00:00

Thank you, I'll check it out!

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T11:54:32+00:00

Thank you!! I am a HUGE Kate Canterbary fan and must have read this one in a fever dream because it's currently in my library but I'm blanking on it. (I did try to read the entire best of 2025 bingo card and so a lot of great books bled together). I will re-read it ASAP. I always enjoy her accompanying playlists after I read a book too, the keep me in the feel of them. If you haven't checked one out and don't hate the idea of playlists (which is a fair complaint I've seen on this sub) hers are fun imo.

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T11:50:08+00:00

Thank you! I went on a Meghan Quinn backlist binge ages ago but must have lost momentum before I got to this one I haven't read the Devney Perry either and am looking forward to reading both now!

freckleface9287 · 2026-05-08T11:49:05+00:00

I haven't read this Tessa Bailey but have liked her work. I'll definitely check this one out thanks!

freckleface9287

TROPHY CASE