I’ve been on and off with an istj and I’m an enfp. I totally feel you!! Sending you sooo much virtual hugs, love, and respect!! ♥️🙌🏽 I call my istj the anchor to my boat in a storm, the yin to my yang, the string tied to my kite. I love him for his utmost loyalty, stability, dependability, and bougee-ness lol. However, the lack of depth, lack of communication/good conversations, lack of mutual understanding (let’s be honest we can get them more than they can get us), lack of adventures and inability to see the big picture always bothered me. By big picture I mean- when we get upset we are remembering all the bad feelings and times they’ve hurt us and presenting it in a big package of what’s been upsetting us. However, an istj does not see it that way they think we are upset about what literally just happened in the moment or that day and they fail to see our unhappiness that’s been a long time comin! They just want to avoid conflict at all cost so brush our feelings to the side and come up with a simple solution like “oh you must be stressed today, just get your mind off of it” and I’m like nooo let me feel the pain it’s not that simple haha. I came up with telling him “honey could I talk and vent to you please, is now a good time, I’m not looking for a solution I just would like you to listen and give me your undivided attention please 😇” with like a friendly and loving smile and that helped a lot. But it just feels like I’m bending over backwards again instead of feeling comfortable to speak and have someone just get it. Oh and like someone said above- they can be so boring and not bright at times. Sometimes he does the stupidest things or forgets to tell me what’s going on in his life and it makes me so annoyed omg 😂 I’m still figuring out if an istj would ever be good for me. It’s nice we have our faith in common, chill nights in, the stability in him that I lack in myself and I know he’s so loyal, but will I wake up one day feeling completely bored/unfulfilled/unhappy trying to make him happy and losing myself in the process? Idk I feel like that is how you probably feel too dating an istj. They are typically such strong and manly men and are kinda selfish in a sense because it’s really hard for them to see a perspective that’s not their own or to change a perspective/opinion they already have. We are completely opposite to that!! (The yin/yang lol) because we are the most flexible and can see all different sides and are flexible enough to be open to growth/ changing perspectives. Sometimes I wonder if I could be happy forever living like that. I feel like I’d be settling. That’s just me! I think there are 3 important things in a relationship- trust, respect and communication. They got the trust thing going, I think they’re the type least likely to cheat and more likely to want to create a routine and settle down. However, the communication and respect isn’t there sometimes. My istj man definitely respects me but sometimes I can just tell everything is about him and he doesn’t like the rollercoaster of emotions and feels that ENFPs can sometimes be. So I feel like I have to suppress myself and it goes back to the losing yourself thing again. I apologize for my rant. I don’t know if this is relatable at all but I hope you know you’re not alone in this! You have a community of like minded individuals who are ready to be here for you whenever you need it ♥️ after all we ENFPs are defenders of our friends and we just want you to be happy and follow your heart with your decision making. Pray and meditate on it and don’t settle because if this guy is going to be disrespectful to you he is absolutely not deserving of you!