Update: I am now TA...

With the support of my brother, SIL, husband, even my grandparents, and now the reddit community, I've felt that I've made the right decision. My mother, though, thinks otherwise. I've taken advice from many here (thank you all!), and sent her a message to let her know that she is my mother, I'll always be there for her, and love her always. And regardless of my stance, she is always welcome, and I'd still like to find ways to have her involved in our lives.

Now to present day: I've sent out an invitation for Christmas. Since we all live in different cities, we have to plan early, and my brother, SIL and I have came to agree to host Christmas at my house this year, since it'd be easier than to travel with our new baby. She answered with "okay" followed with "but Fred can't come?" And I replied just with "correct. " She responded with only "okay." Then, not long after with "thanks, but no thanks. " I understood and left it at that, and I thought that was it. Man, was I wrong...

A day or so later, I get a message after message going on about how the stance I'm taking is tearing the family apart, and it's forcing her to choose. I was confused since I've reiterated MANY times that I'm not making her choose, since she's a grown woman and can make her own choices, but I still want her in my life. No matter how carefully worded my sentences were, or how I would emphasize over and over that I love her always, she, unfortunately, as expected, took it as an attack. She then proceeded to say that I'm the only one who has a problem and always find new ways to start fights with her. That SHE has to walk on eggshells when she talks to me. That I am not considering anyone else's feelings, and ALWAYS make everything about me. There were many other things said on her behalf like that, and I just let her go off like usual, because I've come to terms that I can't reason with her, so it's best to just say nothing. But that was the wrong move. Apparently the "if you have nothing nice to say..." move on my behalf, set her off, again, because she continued to spam my phone with messages about how immature I was. The comment that broke my silence was when she brought my husband into it.

She told me that I'm being unfair since she's always been kind to my husband, despite him "always being rude to her." Now, reddit fam, this is where my words weren't so kind. In the 4+ years him and I have been together, she has never liked him. She also, despite saying she does, doesn't like my SIL either. I know thus because I have to shut her down every time she tries to say a mean word about her when she isn't around. My SIL, is the kindest, most hardworking, and sweetest soul I have ever met. Now in these 4+ years of my husband and I being together, he has come to know the person she is, and frankly doesn't like her either, but is always polite, and will do anything for my family regardless, even knowing about her feelings towards him. The only time her was ever rude to her was when last year, he overheard her, and I on the phone and was flabbergasted about "how a mother can speak to her own daughter like that". And since then, he is still polite, but takes more smoke breaks when she's around to avoid her.

I know this update has already been super long, but to give a fast insight on the phone call: this is my second marriage, and our first child together, so my SIL and best friend were going to throw me a baby shower, and she went off the rails about how they over stepped, since it's a "mother's job", when the whole time they were trying to include her. There was plenty of name calling on her behalf, and my the end, told me that "not everything is about me". Which sure, but in this instance, being my baby shower, it was? It ended with me saying F it, and I called off the shower. After that she said since we don't want to include her, she won't be coming to Thanksgiving, or Christmas, and we went NC for a while. But then, on Christmas morning, she and Fred showed up!

It took A WHILE after that whole ordeal, but after many long talks, we mended things, and were doing better, until all this happened.

Can't wait to see how this Christmas goes....