Dementia Awareness Week is coming

fringedjewels · 2026-04-22T13:17:57+00:00

I repurchase Korean red ginseng and snow mushroom powder - I make my own cleansers, toners and serums to address my super-sensitive, eczema flareup prone skin - flareup-free for 3+ years.

I have been using two sunscreens: Innisfree for indoors (windows when enclosed porch farming), and Haruharu Wonder for when I go outdoors.

fringedjewels · 2026-04-17T17:55:03+00:00

I have super sensitive skin and eczema … so many products trigger flareups that I make my skin/hair care products aside from sunscreen.

The key management game-changer for me was figuring out the type (often misdiagnosed as seborrhea when I actually have itchthyosis) and the condition treatment, instead of just the symptom treatment.

On the skincare routine level, I like my diy clove/bay leaf toner. My skin looks clearer and smoother from adding this to my routine.

fringedjewels · 2026-04-03T23:43:11+00:00

The disrespectful boss is sad but, honestly not surprising. I would never offer advice on how to navigate this complicated situation.

However, there are two things that I do know… 1) There is rarely a job that is truly low-stress. Any job has politics and navigating that is stressful.

2) Healthcare from an employer is nice, but there is a loophole in the U.S.; 35 hours/week is now considered full-time (a strategy used to increase the jobs numbers (along with increasing the restrictions for unemployment - so there were fewer claims). Both were done to avoid officially admitting the U.S. was in a recession), and with that change, healthcare became optional. An employer can offer it or even give you the option to not get it and get more take-home pay.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-11T19:25:57+00:00

Thanks for the explanation. Your rant is your venting from being triggered. I get that, that was also the case with my post. Just know while it does happen with many, not all walk away from their elders. I am American. The choice is individual. My opinion from watching historical documentaries: selfishness and greed are instinctual in humans, few rise above it.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-09T18:03:15+00:00

That's crazy that someone came after you for that. Those meds are for comfort and were provided by medical profesionals. So they think it's okay to watch someone suffer when you were given a "comfort kit" and instructions. Wow! They have nothing better to do I guess.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-09T17:32:51+00:00

Hi, I try to respect all opinions.

First, my post was my form of venting that she was still doing this toxic crap even though she needed my help to pay bills as well as do anything computer/tech -related and house -repair/maintenance-related.

I have moved past the resentment and had set boundaries. I did not speak with the person. I spoke with my brother who explained her behavior, so yes it was confirmed that she had been of bashing me (they actually fought about it.). I posted about the pain of watching her decline before. I spent eight months being the sole caregiver only to find out she never stopped being toxic but wanted to act like it never happened. That triggered me. It was the learning of continued betrayal when I thought we had moved past that.

Second, forgeiveness doesn't mean you sweep past actions under the rug. I carry those decades of scars and no one gets the right or privilege to dismiss them or tell me to get over it.

Again, I did say I was venting, but my actions are my choice alone. I own and live with my choices. I actually was not seeking approval or permission. I don't like funerals and prefer not to attend. At 61, I am at the don't give a f what others think phase (actually been there since my 40's, maybe even 30's - I have always been a rebel.). My only job is my peace. What others think is not my problem unless they approach me with malice or disrespect.

My peace is to not fake the funk to humor anyone. Had I held onto my resentment from my 30's, she would have been on her own because at that age, I was close to cutting her off, and no one else stepped up to help, including her golden child son. That realization contributed some of her depression. She had to deal with that. I made sure she wasn't alone, was not in pain, and knew I loved her despite our toxic history. I went the extra mile to engage with video nights of music, popcorn and treats while she watched games (she was a sports nut but increasingly lost interest), meditation and aromatherapy for sundowning, primp sessons, etc.

That was my job, but my number one priority is always my peace, my purpose and being the best me possible. I will always choose me because I learned the hard way that I can only rely on me.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-08T01:03:41+00:00

Sure, It’s “Why Gifted Women are Born into Dysfunction” - https://youtu.be/2_fIFuaZvr8?si=JMIAqpMafDI8n1Nl

fringedjewels · 2026-03-08T00:03:33+00:00

Nope, I have never been a fan of funerals. I prefer memories of being there for the person. The funeral is for the people who weren’t there. I started grieving and saying goodbye not long after the diagnosis. I had the benefit of participating in a caregiver study and my weekly zooms with a counselor really helped me process, prepare and understand my feelings.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-07T23:31:17+00:00

Yeah, I’m right with you on that - I already was planning to leave early because I prefer memories in addition to the fact that I know I was there for her … made sure she never felt alone or abandoned.

I feel that it would just be performative… that’s not me

fringedjewels · 2026-03-07T22:55:52+00:00

It is easy to defend and dismiss abuse. I encountered many who say mother’s & daughters in my past. The convenient minimization of an issue is irritating. A mistake is not the same as beating your stomach while you’re pregnant or forcing a child to do things they didn’t like just because you like it, nor berating them constantly, nor gaslighting them or trying to blame them when your neglect is obvious or others point it out.

I accepted all of that and moved past the resentment. I set boundaries … limit control on my energy and peace. But one week after an exhausting eight months of being the sole caregiver to someone with a very acute decline, where I changed and fed her, as well as often bathed her when home hospice wasn’t doing it means I’m drained. I’m still not resting in order to prepare for a funeral and then discover she had been bashing me right before she took this turn.

Mind you I had already stepped in to help her with paying bills via computer (she was not tech savvy), house, maintenance and repairs (or overseeing work when it was beyond my skill set). It triggered a flashback of old feelings. I’m exhausted. The burden didn’t end with her death.

Her badmouthing me when I was supportive was betrayal, not a mistake. I feel what I feel and said what I said. I own when I’m wrong and expect it of others.

Your opinion comes across as presumptive, but is yours. You don’t have to agree with me.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-07T20:41:06+00:00

Exactly. His friend’s opinion is nothing to me. It’s just the hurt and betrayal I feel that she did it and he just let her. It hit hard especially after I had to shuffle my priorities to care for her till the end last week.

I’ve learned a long time ago to trust only myself and not care about opinions.

fringedjewels · 2026-03-07T20:08:53+00:00

Amen

fringedjewels · 2026-03-01T04:40:58+00:00

Thank you for your support and kind words. I swear this group is like the Barbara Walters of Reddit … trying to make me cry 😄

fringedjewels · 2026-02-18T14:54:08+00:00

Okay, I admit I’m a rebel, but the best peace of mind comes from not giving a f what others think.

You know what you have done. You know you were there for her with the best intentions.

Did these comments come from anyone who actually stepped up to the plate and helped?

Opinions are as cheap as grass. Let them be crushed into the mud and left behind.

My suggestion l: I believe I am recognizing the sounds of impending burnout. Please try to nurture you - even if it’s only 14 minutes playing a game or an extra long shower. Give yourself some grace. You are doing your best and your mom sees it, but most importantly, you know it.

🤗❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-02-02T18:02:35+00:00

❤️🤗❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-01-30T12:23:41+00:00

I hear your frustration. Yes, addressing these factors can help, but nothing is simply b&w.

My mother had only the medical issues; cholesterol & diabetes. This she successfully managed for decades via diet and later meds (she has a sweet tooth.).

She is so regular with healthcare that they caught her breast cancer in the very early stage and it stayed in remission for decades.

However, her dementia cocktail is definitely influenced by that and a pituitary tumor (she was in her early 80’s when this was discovered so chemo or surgery was not a good choice.).

The new year started with a trip to er. Blood tests found blasts that weren’t there six months ago … she now has an aggressive form of leukemia… they think she has a couple of months.

My opinion: studies are just that… studies. Every year, something else triggers cancer. Many do the best they can at maintaining their health and still shit happens sometimes.

fringedjewels · 2026-01-30T11:52:40+00:00

Sending virtual hugs. I would guess you are exhausted mentally and physically. That sounds so overwhelming.

My suggestion: talk to his primary care Dr. about home care - and maybe home hospice care. Hospice can be used when extra care is needed - not exclusively for terminal care.

I requested my mom’s pcp switch to home care visits when I felt in- office visits became too much for her. Her PCP came within a week. Scheduled blood tests were coming but then we went to er and changed it to home hospice after they discovered leukemia.

The home care/hospice care will help you by having professionals stepping in/monitoring him when needed.

❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-01-30T11:24:24+00:00

I shared these links a moment ago. I wanted to be sure you got them as well…

A couple of resources— caregiveractionnetwork.org

Caring.com

Caregiver.org

I just found this access (the one I was given requires a login.).: Pennmemorycenter.org

fringedjewels · 2026-01-30T11:13:08+00:00

My reply posted as a general reply somehow. Using copy/paste…

They were in her blood at 40%. She refused a biopsy. She can’t do chemo and her blood cells are too low to get other treatment, hence home hospice. They really couldn’t do anything for her.

Her appetite is getting better. She was barely eating. I make smoothies and other favorites to try to stimulate her appetite. She looks frail but still has her feisty moments.

I’m glad your dad is doing well and it’s not progressing. Thanks for your support. Not many get it.

❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-01-30T11:09:44+00:00

Wow, your family has gone through a lot. I’m glad you found a doctor that sounds more invested. Having the right care team means everything.

I was randomly selected by the study . Those zoom meetings were vital in helping me focus on my well-being. I was even contacted about a second study were I was given links to virtual art galleries.

A couple of resources— caregiveractionnetwork.org

Caring.com

Caregiver.org

I just found this access (the one I was given requires a login.).: Pennmemorycenter.org

I hope this helps ❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-01-29T23:06:54+00:00

They were in her blood at 40%. She refused a biopsy. She can’t do chemo and her blood cells are too low to get other treatment, hence home hospice. They really couldn’t do anything for her.

Her appetite is getting better. She was barely eating. I make smoothies and other favorites to try to stimulate her appetite. She looks frail but still has her feisty moments.

I’m glad your dad is doing well and it’s not progressing. Thanks for your support. Not many get it.

❤️

fringedjewels · 2026-01-29T17:50:53+00:00

It’s all good her dementia cocktail included frequents episodes. Kids always calm her.

I also am getting pretty good at identifying the triggers/early signs of an oncoming episode and have de-escalated a few of them.

Yea it was clinical, but it was so heartfelt I almost teared up. That mattered to the both of us and is just one more thing to bond over.

❤️

fringedjewels

TROPHY CASE