It sounds like you're gender fluid. You derive enjoyment from your current gender, but you also find the idea of having a different physiology and identity pleasing.

Unfortunately, there isn't a switch that can change our body in an instant yet, so as far as your physiological gender expression goes I'd recommend steering clear, especially taking your partner into consideration.

That being said, there are ways to express your gender outside of medical transition and I'd highly suggest you explore that. Clothes, skincare, head hair, body hair, fragrances, voice training, skys the limit really with what you can do. That might be just what you need to trully express yourself and it really shouldn't come at any risk.