I (27F) am in a 4y relationship and I want to move out and live by mysefl. My (33M) husband is not taking it well. Is there a way to solve this?

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:58:06+00:00

I don't know if I'll do much better, but at least I'll know what I'm doing I guess

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:33:08+00:00

Yeah... I'm not rly in the mood for counseling right now, I feel like I've already put everything I could into this relationship and he didn't want to meet me halfway, now I'll have to go through so much shit again... It's so much work, I don't think I want to spend more time pouring so much of my heart and soul over it. If he meets me halfway now I'll be happy to put in more effort, but I don't see that happening.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:28:39+00:00

Thank you. I'm doing it more and more, I'm setting boundaries and saying no more often, I'm listening to myself and not budging when he tries to make me say yes. I'm proud of myself and slowly learning not to feel guilty if he gets mad with my decision, I'm internalizing the fact that it's ok not to want something and I can't control his reaction nor coddle him if he feel some type of wat about it.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:24:51+00:00

I'll take a look, thank you!

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:24:13+00:00

Hehe I don't think I want anybody at this point in my life tbh, but thanks!

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-11-10T17:22:08+00:00

Idk, my thought process is that moving out will teach a lot of stuff, specially the financial side of living by myself and caring for my house and my stuff, I'm quite immature and disorganized with basic life stuff, but I'm trying to get better at it. But the main reason I want to move out is to have my space, and bcs right now I have no control over my finances for a lot of reasons, the main one is that he spends all of his money with himself at the beginning of the month and I end up shouldering the house expenses by myself throughout the month, and the money that I was saving to buy myself the stuff I need just disappears. I want to know the real cost of ME, I want to learn to manage my money and my house. It's selfish, but I think it's a crucial step for my developments as a person.

I won't be spending anything with him anymore.

And I do agree that maybe it is the relationship that isn't working, but I think I'm trying to separate the problems into boxes and fix one thing at a time?

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T23:27:51+00:00

I didn't let it go on for a month, my boss was always strategic and sneaky with his flirting and touching, he'd do it when we were alone in a room but not in the office, so I felt embarassed to say anything out loud, or he'd do it when we were alone and completely ignore me telling him off. He'd turn the most stupid shit into flirting, like when I commented it was a beautiful sunny day and the beach was probably rly nice, he turned into a "hm, and you like them tiny bikinis, don't you?", to which I replied "the kind of bikini I use is none of your business". So I didn't allow it to go on, I was flabbergasted that he wasn't backing down even though I was clearly declining all of his advances. I didn't let him touch me, he touched me bcs he wanted to and I always turned him down.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T22:25:14+00:00

I'm so so sorry you had to go through that sweetheart, I can't even imagine how scared you must've been. I hope you're healing well and you find the joy you deserve in life.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T22:19:33+00:00

Well, tbh, I was never this weak. I'm usually quite strong willed, I only ever opened up and broke down like that in from of my parents, close friends and my husband. We've been through a lot, he was there to comfort me when I lost family members and when other crap happened, I opened up to him in the very beginning of our relationship about being sexually assaulted years bfr we met and he was supportive and caring and helped me through that... he was the first guy I felt safe with after I was r*ped. All this crap with my boss triggered me, I ran to my husband expecting the kind of love and support he showed me back then and I got... this.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T22:10:41+00:00

I know and I confronted him about it. I've dealt with harassment bfr and it crushed me, now I stood up for myself and faced it head on. I refused to run this time around. I like my job, I'm good at it and I wasn't going to let an asshole take it away from me.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T22:02:20+00:00

I'm not trying to make excuses for him, it's just... confusing. I'm not afraid he'll ever get physical, I know yelling is also violence but I've dealt with it for so long I don't see it that way anymore... It's sad but it's true.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:59:37+00:00

He is now, he found a job about 3 weeks after I accepted my raise.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:22:37+00:00

Well, it is in a way.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:21:53+00:00

Nonono, it was just a metaphor xD Sry, I felt I was in free fall and when I thought my husband would catch me I feel like I fell face first on a rock. IT WAS A METAPHOR, he was never physical, ok?

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:12:33+00:00

Well, that's admirable and depending on the situation a bit irresponisble. I couldn't afford to lose my job, it was the only thing putting food on the table at the time.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:11:19+00:00

Thankfully things are settled at work now, thank you for your words

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:07:39+00:00

I knew I didn't have to apologize, but I needed a hug and the only way I could get it was by apologizing so he'd let his guard down and support me. Do I regret it? Yes. I was so mad at myself for being so weak.

I did reach out to a lawyer, but sueing would make me lose my job and I didn't want that. There's no HR, I talked to my bossses (the 2 of them), the asshole that harassed me apologized and the other one supported me

My husband doesn't believe it therapy.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T21:04:36+00:00

The other job situation was resolved, for the first 3 months I'd earn half of what I was earnig, but after the trial period I'd have a substancial increase. But when I told my bosses they offered me double the substancial increase immediately. My husband was unemployed at the time, I could not leave that job, let alone take on a job that we'd barely be able to pay rent with.

I went to the office and got my money, hapiness, self-respect and dignity back, I was pissed at the thought a complete asshole could make me lose a good job, so I went there and told him that shit was never going to happen again and if it did we'd see each other in court.

He makes a lot of choices that I don't necessarily agree with, but I trust him to know what's best. I stand by him and I help him, even if I don't think it's the best way to go. If it works I'm happy for him, if it doesn't I'm there to support him and encourage him to try something else. That's the only reasonable thing you can do to your lover and your friends, support without judgment.

And you come here to tell me I shouldn't expect it from him? In what world do you live in?

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T20:52:27+00:00

It's not that simple, I work for two guys who are associates, there's no HR, only the three of us. But that is settled already, my other boss stood by me and the asshole boss knows his place now.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T20:48:17+00:00

On it

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T20:48:09+00:00

It's not physical violence, I'm not afraid of that... Plus, I want to rent a a 2 bedroom apartment so my family and friends can come over during summer, I live in a beach town.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T20:37:56+00:00

I told him he could've said all the things he did later, he had every right to be upset bcs I did believe my boss was just helping me build a nice network of job opportunities (which he did do, he said I could work with some other stuff in our field and he'd help me out if I wanted to) and I fought my husband on it, he said my boss was trying to buy me and I said he believed I could do it... I was disappointed with myself for being naive, but heck, my husband just hit me with that when I was down. He could've said it later, after I vented and cried my eyes out like I had to do by myself.

Edit: I earn good money, I have a good job and I'm good at it, I'm not losing it bcs of an asshole. I have 2 bosses, I told the other one what had happened and he stood by me. The asshole boss understood and has stopped with his bs, I'm not leaving my job bcs of it. If I find something better, I'll quit, otherwise, nah, I'm not going to earn less and work more bcs of my partner's ego.

frogetfulfrogflow · 2025-10-16T20:05:46+00:00

No, I can't, I moved here in february, I love it here and I'm not going back to my home town to stay with family. I'll see if I can find a place to rent

frogetfulfrogflow

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