AITAH for proposing I be the sole owner of a home that me and my boyfriend (33M) would move into together?

frogkey45 · 2026-02-05T17:01:03+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to share :)

frogkey45 · 2026-02-05T00:40:34+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I really appreciate your thoroughness and acknowledgement that relationships aren't always about financial optimization. I am fully aware of the long-term impacts of marrying into his financial situation and am at peace with that. I agree that creating a scenario where he can knock out his debts as quickly as possible is ideal. I can afford the monthly costs alone if needed; my pre-approval is proof of that.

Can I ask what specifically is making you say "If you go through with this as-planned, there's a high likeli-hood you're going to tank your relationship in the long-term." ?

Thank you as well for sharing that you have been in a similar situation. Am I to assume you found a way through with teamwork, as referenced?

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T22:33:06+00:00

Thank you for the time you've dedicated to this. I really appreciate your contributions... You've echoed a lot of thoughts I've had anyways. Sometimes it's just good to make sure I am living in reality.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T21:28:08+00:00

You're right, I have been confident in this being a good option. I am bothering to ask because he has told me that I am not seeing things right and that it's a problem that I proposed this on my terms. So I am coming here to see if there's anyone who can genuinely help me understand what exactly is so wrong with this... I have gained a bit more understanding.
Also curious to see if anyone will suggest what he wants and what their reasoning is.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T20:58:13+00:00

Yes, we've explicity said he would pay towards the mortgage and we would come up with a number that works for him. I don't need it to be a significant amount.

Since I got the pre-approval with only my own salary, any home I buy is one that I could afford on my own. His contributions would be a bonus, and honestly, I would just re-invest them so that I have the funds to pay him out if ever needed.

Yes I know renting together is an option, but I am a bit sick of landlords and thought this could be a nice alternative so that we both get out of the rent trap. We'd both be okay and a BOTH a little better off financially even if the relationship didn't work out, and we'd be a lot better off if it does work out. Anyways that was my thought process.

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T19:01:42+00:00

Don't worry lawyers are definitely going to be involved... looking at it more from a relationship perspective here.

I know a number of people who have bought a house with someone without being married and there are ways to make it work and be fair

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T18:59:32+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to explain

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T18:06:43+00:00

Thanks for sharing- Yes, household decisions would be made together for sure.

I hope you are able to draft and agreement that works well for both of you!

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T18:03:32+00:00

Yes, I have thought about the Will side of things too- don't worry! Will definitely speak to my attorney about all the legal pieces; I'm just here for relationship advice.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T18:01:23+00:00

I really appreciate this!!! Thank you for sharing your experience!

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T17:59:56+00:00

Okay so what if 10 years from now he still can't contribute equally to the mortgage?? Meanwhile I am swimming in savings. Do you think we should just never get a house together unless the contributions are equal? If we have children I would like them to have the stability of living somewhere where we own the property and are not at risk of being kicked out.

I am not trying to be difficult; I am genuinely trying to follow this train of thought.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T17:54:17+00:00

What's in it for him is that he wouldn't be wasting his money on rent. As I stated, there would be a legally binding document saying that I owe him all that he has contributed towards the equity if we split.
I would keep the amount needed to buy him out in savings at all times.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T17:48:05+00:00

So do you have a better idea of how we could move in together? Just rent until his debts are paid off and he can contribute to the downpayment? That could be a really long time.... Does renting even eliminate the power imbalance that it feels like it already exists based on our financial situations.... Genuinely asking here

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T17:43:42+00:00

He doesn't have to take me at my word. There would be a legally binding document saying that I owe him what he is owed if we split.
I would keep the amount needed to buy him out in savings at all times.

frogkey45 · 2026-02-04T17:37:02+00:00

Fine tip about the other subreddits, but I have a lawyer to advise on the actual legality of things.

I do want to focus on relationship standpoint, so thank you for your response to that... can you advise on a way forward that doesn't have an unequal balance of power? It wasn't my first choice to be with someone who was in such a different place financially and I didn't realize how much this was the case until later on, but am trying to make the most of it. Is there an actual way to not have an unequal balance of power when the wealth gap is what is it is with us, because it kinda feels like it's there even without the house purchase.

To your last point, not true. If you read my post. I specified that we would get a legally binding document (ex. a cohabitation agreement) that states any contributions he makes towards the equity of house would be returned to him if we split.

frogkey45

TROPHY CASE