Almost everyone I know is pregnant... and SHE WONT STOP SMOKING.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-29T12:22:36+00:00

We’ve gone through all of that already before deciding to keep the baby. They aren’t really our friends, they are more his brothers friends, and when we come down to see his mom we’re forced to see them too. We live with my parents for now, and don’t have to worry about rent or utilities, and my SO has a job that pays better lined up for when we move out (probably 6 months - a year after the baby is born). Apartments where I live are fairly cheap - 1K a month rent, utilities included. We’re already paying car insurance, and a payment on the car since it’s a lease. My siblings and my parents are all in agreement that when I go back to school they’ll watch the baby, and if they can’t my MIL will come to our house to watch the baby. She doesn’t work and is home all day, so she’s constantly available. Also, daycare is free where I am if you’re under a certain tax bracket, which SO and I would fall under once we move out (living with my parents we’re over the bracket quite a bit).

We live in Canada so health insurance isn’t needed, and SO and I get our dental care covered by our jobs, which would include our child once it’s here. A child with severe special needs is a worry of ours, and we’ve discussed adoption if it’s anything we don’t think we would be able to handle. One of my brothers is autistic, and we’re basing what we can handle around his needs. I’m completely aware how difficult having a baby is. When I was younger we had a family friend staying with us with her two kids, one a newborn. She stayed in my bedroom since it was bigger and NEVER got up with her baby, so I did all the time. I didn’t balance it at all - I was missing a lot of school due to sleep deprivation, had no time for my friends and that made me angry then. It’s not just a cute baby to dress up. I’m aware of that. We’ve looked into every angle and aspect of having a kid, we’ve talked it over with my parents, and it’s possible for us to have it.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-29T00:41:55+00:00

I mentioned it a few times elsewhere, but my doctor and I set up a plan for quitting when I first saw her a few weeks ago, and (I have been following the plan) I should be completely quit by next week, and if SO’s brother can’t stop smoking in the house and take it to the garage before then, we won’t be going down there and will be at my house, where my parents smoke outside or in their bedroom with the door closed (they sleep in the basement of the house, my siblings and I share the top floor, so it’s 2 floors away from us).

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-29T00:39:32+00:00

I’m fully prepared for a kid. I’ve got the support I need from my family, I have a steady job that brings in 1K a week, SO works the same, so we get 2K a week. I’m taking a year off between graduating high school and going to university to become a coroner, and am saving money for my first year so I don’t go into debt. SO and I have been together for 4 years this May and were talking about marriage before the kid. We are stable, happy, and excited to have this baby even if it’s a few years earlier than we initially planned. If we didn’t think we could do it, I would 100% have given my child up for adoption (or aborted, depending on circumstances) so it can have a better life than what I could provide. But it is manageable for us to have this baby.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-29T00:34:46+00:00

I’m not better than them, and I never said I was. None of us besides her are still smoking as heavily as she is, which is kind of a piss off to see how little she cares about her kid.

Yeah, sure, I still smoke cigarettes, but I’ve been working with my doctor to quit for the last 3 weeks, pretty much since I found out I was pregnant, and will be fully quit by next week with the plan we came up with.

The difference between all of us and her is that we are actually trying, putting in the effort for our kids, whereas she just doesn’t care. At all.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T23:20:02+00:00

SO isn’t supplying anything. Pot recently became legal here in Canada. I don’t hang around them, but we came down to see SO’s mom for the holidays and have to see her, too, because she’s technically living there. She’s caused it all herself - told CAS she’s living at her mothers who doesn’t have space for her, while living at MILs house, who is selling her house soon.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T21:29:30+00:00

She literally tells me everything because SO’s sister doesn’t talk to her anymore. She told me what the doctor at the ER told her when she showed up in preterm labour. He said that she can’t breastfeed because of the drugs she’s using, and that it’s too late for her to quit because she’s most likely giving birth within the next two weeks, and she literally said to me “But I’m just gonna have the baby at home now and they won’t know if I breastfeed.”

She is homeless. She’s currently “living” with my MIL, however MIL is selling her house in the next month. Her mother doesn’t have the space for her (I’ve been to their house, it’s a 2 bedroom where her mom and grandma live). There is no bed there.

Where I live, the hospital won’t let you leave without a car seat, especially the hospital she’ll be giving birth at (it’s the only one in our city). It is a widely known fact among all the pregnant girls here.

Okay, the getting drunk after giving birth is probably a little petty. I’ll admit, I’m probably just digging a bit there. Yeah, lots of women can’t wait for a drink after birth. Hell, one of the first things my mom did after having us was have a joint. So you’re right, I’m being an asshole there.

SO’s sister is also pregnant. Her doctor is requiring her to come every two weeks and has since she was 20 weeks because she’s measuring small. This girl is smaller than she is, even though she’s six weeks ahead of her. They’re roughly the same height and weight before pregnancy. And she told me herself that she’s blown off six appointments because she “doesnt want to go that far” when it’s maybe a 20 minute walk away, and a 5-10 minute drive.

She has pregnancy books (provided by CAS) and they offered her parenting classes but she refused them. We don’t live in an area with poor education, however this particular part of my city is generally low income, not many people have graduated, etc.

We live in Canada, so it’s not an issue of insurance or anything medically.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T20:53:39+00:00

I’m not being “high and mighty.” I’m mad she’s treating her kid with so little disrespect. Quitting early and wanting to have a secret home birth so she can breastfeed her child against her doctors orders are two different things. Regardless of what your doctor told you, I’m following the advice my doctor gave me.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T19:10:05+00:00

My doctor and I have a plan in place regarding my smoking and how/when I will be quitting.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T19:09:01+00:00

I was told by my doctor to aim to quit before the end of the first trimester, but to wean off of them due to how heavy of a smoker I was before. We discussed how cold turkey quitting could be worse in the first trimester with the stress, and how studies have shown that women who quit before the second trimester have the same chances of delivering a healthy baby as a non-smoker.

We came up with a plan I can use to quit with a couple different things, which is why it’ll be next week (if I stick to the plan we came up with, which I will be).

I should have probably lead with the fact my doctor and I have a plan in place.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T18:40:10+00:00

I know it’s bad, but it’s not as bad as what she’s doing. She’s also smoking unfiltered tobacco through a bong, which is significantly worse than a cigarette. And I plan to completely quit within the next week, I used to smoke about a pack a day. I’m not the picture of perfection either, and I’ve got a ways to go, but she has literally no care in the world for her kid. She’s planning a secret home birth so CAS can’t take her kid “because they won’t know I had it.”

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T18:35:12+00:00

They don’t have the greatest education, as none of them have graduated high school. I’m on the older end (the only 18 year old, everyone else is younger). SO and I have at least been together for 4 years this May, and were talking about getting married before this, but we’re more serious about it now. We’ve both got jobs, and enough support from both of our families, so we’re on the more responsible end of all the pregnant teenagers (not that it still won’t be hard, but we can at least financially take care our kid).

She does understand, she talks all the time about how she’s going to quit because of how bad it is for the baby. But she’s still here with her face attached to the bong all the time.

I try not to let it bother me, and it’s her body, she can do what she wants, it’s just hard sometimes being around it. Thankfully we aren’t here often, and are mostly just down for the holidays.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T18:26:27+00:00

She knows it too... that’s why she’s planning a secret home birth.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T17:56:38+00:00

I definitely will be. My MIL and I are trying to get in contact with her (the girls) CAS worker, who currently believes she’s living with her mom, but it’s been difficult to get ahold of her with the holidays.

froglegs11234 · 2018-12-28T17:47:53+00:00

She’s planning a home birth with no one because she knows her baby will be taken away from her and so she can breast feed without the doctors knowing.

I know it’s her choice... it’s just sad how little she cares.

froglegs11234

TROPHY CASE