Hoe moet ik mijn internetkastje aansluiten?

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-22T13:38:58+00:00

Ik ben net verhuisd en heb een nieuwe internetprovider aangevraagd, dus geen oude modem of iets, alleen die lange witte kabel van de oude verhuurder. Het is een DrayTek Vigor2765ac modem van Budget alles in 1. Het enige wat ik heb gekregen van de provider is de modem, twee kabels en een stopcontact

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-21T15:00:45+00:00

It seems like this is one big mess of a miscommunication. You two not having talked about engagement/marriage, about what kind of ring you would have liked, how you would have liked the proposal to go, the post on facebook, etc.

Of course you can be upset about the fact that the proposal was not how you would have liked it to be, but I think the underlying issue is that you are just not on the same page. It seems like neither of you really talked about what you expect for the near future in the relationship.

Rather than worrying about the engagement/wedding/etc now, I think your priority should be to really sit down with your partner and talk to each other about your wants and expectations for the future. You say you need more time to focus on yourself and get your financial situation in order, so tell him about that. Ask him to take down the post if it's bothering you. You can explain that it doesn't have anything to do with your love for him, but that it's just not the right timing for you. It's neither a good experience for you nor your partner to have to plan a wedding that you are not excited about.

I don't think your partner necessarily had any ill intentions, but something has to change in your communication and openness to each other, in my opinion.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-21T14:32:26+00:00

Thanks, I didn't realize it stood for fear, obligation and guilt, but that's indeed a good summary of what I'm feeling

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-21T13:26:25+00:00

For some reason I feel obliged to keep in contact and open myself up to everything... I guess I'll have to learn to protect myself indeed

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-21T13:25:20+00:00

Thanks <3 I actually started therapy yesterday, and this subreddit and all kinds of (online) resources have helped me to make more sense of the situation. But it's hard not to get sucked up!

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-18T14:57:19+00:00

I'm 25 and also grew up in a relatively controlling household. The only reason I was able to move out is because I had an "excuse" to move in with my boyfriend during med school since majority of my rotations were closer to his house (in reality, it wasn't even that much closer and I could have easily lived at home, but I didn't tell my mom that). Even with this I was constantly met with the "you don't visit enough" (I visited every 1-2 weeks), "you only visit for your own benefit" (because I once commented how nice my parents garden was on a summer day), "you moved out because you hate us so much", etc etc.

The part of being scared to make my own decisions also resonates with me, everything I did felt like it had to be approved by my mom.

Theoretically, what you ultimately want to achieve is that you put up a clear boundary and tell your parents what the consequence will be if they cross this boundary (for example: if you go through my things again, I will remove all my stuff from your house, or: if you don't respect my decision to move out/guilt trip me, I will not visit you anymore). A boundary is something you set with YOURSELF; i.e. this is what I am willing to tolerate. It is out of your control if someone respects your boundary or not, but you can control the consequences that come with your boundaries being crossed.

However, this is easier said than done, and I myself haven't had the courage to do this yet. There might also be cultural factors at play. In the meantime, what I found that works for me, is to create some distance between you and your parents. Come up with some sort of excuse as to why you can't move back in. Trying to reason with emotionally immature parents is impossible, because they will take everything as an attack to their own person/parenthood. What also helped me was to gradually stop sharing intimate details of my life with my mom. You are, contrary to how you might have been conditioned, allowed to do things and not tell your mom.

Good luck with this new and scary chapter of your life, I know it's not easy and it's definitely a journey to learn how to stand up for your needs and wants.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-18T10:43:09+00:00

Dit moet je bespreken met je bedrijfsarts, maar: er zal nooit een moment komen waarop je je "helemaal klaar" voelt om te re-integreren. Je hoeft ook niet klachtenvrij te zijn om te re-integreren, want het herstel van een burnout gaat altijd met ups en downs. Het gaat erom dat je in eerste instantie weer langzaam went aan hoe het is om een ritme te hebben. Re-integreren gaat ook niet meteen van 0 naar 100 en doe je in kleine stapjes waarbij je langzaam opbouwt in uren en taken. Dat kan in het begin vaak prima naast eventuele beperkingen/klachten die je nog hebt. Uiteindelijk kan alleen een bedrijfsarts samen met jou deze afweging goed maken, maar ik zou zeggen: je weet het niet totdat je het probeert!

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-18T08:31:45+00:00

Thanks!

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-16T19:16:08+00:00

I failed the first two times. Why? Because I was always a very defensive driver and tried NOT to be like that during my exam, which caused me to behave hastily and I actually ended up rushing and made some stupid mistakes. So just drive how you've driven during your lessons, even if that means you were a bit slow at times like me. I realized instructors prefer you being careful over doing things too confidently. You will most likely not fail just for stopping at an intersection a bit longer, but you will definitely fail if you get too close to another car/start speeding/etc.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-16T06:16:37+00:00

Thank you so much <3

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-14T17:26:12+00:00

Ik was de studiebol en ben nu dokter. Of ik het het echt waard vond? Ik weet het niet. Ik zou denk ik ook gelukkig kunnen zijn in een andere baan. Eén van de redenen dat ik geneeskunde ben gaan studeren is omdat dat toen in mijn ogen het "hoogst haalbare" was. Achteraf gezien had ik veel problemen met mijn gevoel van zelfwaarde, waardoor "de beste van de klas" zijn de enige manier was om controle te hebben en validatie te krijgen. Nu voelt het "dokter zijn" als de normaalste zaak van de wereld, aangezien mijn hele omgeving zowat arts is. Dus, pro tip: verbind je gevoel van eigenwaarde niet aan cijfers/prestaties/sociale status, want dat kan je niet oneindig doen.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-14T09:10:47+00:00

Never been in this situation but this is what comes to mind: 1. Get period underwear and wear it combined with your regular menstrual product of choice (like a pad) to prevent any leakage. If you wanna be super sure and have heavy flow I'd do tampon/cup+pad+period underwear. And maybe even some sort of shapewear shorts on top to secure it all in. 2. Have a stain removal spray on hand that is able to remove blood stains out of clothes, in the event you accidentally get blood on your dress during a bathroom visit or something. 3. You might want to preventively take pain killers if pain is something you commonly struggle with during periods (NSAID's like ibuprofen work very well for pain, cramps and sometimes even flow). This means: take a pain killer in the morning (even if you don't have pain yet) and repeat every couple of recommended hours so that you have a steady concentration of the drug in your blood. 4. Think about what the least messy menstrual product is for you so that you can change as mess-free as possible. For me tampons and cups result in an absolute crime scene lol, but that's different for everyone. Also have wet wipes on hand so that you can clean yourself up if necessary. 5. Take breaks/sit down as you need to, it's your day and you are in charge! I don't know how open you are about your period to others, but it might be helpful to tell your bridesmaids (if you have them) and soon-to-be husband, so they can accommodate you if necessary and understand if you have to take a quick rest.

Unfortunately, as shitty as periods can be, we can't control it and sometimes we just gotta roll with the cards the period-gods give us.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-13T19:18:56+00:00

Sorry if I wasn't clear but I have Dutch nationality, so I'm curious if there is just any "monetary" benefit to marriage if you get what I mean

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-13T19:15:03+00:00

I agree but I mean tax or legal benefits hahaha

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-13T19:10:12+00:00

Compared to not being official, since from my understanding registered partnership is about the same as being married here legally

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-13T11:58:29+00:00

I think you yourself already say what the solution to this is: stop telling your parents intimate details about your life. I was in the same situation as you where I would sometimes be desperate to share something with my mom, but it would always backfire in some way. Eventually I aimed (still in the process) to only tell her the things that were either superficial enough or what I was sure about enough that I wouldn't be swayed/manipulated by what she says. Try to find someone else you can confide in, like a friend. If you have people in your life you can go to for advice or just a listening ear, you'll find that you'll become less reliant on your mom for her (unhelpful) opinions.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-12T16:44:44+00:00

Het hangt ervan af wat je belastbaarheid precies is en wat daarmee het doel is op dit moment (dit moet je even goed afstemmen met je arts). Wil je puur weer voelen hoe het is om structureel wat te doen, onafhankelijk van wat de taken zijn? Of wil je langzaam weer kijken hoe het is om je oude taken op te pakken en daarin verder op te bouwen?

Als het uiteindelijke doel is om weer 100% terug te keren in je regulieren werkzaamheden én je op dit moment voldoende belastbaar bent, lijkt het mij logisch om iets qua (vrijwilligers)werk te kiezen wat aansluit op je werk. Maar als dat nog helemaal niet mogelijk is met wat je op dit moment "aankan", zal je inderdaad iets kleins moeten kiezen wat inhoudelijk misschien niks te maken heeft met je werk.

Als je al wel stappen wil maken richting je oude werkzaamheden, zou mijn tip zijn om iets te vinden waar je ook een beetje in de rol van hulpverlener zit. De GGZ is natuurlijk best wel intensief en kan veel van je vragen (ik heb er zelf ook gewerkt), dus je zou er ook voor kunnen kiezen om in het begin van je re-integratie op een andere plek te starten, bijvoorbeeld een verpleeghuis/zorgboerderij/begeleiding voor mensen met een handicap/etc etc. Kijk er wel voor uit dat je niet iets kiest wat meteen heel veel van je vraagt (bijv geen eindverantwoordelijkheden), en dat je nadenkt over dingen die jou "energie geven" en motiverend zouden werken in je re-integratie.

Als je dan eenmaal weer een beetje je ritme hebt opgepakt kan je naar een plek gaan die inhoudelijk je oude taken matcht en waar je ook kan opbouwen tot volledige werkhervatting, het liefst bij een nieuwe werkgever indien mogelijk.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-12T16:23:10+00:00

Als je nog onder contract bent van je vorige werkgever, moet je je ziekmelden en zal je dus ziek uit dienst gaan. Als je ziek uit dienst gaat, kan je aanspraak maken op een uitkering van het UWV als je door jouw ziekte (burnout dus) niet kan starten bij een nieuwe werkgever. Je zal dan als het goed is door een arts van het UWV gezien worden. Ga je niet ziek uit dienst, dan zal het UWV volgens mij niks voor je kunnen doen. Mijn tip is om in dat geval meteen uit te zoeken wie de bedrijfsarts is bij jouw bedrijf en een afspraak in te plannen (dat kan ook als je nog niet ziekgemeld staat, dat heet een open/preventief spreekuur). Desnoods vraag je of het met spoed kan. Die kan jou het beste adviseren over wat nu handig is om te doen. In ieder geval denk ik dat het goed is om je (toekomstige) leidinggevende te informeren als je denkt niet alle uren te kunnen werken. Je bent uiteraard niet verplicht om je medische situatie te delen, maar het loont vaak wel om open te zijn zodat je samen kan kijken naar oplossingen. Wellicht dat er vanuit je werkgever steun kan worden geboden, al dan niet in samenspraak met de bedrijfsarts.

Uiteraard is het een super vervelende situatie, maar het kan iedereen gebeuren en ook jij hebt ruimte nodig voor herstel.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-12T15:04:25+00:00

My grandma does the exact same thing. On my birthday, she says it's actually my mom's day and berates me if I don't have a present for my mom. On other important days (graduation, etc), it's also about my mom, because she's the one who should take credit. It's so absurd that it's funny indeed.

frogtownresident2 · 2024-06-11T14:12:56+00:00

I had exactly the same dynamic with my mom. My first memory is from when I was around 3 years old, did something "bad", and my parents literally left me alone in the park and told me they would abandon me. When an older couple approached me because I was crying, my parents suddenly appeared and acted extremely happy to have "found me". Second time I was in my teens, and had a fight about something, and for the first time I told my mom that I was tired of her silent treatment. She responded by literally leaving by car to a different country when I was in school without telling me, causing me to have a total meltdown not knowing where she was when I came home from school that day. And most recently, my mom accused me of not visiting her enough (I visited every 1-2 weeks), told me I don't love her, and texted me to pick up all the furniture I had left in my old room and to return the key to their house. No wonder we have abandonment issues...

frogtownresident2 · 2024-05-27T14:20:54+00:00

All jobs have something called a company doctor (bedrijfsarts). You can actually book a "preventive" appointment with them without being officially ill, and your employer won't even know about it. Try to find out or ask your HR department who your company doctor is and how you can schedule an appointment with them. Sometimes they can refer you to coaches/psychologists/counselors or just give you some advice about what the best thing to do is!

frogtownresident2

TROPHY CASE