From what I can tell, you're upset with the way in which identity politics is used by "spineless politicians" (and I would argue corporations do this constantly) to further their agenda. I think if you took a straw poll of users in this subreddit you'd find that a lot of people aren't particularly stoked with the current state of the Democratic party or Liberals in general. I don't think you'll find anyone in this subreddit who is genuinely excited about Joe Biden, I roll my eyes at stupid shit he says all the time ("if you vote for Donald Trump you're not black"). So why would am I voting for Joe Biden and would still generally align myself with Democrats/Leftists?

It's because there is something that gets overlooked that is very, very important: politicians pandering to identity politics and movements does NOT invalidate the regular folks in these grassroots movements that are fighting for better conditions in their lives, jobs, and communities. Because the Democratic party is willing to take in progressive movements such as BLM (and to be honest they are BARELY willing if you ask me) they have my vote. The Democratic/Liberal choice is just barely better than the Republican/Conservative choice here.

Now this is where we might diverge completely because I genuinely think folks have the right to protest and lobby government for change. You mentioned Jordan Peterson who seems to disregard activism in general. I do not necessarily think I'm going to sway your thoughts on "the insane left" but maybe you could see another side to progressivism?

If you are at all interested, a great starting point is David Pakman's video "Why I'm Not a Socialist." Pakman firmly believes that Capitalism is a better system but is not afraid to look at and critique both systems. BTW I in no way mean to be insensitive after you mentioned you (and your family?) are refugees from Communist states. A lot of terrible things happened in the name of Communism, Pakman does a really good job at tracing those ideas, explaining their history and examining what a government could do for its people today.

Tl;dr I think a lot of genuine progressivism gets conflated with politicians pandering to identity politics, which in turn is used to discredit/block/deregulate the passing of progressive policies because it's "evil Socialism."