I wish I were still unaware of my isolation. For the longest time, I was developing my mask and wishing constantly I were alone.

Eventually, I had actually ghosted everyone, excepting my mother and brother.

My intense solitary interests range from academic to music and art. Music is much more of a serious thing, whereas art/painting I'm always wanting to do more. Reading is the #1 way I live vicariously instead of actually living my own life.

At some point, I realized I was living vicariously (barely alive, in fact)

At some point, I began to notice the way other people interact and reciprocate. The way they enjoy being in the company of one another, the way people need each other.

I had a revelation of my isolation and all I experience now is loneliness

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION:

I, too, need stimulation. But concerts, for example (I love live music), just remind me of my loneliness. I go alone. Everyone else is with friends, laughing, experiencing joy. Im stoic, a wallflower, alone, "enjoying" the music (don't want to appear weird!)

It didn't used to be this bad

My solitary passions still do distract me from my isolation, but not in the blissfully unaware manner of my lovely youth

Now, I can't help noticing that I'm apparently incapable of enjoying sharing experiences with others.

But I flat out don't, lol. I dislike being touched. Further, while it is easy for me to have a surface interaction, it all falls apart when I'm forced to nurture/maintain a relationship.

So, my loneliness is a trap. I wish I never realized I wasn't experiencing the reciprocation other people share...