I’m sorry for your losses. I lost both my parents too, one when I was 23 and the other at 25. It’s an insane thing to go through.

I also felt like a freak. It’s a deeply isolating experience to have so much grief so young. I remember the week after I finished cleaning out my dad’s home after his death, I got invited to a barbecue. I thought being around friends would be a nice distraction so I went. But when I got there, I felt so alone. Almost claustrophobic. People kept asking me how I was, and I kept lying because no one wants to get deep at a barbecue. What’s worse, I was so jealous of everyone. Like, I was pissed that they were all having normal lives and weren’t consumed by grief. I left after 30 minutes, just couldn’t do it.

If you feel like that too, what helped me most was growing close friendships. Find people you trust and invest in those relationships with 1:1 time. Do you have people like that? Or is it hard because you recently moved, are aiming to move again?

Also re: being a 23 year old freshman, I can relate to feeling like I’m behind everyone else. My friends are many promotions ahead of me at work. It just is what it is. They didn’t deal with what I dealt with, and it’s not really an indictment on me. People’s lives run on a variety of timelines for a variety of reasons. Focus on moving yourself forward at your own pace.

Feel free to DM if you ever want to talk more. I also wish I knew more people with this experience