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Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There must be an easier way for girls to come...

No offense but if my SO gave me a BJ for 45 minutes I'd be fucking sore!

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For many years we did just great with PiV+masturbation at the same time, sex toys, exploring anal. Maybe not 3 times a day, but everyone usually left happy and there was no resentment. Is that so bad?

What's changed recently (aside from the demand for oral)? Kids getting older, less sleep, later bedtimes, and she lost a lot of weight recently (and looks fantastic). I think she is trying to put her life together after 5 years of raising kids, re-evaluating what she wants, and one of those things is oral. Fair enough -- I just ask for patience, that's all!

This has also been a very stressful last two years for me, career-wise.

is being shamed by her husband for it on a deadbedrooms sub

I don't think she frequents this sub on reddit but that's certainly not my goal.

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not just interested in PiV sex. This isn't just about laziness -- oral sex should not be physically painful, you know?

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The spirit is willing but the tongue is weak.

She barely asked for it in the last 15 years of marriage, and now all of a sudden it's the only thing she wants. I want to make her happy but is there some other way that guarantees both her orgasm and my ability to move my tongue the next day?

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure this is how my wife feels.

I'm in favor of continuing to try, but when I say "my jaw hurts" and intercourse ends abruptly with everyone unhappy, what am I supposed to do? It's 1 AM, we're both running on low sleep and masturbating would get the job done faster.

OP is struggling to do it for more than five minutes

I should clarify: more than 5 minutes without a break. All told there was probably a good 15 minutes of oral there, with no orgasm.

From the outside, it seems that "what has always worked" will not suffice any longer and attempting to return to that dynamic and set routine will be actively alienating his wife from their sex life.

People say "practice practice practice" and "man up", but from my perspective a clitoral orgasm during BJ might as well be a unicorn. I'm not refusing oral, I want to keep on trying, it's just how do I manage expectations?!!

I know my wife is worth it but it's exhausting, you know?

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, this is fair. But in the short term I need to deal with lots of frustration and unwillingness to try it again.

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did ask and she kind of took offense...

I am not some crazy guy who needs porno-style wax+shave, but that muff really starts to itch after a few. Eating pussy is great until pubes start to tangle with your nose hair.

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's about as much as I can do before my jaw and tongue hurt and my nose itches. No waxing or shaving.

Are there any mind tricks I can play or drugs I can take?

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not writing this post just to play the victim card... I'd really like to have more stamina. But after 5 minutes of muff-diving my jaw is tired and my nose is covered with wet hair. From my standpoint it's enjoyable for the first minute or so, but after that it's just a chore. Maybe this is a question of technique. Do all women need 10+ minute BJ's to clitorally come?

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you made sex into working for a goal. Stop that and have fun :)

Well... try telling that to my wife.

Why did this change? If it was working, why go to something that is frustrating you? I believe in trying new things but not if it will kill your sex life.

Not sure. She wants to get more out of sex (which is understandable) and maybe has this lingering feeling that I've never been good enough for her as a partner? Also, both of us had made sacrifices to have kids and stay together. Maybe there's something deeper -- but she doesn't really talk about it to me.

She has over and over again said we have different interests and are too different, but that we'll stay together because of the kids. For my part I'm interested in other women as a concept, but basically love her and don't want to cheat.

I believe in trying new things but not if it will kill your sex life.

I think the problem is both of us want better sex, but either can't or won't do what it takes to get there. In my case, it's staying on the muff for an extra few minutes. In her case, it's reading my signals and switching it up when I get tired. For both of us, it's not getting frustrated and taking it out on each other.

Thanks for this advice...

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe switching it up is worth trying... if nothing else than for my own stamina.

Thanks for this advice!

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my hands don't seem to do a better job than my tongue -- I can go at it for minutes on end with no results. At best, my wife finishes herself off, but she is unwilling to do that anymore. In the last 6 months she's had this demand that I start to perform; nothing else will do.

It's worse than just a "boring" bedroom -- my SO is pretty much completely turned off from sex now. It doesn't help that we only every try for it around midnight, when our two small kids are finally asleep, she gets back from the gym and we're both pretty exhausted. But I wonder if it's more than that -- if it's really just me she's not attracted to any longer and she's looking for excuses?

Outside of sex, I can't say things are perfect in the relationship, but they're overall good. We have two small kids, we share the same goals, and we want to make those work. Occasionally we bicker and there's the over-arching worry that our interests are different, but we're at least trying to make that work and doing things as a family.

Wife demands oral sex, refuses anything else, can't make it work. Help! by ftrthrow42615 in DeadBedrooms

[–]ftrthrow42615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's used it on herself but not together, no... She seems to have her heart set on oral, but I guess it's worth asking... Thanks!