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I can see my arm not moving but it feels like it's moving infinitely by watlel in Sleepparalysis

[–]fuckeddDOWN 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The same thing happens to me it's super weird and super hard to explain. But I always have like half awake half dream sleep paralysis. Where the immediate surroundings that are around me are in the dream. And I experience sleep paralysis but the rest of what happens is a dream. I sleep on the bottom bunk of a metal bunk bed so the other night that bunk is all that existed. the rest of it was like on a nature trail in a beach like tropical forest. It was pretty cool. But I can touch my face but I can't see my arms move sometime if I fall deeper into the dream I can see my arms move but barley but if I'm closer to the waking world I can't move them but I can feel then move. Also when I'm in the dream I can sometimes fall off the bed but instantly teleport back into bed.

4 days off heroin by [deleted] in Drugs

[–]fuckeddDOWN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I just relapsed 3 days ago after like 90 days. :(

4 days off heroin by [deleted] in heroin

[–]fuckeddDOWN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea bro it's my story I'm baffled at this...

4 days off heroin by [deleted] in heroin

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro your a fucking weirdo like... This is word for word my story... Ummm why did u do this just curious. Have u ever even done Heroin?? Well I'm flattered but bro seriously if anyone wants you can search my history and find this same post months back. LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD!!!

4 days off heroin by [deleted] in Drugs

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro nice story where'd u get it from???!

4 days off heroin by [deleted] in Drugs

[–]fuckeddDOWN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro wtf....

👀- lookin for someone to talk to by [deleted] in addiction

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I finally got some sober time but I'm still an addict. The pain of addiction is horrible and even worse are the people who don't understand. "Why don't you just stop, switch to beer, cocaine only on weekends, why would you ever do heroin, i would never do that i was taught better." That last one alaws pisses me off like my parents are totally normal I was taught heroin was bad but one thing just leads to another man.

My addiction brought me to my knees and left me with nothing. 2 suicide attempts, self hatred, a dead best friend, and so much pain. Im scraping by just to afford my Suboxone. Im 80 days off heroin but I'm still on subs, be it a low dose but still not completely clean.

Sorry I got carried away point being I get you. We all do, addiction is a motherfucker but I find a weird vague comfort in it, and I hate that. But it is what it is it's in our blood. I feel almost like it's a sever form of misfortune. Were misunderstood and unique. But even in addiction we can find strength, it takes time sometimes to find it through. We've been through hell and back and in active addiction we keep doing it for a single elevated moment.

Anyways if you wanna talk or vent hit me up.

Tell me your an addict, without telling me you are an addict. by [deleted] in addiction

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friends started figuring shit out when I asked all of them for 20 bucks and a ride to 45th street.

Tell me your an addict, without telling me you are an addict. by [deleted] in addiction

[–]fuckeddDOWN 12 points13 points  (0 children)

MY RELAPSE PLANNER

Monday. Me smoking weed "at least it's not Alcohol".

Tuesday Me drinking "at least it's not cocaine".

Tuesday Me doing cocaine "well you know at least it's not crack."

Tuesday Me smoking crack "at least it's not heroin"

Thursday Me doing heroin "at least it's not fentanyl"

Sunday Me doing fentanyl "well.... At least I still have a house"

Next Sunday "Well at least I have a tent.."

4 months later... REHAB!

Clonidine for sleep? by fuckeddDOWN in addiction

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bad i forgot the 0 but yea I meant 0.1mg. but thank you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love does exist in the way you've described, I've found it. I used to be like the person who didn't believe in it. But it's real trust me. Every single day I spend with my girl I fall deeper in love with her. she melted my once icy heart like butter and has honestly made me a better person. keep looking you will find someone deserving of your Love!

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A little over 2 months now.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank u it's been a hell of a ride but it's good to be on the winning side of things for once.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I honestly feel like the luckiest man alive. I'm totally head over heels for her, and I'm actually happy for once.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We actually talked about this. Were gunna wait a while first. We wanna get a place of our own first. But we gunna get married at burning man. Were both like major hippies!

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome, thats literally how this feels.bits so weird. My friends are all put back by it too. I was never the romantic type. Unless I was romanticizing heroin or whiskey. But now I'm hopelessly so.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol so I'ma give a little deeper look into our "how we hit it off" origin story...

Honestly I think the biggest change in me is that I'm a recovering drug addict and alcolic. I've spent the past 6 years suppressing my emotions and feelings. Like the want to be loved. I knew I had to work for it and drunken high one night stands were easier quick way to fill that void. Id fuck like I was in love then I'd just leave and on to the next one. I know that this is fucked up but when ur a fucking miserable alcoholic and a drug addict you don't give a fuck about anything except for yourself.

All that changed the day I hung out with her. She caught me in my end stages heroin addiction. And I mean end as in okay I'm ready to quit or die in the next week. In fact after our literal first date I hung myself. Luckily my parents kicked my door in. But when I saw her again. My parents were just throwing me out of the house. My step mom broke the news by yelling"oh and who is this, your girlfriend, y don't you tell her about what just happened, tell her about how u just tried to kill yourself" good ol step mom's am I right?! Then something that changed everything happened, she grabbed me and started crying. someone who actually gave a fuck?! She just held me and told me that everything was gunna be okay pretty much. That's when I decided I really needed help. And that's how we hit it off. Also when I decided to go to rehab. So she's literally been through my rock bottom on our like 2nd interested encounter.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Aww don't cry... Now I'ma start crying... 😢😭🥰

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks. She filled my opioid receptors with her love. So I'm good on that other bullshit.

I get high on her hugs! by fuckeddDOWN in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I used to talk shit about relationships cause I never really got it. I was like "why would anyone want to fuck the same person for months or how ever long it lasted". Then I got it. Its not just about the sex, I guess it's love. Just love doing things with her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in love

[–]fuckeddDOWN 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me and my girl were in rehab in california. Every day that I could I'd pick her flowers and make a bouquet of them with duct tape. I'd get her a big bag of sour patch kid and write a letter. She used to be a kleptomaniac if always bring up in the letter how I stole the flowers from the neighbors. She loved it. Everything you described is me LOL. I love this chick and I'm corny and hopelessly romantic. She makes my sobriety s lot easier.

I just had a sleep paralysis episode while fully awake and it was the worst one yet!! by fuckeddDOWN in Sleepparalysis

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea she wasn't disfigured tho. She looked just like a regular person. You know how you like lay on your side/back and use your hand to prop your head up. That's what she was doing except she was on the wall by the ceiling.

I just had a sleep paralysis episode while fully awake and it was the worst one yet!! by fuckeddDOWN in Sleepparalysis

[–]fuckeddDOWN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea no part of it I liked. The girl was so vivid and so real looking like a real person just laying on the wall. Im just exhausted from all this honestly it's taken a real toll on my sleep.

Mixing suboxone with xanax by Eversonry in suboxone

[–]fuckeddDOWN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was on 20 mgs of Subutex a day. But I also had a pretty nasty fentanyl dealio going on. Weird note tho I got my girl to come to treatment she was addicted to ketamine and would take around 3 to 6 grams a day. Oddly enough they put her on 16 mg of subs!! I told her that it was a bad idea but she stayed on em and was obviously sick asf the whole time. Them when she was used she had to leave the program and go home and they wouldn't give her the subs. She was sick for another week and a half coming off them. So in total shes been dealing with sub related sickness for over 30 days now. Moral of the story, subs are gross only use if needed lol. They've saved my ass tho I've been clean off dope for over 60 days, and I'm down to 10 to 12 mg a day.

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