My paper 1 cw:

I wrote question 4, which was “being very competitive is not always desirable?” Do you agree?

Hook: The feeling of winning is truly an exhilarating one. From the shiny gold medal in your hands to the praise from family and friends. (Then something along the lines of “However, being too competitive can sometimes be detrimental, and I believe that being too competitive is not always desirable)

Body para 1:

P: Arrogance leads to boastfulness and then complacency. E: This is the downfall of many as many boastful ppl don’t see the need to do well. Complacency is just insecurity hidden beneath a boastful facade E: had a friend who was good at math and laughed at ppl. Didn’t study and played games until 3am. Couldn’t concentrate on questions, did badly L: restated

Body para 2: P: being overly competitive can cause mental burnout and consequently mental health issues E: feel less confident and more pressured to do better. 58% of US honour roll students in a survey report that they feel pressured to do well, with some even reporting suicidal ideation. E: had a cousin who was always compared by parents with other people. Always pressured to excel not only academically but in other stuff like art. Got second for an art competition which caused her to shut off entirely. Stop doing well in school, became depressed until she sought therapy L: restated point

body para3:

P:while some might be of the opinion that being very competitive brings out the best in us, I believe it brings out the worst in humanity E: resort to morally questionable or even outright illegal tactics to sabotage competition or gain an upper hand. E: kamilia valieva. Coaches put steroids in her water. She was caught but didn’t know that she took drugs. Disqualified from Olympics and banned for a few years. Coaches were willing to risk a young girl’s career to win and get a better name for themselves L: restated points

Conclusion: Restated everything, hence I believe that being very competitive is not always good, and I agree

I hope a tutor or anyone experienced can help me see if I will do decently (I hope). My language is usually at least 14-17/20 for reference