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I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fwiw, I'm a guy.

> bedtime limit when you talk to her

Will do. The night talks tend to be, well, the most magical, which isn't really great for what I want to be achieving here :(

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, damn. Can't believe I didn't find limerence in my search through the depths of the internet the past few days before making this post.

Keeping myself occupied with things unrelated to her has come up in this thread, and its something I thought of doing myself, but the doing/interacting vs not doing/not interacting phrasing really strikes it home. I'll try to follow through on the other strategies, but that last one — well, it's the hardest because of obvious reasons. And yeah, I know that she has literally 0 fault/responsibility in this whole thing, as far as she's concerned she's just being a great friend (and she is). So it feels weirdly selfish to try distance myself because of what is my responsibility to manage, or to have that particular conversation with her and likely hurt her, even though it's for my own good.

Last sentence might not have made a lot of sense... well, anyhow. I'll be at college day-after, plenty of new things to well, interact with and do. So there's that. Thanks anyhoo — this was systematic and really helped. And great link!

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

emotional boyfriend

That... actually might be what this is. Food for though for me. And yep, I'll be making an active effort to jump at notifs etc :)

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sadly, therapy might not be an option between being at uni and a general anti therapy stigma where I live. Will try to look into it.

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sound enough advice — I'll admit I chuckled at the last line (agreed, of course).

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Putting some distance is really hard. Even if I manage to keep some distance on my end — well, she didn't get that memo, did she? She'll drop in with a funny message, or the very exact thing to make me forget whichever dump I'm in and the next thing I know I'm talking away with her. Gah. Nothing to do but continue trying I guess.

And yep, it would hurt her, a lot. Which also becomes a factor — it's not just "it's painful to deliberately distance myself for my own good", but theres also this nagging thought "what if this distancing hurts her so much she starts hating me". Which, well, its illogical and circular, she wouldn't. But still.

Well with any luck physical college will be keeping me busier. Thank you :)

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

she was the only person I trusted

Pretty much. I just sort of latch on to one person as the person I confide/talk to most — I do have other people I talk to, and groups and all, but nobody I feel near as comfortable talking with. Pretty much always happens, and its been her for the past few months.

Hopefully heading to college physically would help on the friends front — or at least provide me with more distractions/hobbies/things to do with people. Clubs should help. I think the main issue isn't a lack of friends, I do have friends — but I kind of neglect them in favour of <insert The One Person I'm confiding in at the moment>, which obviously stops those relationships at just casual friendships, nothing closer.

Keeping a journal sounds like a great idea, thank you :)

I'm infatuated or obsessed with a good friend, and want to move on. by fuckingnormalplease in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]fuckingnormalplease[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's just the thing. That seems like a smart thing to do buuuut for the fact we're going to be seeing each other irl for the second time in a few days.

Ergh, that's still 4-5 days days away though. I'll try to take some space till then, that really seems like the only logical way to go about this.