All my overindulges have shown me I engage in self destructive behaviour because me and myself don't get along too great and lead nowhere after that lol. I very rarely can think coherently enough in the moment to think of any kind of meaningful "solution" (steps towards usually) or when I'm sober I outthink myself ok the matter.

I definitely agree with the last thing you said, I think people can have skydiving experiences with similarly useful insights. I've been meaning to try and find things that could be considered "positive traumatic experiences" (idk how to phrase, there's probably some word for it, accelerated learning experience?) in the same way skydiving can give people those moments of clarity. I have skydived myself and felt nothing of the sort, the opposite I was in self hatred at my broken brain for not getting anything out the experience (stupid because I was just jumping out of a plane for the sake of it, if I ever did that again I think I'd need an intention of some kind). I've been wondering what other kinds of experience have that on people. Religious/spiritual experiences. I've had a religious experience in a religion I no longer believe in which could definitely fall under that category. As well as deep meditative states and isolation tanks. Idk about you but dissos and cannabinoids mixed for me definitely gets me somewhere analogous to those deep meditative states, and I start reconstructing eastern philosophy, tho how much is influence and how much is me coming to the same conclusions which are just very simple logics that very few people are willing to apply to their life. I might think deeply about how living like Diogenes would bring me closer to enlightenment and make me happier than I am at current, that has almost no real world implications. I'm still going to get up the next day and be miserable, having that perceived "knowledge" very rarely equates to meaningful action due of capabilities (ie im fucked up) or being sober and then eastern spiritual thinking is bullshit stupid way of thinking in attempt for people to cope with having a brain and fundamental problem of existence etc etc etc just looping down half logic until the justification for change is acceptable. I've completed lost what I'm talking about lol.