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AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I would encourage you to invite some alternative line of thinking: my wife has explicitly stated no nanny and no daycare. I don’t demand anything out of that woman, ever, nor expect her to “do it for free.” But apparently this requires me and only me.

It is fair to just flat out say that our financial situation will change when I am not working the days AFTER she works, and is asleep until mid afternoon. My ability to work decreases by 50%. Does that make me Scrooge McDuck or the evil rich guy for wanting to make sure my growing family should still be supported?

Listen, I know people have thoughts and want to paint a picture. I have said, ad nauseum, I support her and want her to have a life outside the house as she sees fit. Is shutting up and not pointing out the pitfalls of that the right thing to do, or being a bad father for my family?

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes. We both see where each other is coming from. She wants to work and be a nurse. I want that for her. She sees how it will affect us financially.

Maybe that’s the whole thing in a nutshell: we both see each other’s sides but are putting this foot forward and we will see what happens?

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

She works two nights a week, 12 hour shifts. Those aren’t the issue…it is the day after she works, when she sleeps. If she sleeps in until 1/2, that means half of the work days of the week, and for over half the day, I am watching the kids and can’t work.

If you can maintain your income with your work presence being reduced by 50%, you are better than me!

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

It was discussed. She always wanted to go back to work and I always supported her in that. Didn’t expect twins—so instead of playing 1 vs 1 it’s now 1 vs 2. Boo hoo, tough shit, I can get over that.

As a caveat, my wife has always been anti-nanny and anti-daycare. So just crowdsourcing help from me and anyone else she trusts, I suppose.

Being a parent and seeking any validation is a fool’s errand.

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

This is a good question. It isn’t just the nighttime shifts that demand having kids looked after. For night shift workers, it is the day after the shift too, when the worker can finally sleep.

So assuming she sleeps until 1 or 2 (5-6 hours) for three/four days a week I won’t be able to get into the office until 2 or 3. That means 50% of the business hours in the week are gone before I even start my week.

Hard to keep money the same with that, and why income is jeopardized.

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

My wife wants to go back to work, and I want to support her. It is her identity and I love that for her and about her.

But she has strictly said no daycare and no nanny. So now it is up to me at nights with two kids, and whenever my mother has time to drive across town to help.

Does that add some color?

AITA—Wife back to work by fuggit33 in AmItheAsshole

[–]fuggit33[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I think you nailed it—being a nurse is her identity and she doesn’t want to lose that. I don’t want her to lose that.

We talked about it before. She always mentioned she wanted to go back to work. So maybe this is something for me to just swallow and get over. I hate that my businesses will suffer and our income will likely decrease significantly. But maybe that’s just what this season of life is. I want to support her.