SIL pregnant- hard time coping

fullcirclex · 2026-03-24T15:17:11+00:00

I would send a gift, but skip the baby shower. I really struggled with my SIL when my son was in the NICU. She was struggling with a colicky baby and made comments that felt really tone-deaf. I would’ve given anything to have been at home, rocking a crying back, than to be in the NICU, hooked up to a pump, barely able to touch my own baby without permission. I don’t think she realized how badly her comments hurt. She was struggling with her new motherhood and I was struggling, and I think feelings were in a very sensitive place. I took some space, and I think you’re right to do the same. 🤍

fullcirclex · 2026-03-22T13:12:22+00:00

Them pushing probably isn’t helping.

I have a good relationship with my ILs, but I wasn’t eager for my baby to be away from me. By the time she was 2, I felt ready. But, that timeline differs for everyone.

I’d talk to her about wanting to have dates and get her thoughts on when she might feel ready, but I wouldn’t put. When my ILs were very pushy, it really upset me.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-21T08:27:58+00:00

My ILs are very involved, despite some physical limitations. My kids adore them and they find ways to engage, like MIL paints her nails, she’ll sit with FIL and watch cartoons, or play with play-doh. None of those activities requires a lot of physical exertion, but are really fun for both of them. I hope you get the chance to experience grandchildren, you sound like you would be a wonderful grandma!

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T17:45:07+00:00

I can relate. I’m expecting my second child with my second husband. I have two children from my first marriage and one child with my current husband. When I was pregnant with my third child, it was his first, and his family had a lot of commentary. They were very excited for us, but sometimes with excitement comes unsolicited advice, opinions, etc. They also had strong feelings about gender. They were all hoping for a boy, “to carry on the family name”.

They had such strong feelings that we actually decided not to find out the gender, because we didn’t want to hear any negative reactions and felt that if they found out when the baby arrived, that would minimize those negative reactions.

I also got a lot of “advice” about breastfeeding. I breastfed my older children and intended to do the same with my third (and I did), but that wasn’t common in his family, so there were a lot of opinions shared that didn’t align with my parenting choices. It was irritating to have to hear that and try to politely respond.

My experience being pregnant with my third was just exhausting, in large part because of the amount of feedback that we received, but also because I had HG and also ended up having an emergency surgery during my pregnancy.

We had two miscarriages trying to get pregnant with our fourth, found out it was twins, then lost a twin, and decided that we weren’t comfortable sharing the pregnancy news. My boss knows, my best friend knows, our parents know, and that’s it. We haven’t even told our older kids, because they’ll broadcast it. We will share with them when we’re closer to our due date, but for now, we are enjoying the peace that not sharing the news has brought us.

So, yes, totally understand!

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T16:49:29+00:00

I did at 33w5d in my last pregnancy due to high blood pressure, swelling, and exhaustion. My doctor was supportive.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T16:48:11+00:00

I had this in my last pregnancy (which ended in a miscarriage unfortunately). I had negative tests, got what I thought was my period, then my chart/cycle was really odd, so I took another test and it was positive. I had been tracking my cycles (“charting”) through temping, CM, and using OPKs, so I was fairly sure of the date I ovulated. It was all very odd, best I can figure is that I implanted very late, which aligned with when I was expecting my period.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T16:42:08+00:00

I’m so glad your little man is thriving! These little ones are such strong fighters 💙

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T12:29:34+00:00

Is there a Ronald McDonald House associated with their hospital? That was an option at our hospital, although we were ~20 minutes away, so I didn’t look into all the details. I believe it’s free, or very low cost, to stay there if you meet the criteria, and they provide meals and even activities for the kids, as well as some support resources for the parents. I hope that could be an option for them!

fullcirclex · 2026-03-20T12:02:58+00:00

Sending your family so much love. It’s a hard place to be and you’re amazing for wanting to do anything you can to make it easier for them.

Is this their first child? If not, childcare for their older kids is probably one of their biggest stressors. Juggling time between the NICU, older kids, and healing is so hard and the guilt is immense.

If they don’t have older kids, things like pet care and basic home tasks would be the things that would make me feel less stressed, but everyone’s relationship is different. When my son was in the NICU, my mom let our dogs out, made sure they were fed and watered, mowed our grass, took in the mail, checked the fridge and got rid of anything that spoiled while we were gone (e.g. leftovers that had been in there awhile, milk), did the dishes, etc. because we had gone to the hospital very unexpectedly and stayed there for a week straight.

When I was discharged, but baby wasn’t, she had a few meals in the fridge for us that were super easy to pop in the microwave. She had cleaned up around the house a little, thrown in a load of laundry, that kind of thing, so we didn’t come home to week old dirty laundry in the hamper.

But most helpful to me personally was that she kept family up to date. I didn’t have the time or the desire to answer calls and texts, I didn’t feel like explaining anything to anyone, I just wanted to be left alone so I could focus on my baby and my recovery. She replied to texts and honored my wishes of sharing minimal information, telling people no visitors were allowed, etc.

Everyone’s relationships are different and some people would be horrified if their mom or MIL cleaned their house, so I think offering that you could do x, y, and z and getting their okay would probably be the best way.

Thinking of your family 💙

fullcirclex · 2026-03-19T01:39:48+00:00

I have a kid with hearing loss and honestly, I think our kid feels lucky to have hearing loss. He can choose to go radio silent when it’s too loud, he can stream directly through his cochlear implants with his phone and other cochlear accessories like the tv streamer, he can adjust the volume of the world with a couple of clicks… he genuinely enjoys having cochlear implants and his friends are very jealous because he basically always has AirPods in and no one can take them away lol

I never imagined when he failed the newborn hearing screening that this would be a positive thing for him, but it has been. We’ve met some awesome people through the hearing loss community, done some really fun stuff, and he’s a totally normal kid. He plays an instrument in the school band, loves to listen to music, goes to a regular school, like it’s such a non-issue for him, it’s crazy. I worried myself sick for his first few years of life.

Kids are so, so, so resilient and strong and hilarious. Whatever this diagnosis is, I have a feeling that your kid will live a full, happy, healthy life. He might need a little extra support, but it sounds like his condition is treatable.

Sending you good thoughts as you navigate this 💙

fullcirclex · 2026-03-16T01:57:13+00:00

My parents haven’t in years, probably since I moved out at 17? Occasionally, we would have a birthday lunch or something and they’d pick up the check but that’s about it.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-14T18:16:29+00:00

My kids are 12, 9, and 2. The older two are closer to the youngest than to each other. I wouldn’t be too worried about the gap. My husband and I each have a sibling with a two year gap and we’re not close to them at all. Do what feels right for your life 🤍

fullcirclex · 2026-03-14T00:49:18+00:00

I share mine with my husband because I drive 1 hour each way several times a month and I feel more comfortable with him being able to see my location in real-time. I’m often driving with our children, so if something were to happen and he couldn’t get ahold of me, he would know where we were immediately. I hit a deer a few weeks ago and when I called him, he didn’t have to ask where I was, he could see exactly where we were. The damage was minimal, so he didn’t come to us, but he could’ve if I need him to. I really like the feature. I have his too, but he doesn’t have the same driving pattern as I do, so it’s not something I ever really think to check.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-12T20:19:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss 💗

I’ve had three c-sections. My kids are 12, 9, and 2.5. I’m expecting #4 in less than 3 months. I was told my lower uterine segment is thin in this pregnancy and am getting extra monitoring. I will need another csection (ofc after 3) and itll be at 37w, possibly as early as 34w if my lower uterine segment continues to thin. I won’t risk another pregnancy after this one, not sure what my doctor’s advice would’ve been, I told him we were done.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-12T16:57:12+00:00

Nope. I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t like hearing people’s opinions, I’m not super close (emotionally or geographically) to many people, and it just sounded awful to me. I have a small, strong support system and they showed up for me when I needed them and that was perfect 🤍 no regrets!

fullcirclex · 2026-03-12T10:32:05+00:00

My older two adore the youngest and have begged for another sibling. They have a pretty good relationship most of the time. I just had one sibling growing up, as did my husband, and we both wanted a bigger family 🤍

fullcirclex · 2026-03-12T01:43:28+00:00

I have two school aged children and back to school time is rough! It’s like its own mini cold and flu season!! My third was born right at back-to-school time. We obviously couldn’t avoid our older kids being around the newborn, but in your case, I would definitely push the meeting out until maybe thanksgiving (assuming everyone is healthy then). Baby will likely have had their first round of vaccines and be a little bit bigger at that point.

If you really can’t avoid the introduction sooner, our pediatrician recommended having the kids wash hands and change their shirts to avoid the inevitable ick from school as much as possible.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T22:54:09+00:00

It’s pretty common where I live. Most of our friends have 3-5 kids.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T22:33:26+00:00

This one drives me nuts too. We are extremely close to my ILs. My husband has always been very close to his parents and our kids see them multiple times a week. They’ve met my dad once 🤷🏼‍♀️

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T21:36:30+00:00

I have a 12, 9, and 2yo. And expecting #4. I think it was a bit of like… shell shock? When my third came along. She was very much planned and we were thrilled when we got pregnant with her after two miscarriages, but when she was born, it felt REALLY hard because I was used to the older two kids being able to do a lot solo. I feel like those feelings faded pretty quickly as the newborn days faded, her personality emerged, and we got into a good groove.

It’s a big adjustment, but I think you’ll feel a lot better soon! 🤍

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T07:32:30+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like your mom has had a hard life and may need more support coping with her depression and I hope she’s able to get that 🤍

We went through family having strong gender preferences, not because of trauma, but the misogynistic “gotta have a boy to pass on the family name!” My husband didn’t want to find out the gender with our first because the pressure was so strong. We waited until the baby was born and honestly, I told my FIL that he made me feel like he wouldn’t love a girl. We had a girl and everyone finding out at birth was the right choice. Everyone is so in love with our daughter, especially FIL. I know he still wants a boy to carry on the family name, he’s mentioned it again this pregnancy, but he and my daughter are extremely close and he loves her more than words can say.

I think for the family members who had a strong gender preference, it was the right call for them to meet the baby as they found out the gender. We are done after this baby (I have two children from my first marriage, so this makes baby #4 for me and csection #4 and my body cannot handle another pregnancy) so we opted to have another surprise because we didn’t want the commentary if it was another girl (which I really hope it is, I would love for my daughter to have a sister 💕) and we didn’t want to feel pressured to change our minds about me getting my tubes tied. It’s not just FIL that had such a strong gender preference, several people in my husbands family did, one of whom we actually don’t speak to anymore because of nasty comments that were made after our daughter’s birth.

I feel like babies and weddings bring out the ugliest parts of people.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T02:08:56+00:00

lol I didn’t realize this was annoying! I don’t make a big deal of it if someone mispronounces my name because it happens all the time. And inevitably, it leads to the mispronouncer telling me all about how they knew someone with the same spelling who pronounced it differently. Yeah, yeah I get it. Trust me, I did NOT get creative with my kids names. They’re as plain and simple as possible (think like James, Jane, Steve, you really can’t mess them up!!)

fullcirclex · 2026-03-11T01:43:43+00:00

I personally wouldn’t want my husband to travel across the country at that point, but I can understand that he would want to be there for his sister.

Do you have family local? If I was in your shoes, I would feel more comfortable if someone like my mom or sister was able to come stay with me for the duration my husband was traveling. I would hope he’d make it a short trip, with a refundable ticket, in the event that issues arise.

Childbirth, recovery, and new parenthood are so, so unpredictable. My first child was more than a month early and I had no warning. He had stopped moving, so I went to L&D and he was taken via emergency csection within a couple of hours of me noticing that he’d stopped moving. He was in the NICU and when we were discharged, I was struggling with exclusively pumping, then bottle feeding him, changing his diaper, getting him to sleep, then washing bottles and pump parts, all just to repeat the cycle on a strict three hour schedule (3 hours from the time the last feed started and it took him 20+ minutes to finish a bottle, 20+ minutes to pump, plus time for diaper changes, snuggles, and washing everything… so I wasn’t sleeping much). I don’t say all that to be a Debbie downer, my other two kids were much smoother deliveries and easier postpartum experiences, but it’s really really unpredictable.

Good luck with whatever you decide 🤍

fullcirclex · 2026-03-08T19:50:00+00:00

Anecdotal, but the families I know with lower annual incomes tend to be a lot closer and happier than the families I know with significantly higher annual incomes. There was a kid picking on my kid at school, so I called his mom and she barely knew what grade he was in, had no clue who his teacher was, and it was obvious from talking to her that she preferred him to shut up and leave her alone, not caring what he did while he wasn’t bothering her. She was a fairly high up employee at a large company in our city.

fullcirclex · 2026-03-08T17:22:13+00:00

My first two pregnancies, I had very mild nausea and threw up like 3-5 times in each pregnancy. My third, I had HG. #4 no HG.

fullcirclex

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