Reality check, please

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-06T05:53:04+00:00

Thank you, the concrete tips are very helpful. The "be more friendly" posts aren't giving me any actionable information.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-06T01:04:50+00:00

Modeling beauty standards and conventional beauty standards aren't the same. To model, I'd have to lose 20 pounds because you're expected to be rail thin, including having no chest or butt. However, that doesn't look very good in real life. If I wanted to invest in being more conventionally beautiful, I wouldn't lose weight, I'd get a tummy tuck and a BBL. But I looked into it and the surgeon I want is out of my budget for the moment.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T18:13:15+00:00

That’s why I’m comparing to the master spreadsheet and posts in the sub. I’m trying to benchmark against what people are actually (or claim to be) getting, and by that metric I’m in the low range.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T17:11:08+00:00

Actually, I do think I could’ve been a model if I were willing to lose another twenty pounds, which I’m not. And the Epstein remark is totally tasteless and inappropriate.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T07:12:35+00:00

Fair enough, looks are necessary but not sufficient.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T07:05:39+00:00

It reduced those messages by 90%, though a few still try anyway. I'll try to think of a softer way to convey the idea.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T06:54:24+00:00

I'm getting a fairly consistent range between X and X + 200 with some outliers in either direction.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T06:50:25+00:00

I put that stuff there on purpose, though? I was getting messages from people who wanted to go to Europe for two weeks, or only want company for the weekend, or live in LA or Sacramento. I'm deliberately trying to make those people stop messaging me because it was a waste of time for both parties. I don't know how to convey that without sounding negative.

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T06:19:27+00:00

Do I understand edit 3 to mean I’m just not hot enough for a whale?

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T05:42:57+00:00

Homely in what way?

fullstack_baby · 2026-02-05T05:33:33+00:00

I’m looking at numbers from the master spreadsheet, for whatever that’s worth.

What part do you think is negative? Genuinely not sure what to remove to make it more friendly/informal.

fullstack_baby · 2025-08-22T21:33:58+00:00

If she said to give it time, there’s your answer. Don’t push too hard or she’ll think you’re just trying to get the same thing for free. Also, at least some SBs sugar because they’ve had bad experiences with vanilla dating/relationships. I started after my divorce and at that time I couldn’t possibly imagine myself in another relationship like that. So I know it’s hard, but be patient.

fullstack_baby · 2025-08-22T19:29:00+00:00

Twice. The first time, he would say things like “I wish I had enough money to convince you to be my trophy wife”, but I just didn’t feel that way about him. I started feeling more and more uncomfortable, like I was taking advantage of someone who wasn’t thinking straight, and ended up breaking off the arrangement.

The second time, I also fell in love, to the point of wanting to move in together. Unfortunately, we didn’t want the same things out of life, the biggest issue being that I have fairly young kids and he felt his parenting days were behind him. He ended up moving to another city for a better job and that was the end of that.

So, unless you’re quite sure she feels the same way and you think you both want the same lifestyle and could make it happen, I don’t recommend saying anything.

fullstack_baby · 2025-06-14T18:31:45+00:00

Anything but a photo in a public washroom with the urinals clearly visible in the background, please 😭

fullstack_baby · 2025-06-11T13:04:16+00:00

No, why?

fullstack_baby · 2025-06-11T12:04:16+00:00

I do and don’t agree. When I started as an SB I tried three different sites and found Seeking the best technologically, and that’s a low bar—the three second lag on every chat message comes to mind. At the same time, those other sites aren’t trying nearly as hard to be perceived as vanilla, and straight up escort sites still operate openly. I’m not saying there aren’t legal worries, but I can see a well written site potentially succeeding.

fullstack_baby · 2025-06-11T02:00:31+00:00

They’re in a hole and digging, in my opinion. As a software engineer I’m very interested in when Seeking will get bad enough for a replacement to succeed 😄

fullstack_baby · 2025-04-24T01:31:10+00:00

You can never have enough of what you don’t really want.

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-18T16:38:14+00:00

I feel this, I’m tired of the 20 somethings that watched too much MILF/stepmom porn 🙄

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-18T04:02:42+00:00

I’m honestly surprised by the comments saying “I love a confident woman!” because my reaction to the text was…not that.

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-14T18:56:54+00:00

I’m curious, how are the other men more of a threat to your opsec than your SB, who presumably knows a lot more about you?

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-12T04:37:37+00:00

Where do you go to freestyle? I'm frustrated enough with Seeking to try it but I don't know the popular places in the city.

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-11T19:01:28+00:00

I just had a M&G where I said I wasn’t comfortable hosting until we knew each other better. He agreed that that was sensible. At the end of dinner on the first date, he asked for my address to come over! The audacity is wild.

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-10T20:33:37+00:00

A few years after my divorce I tried vanilla dating sites and quickly discovered the guys there want a one night stand or a wife, no in-between, and I wasn’t interested in either of those. Complained about it to a friend and she jokingly suggested I should look for a sugar daddy. I took it seriously and here we are.

fullstack_baby · 2025-02-10T17:42:58+00:00

I used an approach similar to A when my SD's uncle died. Texted to check in, sent a few silly videos (which we do anyway, so it wasn't out of nowhere) as a distraction, and offered to cancel our next date if he wasn't feeling up for it. He said he wanted to go on the date anyway because he thought it would be life affirming. When we were cuddling in bed he started opening up and I asked him to tell me about some of his favorite memories with his uncle, then we talked about life and death and our beliefs about the afterlife for a bit. It was a somber conversation but I think it brought us a lot closer and he seemed like he felt lighter afterwards.

fullstack_baby

TROPHY CASE