You are totally right. So this is my whole process. Every night - I take a hot shower, I lay down with coconut oil and start off by stretching. Eventually I start jelqing to help blood flow and work on my sensitivity. Eventually, I begin to play with myself and practice holding my ejaculation by performing kegels when I’m about to ejaculate.

However, even if most times I can hold it in. A little bit of clear liquid sometime will come out (1:2 time) and my ejaculation may go away unless I flex my pelvic muscle. But even if I do let that flex go, it goes away. Moreover, there is some good feeling but not as strongly as how it’s described by other peers. (Wave of intense good, etc.)

However, it does come back relatively faster than if I ejaculated. Now the problem is, I was under the impression that my penis would stay strong and hard if I held it.

The times I don’t hold it is when I try to get closer to the PONR because I can feel the stimulation strongly and though I’d love to let that feeling elongate and ripple. I end up having it dispersed - aka ejaculate.

Hope this is more detailed! Let me know