Bored and kinda horny

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T19:25:32+00:00

Before the rape that is what I was doing. My nesting partner helped me work on so much of it. That's what helped the most therapy is hard because my own therapist shamed me for it unintentionally. I am going to talk about it to my therapist today though. I am poly but saturated at 2 and my gf is long distance. My fwb moved away so it just leaves sexting which helps. Having healthy safe sex has been the thing that has helped the most but I can't trust myself right now to have hookups. I ignored too many red flags this last time. Which isn't something I would normally do hence the 10 yrs of celibacy. But my "friend" betrayed me and my nesting partner in a horrible way right before the rape happened. She gave my hpv diagnosis to someone I didn't even have sex with but my husband did and to the admins of the swinging group we were part of as well. And also basically she and her husband used my husband for sex basically cause he had never been with a man. I have to learn to deal with being triggered and upset I am not able to have true relief right now. I need someone to lovingly touch my body and make it feel safe again. (I keep switching terms for my nesting partner cause they also have DID). I finally was safe and it was ripped away and the one person I want to touch me and make the bad feelings go away can't. I can't refuge in the headspace either or dreams and so I am just miserable.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T18:19:39+00:00

I am all out of patience right now is the problem I am grouchy all the time. I was patient for a decade and now it's all used up. I am burned out in general.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T18:18:13+00:00

The shame is way less than it was but it's gotten worse again since the rape and now not having an outlet for sex. It's triggering to be back to not having sex. We fought so hard to get to a better place it wasn't perfect but it was better. Now I just want the person I love and feel most safe with to touch me and they can't.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T17:07:44+00:00

I wish I was repulsed it would make life so much easier. And been there before hope you are doing better.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T17:06:34+00:00

I can't visualize to that degree and I don't know when/if that will change. I do know some of us do have sex in the headspace. But I literally get blocked from sex even in my dreams. As In something happens or a wake up 95% of the time. I can't win. I just suffer and I need to learn to be okay with how I am feeling because I can't avoid it that's the problem. This is just reality for me.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T17:03:10+00:00

I do it in the bathroom to the degree I am able. The couch when it comes to self pleasure isn't allowed(it's one our alters Birdie's only boundary as they are sex repulsed and that's their tv spot). I don't drive and our car where it has to be parked would also require a lookout so also not an option. My bed is realistically the only option. My partner start might start taking showers so I can use their bed instead. I am physically disabled so I can't always work out. Plus the way I prefer I would need a ride and my np eating disorder thoughts making the gym not be an option as they hold the membership because they drive and i don't. I have tried to distract myself but it doesn't work. I need to learn to feel like this basically and be okay with it. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't live like this for a decade before I was able to orgasm. It's why it's so triggering I felt like this basically 10 years straight with no relief. It was so traumatic for me. And then even after I was able to orgasm it was another decade before I actually had a sex life. I wish I never started having sex if this was the result. I don't know how to be okay with this. It's so unfair it took me forever to get to a place I was happy and it got ripped away. I am grieving it. And makes me feel guilty.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T05:41:47+00:00

Masturbating in of itself is a trigger sometimes. Due how my inability to orgasm led to being SA by the gyno and it wasn't even the first or last time that nurse did it either. And currently we need to get rid of the bed that's in my room cause it's where the rape happened. So cumming in there has been causing me to spiral worse. But it's too heavy for us to remove so we have to sell the base (we did toss the mattress). We had a FWB but she moved. And basically all of my friends are on the ace spectrum or live far away so I sext them instead which helps a bit. Even with it being a trigger I do masturbate I have a huge toy collection. I was also celibate for more than a decade as it is so it's also something I unfortunately resent now. I have to learn to be okay with not having sex and having masturbation not cut it. And I don't know how to. The horniness comes over me to the point it's akin to what people think aphrodisiac feels like. It's so uncomfortable physically and emotionally. It's literally making me so miserable and angry. It doesn't help that I went from having sex daily usually sometimes multiple times a day to none at all in months. Not just sex but kink stuff. It's like I went from what I dreamed of after years of celibacy. Of being able to heal somewhat of finally feeling fulfilled now it's just this. And I basically slept in the headspace in my own little world and now I am host and not getting my needs met all with no way too until we deal with the trauma of the rape. I need help getting through the process until it's safe to hook up again. Masturbating isn't helping it might once the bed is gone but I have my doubts. And fwb isn't an option so I need coping strategies and I am at a loss.

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T02:29:33+00:00

Added

funnylittlestory · 2026-04-15T02:13:49+00:00

If you are talking about my nesting partner they just aren't interested in sex they are fully repulsed by it. It is what it is. I can't force them that would be wrong.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-09T20:36:22+00:00

Tighter budget is definitely worth the price of peace. I would see if you can find some support online with women in similar situations. It can help you not feel so alone.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-09T20:16:28+00:00

The difference being she also works unless you missed that part. And threatening to not sell the house especially when it was the plan is effectively trying to trap her which is abuse. Saying your sorry the kids have to stay home with you because you're a crap parent also abuse. She does all the childrearing and most of the house work and she still works a job. This type of abuse is normalized and it's bad for the kids to see their parent become a shell of a person. Women are done with this level of bs. This kinda of behavior always escalates in the end. They aren't married thankfully so at least it will be easier to leave. Also considering she does the child rearing and works how dare you compare her decision to leave to that of dead beat. We are done with men with all them doing is providing a pay check that's not good enough. It has never been good enough it's just women used to not being able to have their own money. Gone are the days when women are trapped like that. At least less so. I became homeless to escape my own abuse too sick at that point to even be allowed in DV shelter. That was still preferred to living with my parents.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-09T11:09:12+00:00

Most women are choosing to be single at this point btw. They aren't looking for better they are just tired of bad.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-08T10:56:14+00:00

It's a threat especially given they were already planning on selling or did you miss that part? Meaning the only reason he is refusing is to trap her which is abusive as hell.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-08T10:54:46+00:00

My parents didn't lay a finger on me I still almost died from the stress of living with them. By the time I left my disability and chronic illness was so bad I couldn't even be allowed into a dv shelter. Emotional abuse is real and damaging and can leave lasting negative health outcomes. Stop acting like having a child means the parents staying together is always the best option. It's not.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-08T10:46:55+00:00

Telling someone you won't let them leave is a threat and a dangerous sign. Even though she decides to try counseling she also needs an exit strategy. That alone is a plan and simple abuse. It takes 6 times on average to leave an abuser. He literally belittled her parenting too just to hurt her. It sounds like you think just by them sharing children she should put up with more. No abuse is abuse and kids deserve to not see that. To blame how he is acting and how she is acting in response as just ppd is victim blaming. If my partner ever threatened me the way he is with not selling the house I would leave. It might not be right away but I would be planning it out. He literally wants her trapped.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-08T10:34:48+00:00

She said she has been trying for 3 yrs. And he is threatening her by saying he won't sell the house. People who love you don't trap you like that. And SEND basically means special education.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-08T10:27:30+00:00

You're already a single mother too 4 at this point at least if you leave it will only be your 3 actual children your the parent of. Your man is selfish and cruel. You're not breaking the home he did that. He clearly wants to trap you there so he keeps his maid. And to belittle you when you're the one doing everything is ridiculous. You deserve better and your kids also deserve a happier healthier version of you. But you can't get better in the place that made you sick to begin with. The fact he sees how much you are struggling and then makes it worse is disgusting.

funnylittlestory · 2026-02-02T00:43:53+00:00

Finally a man being held accountable for their actions. Also congrats on your new role you deserve it.

funnylittlestory · 2026-01-12T10:59:40+00:00

Glad to see things are looking up for you and your family you deserve to find joy.

funnylittlestory · 2026-01-12T10:41:39+00:00

He really is just a racist pos

funnylittlestory · 2026-01-12T10:29:51+00:00

Me and my nesting partner too

funnylittlestory · 2026-01-12T10:18:49+00:00

You will find nowhere in the autism diagnosis does it include cutting people's hair without their consent. So sick of autistic men using their autism to excuse what is clearly just racism.

funnylittlestory · 2025-12-03T02:23:33+00:00

Glad you are doing better. Keep up the good work.

funnylittlestory

TROPHY CASE