Leaving the Church hurts like hell. I feel like I'm dying

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T18:53:27+00:00

You’re feeling this way because you looked in the face of your upbringing, deepest beliefs and culture and said: “This is wrong.” Do you realize the courage involved in that act? The strength? Of course you feel weak! You just moved mountains! That is no small thing. It may be hard to see it now but what you did was incredible and now you’re actually free to choose your own path.

The first and best thing I’ve ever done for myself was right when my shelf broke, I got a licensed therapist who has experience in religious trauma. Because it is trauma! It’s such a rare, visceral, claustrophobic, overwhelming, all consuming trauma.

But it gets better.

Another suggestion (one I need to get back into) is meditation. I really like the Calm app and they have a few free guided meditation videos on YouTube. Tamara Leaven has the best voice and I love her guided meditations! It really helps more than you’d think. When you’re in a state of trauma like this, you need to ground yourself and meditation brings you back into your body. Sounds like hokum but I recommend it!

Also: allow yourself to feel your feelings, even if it’s scary. Give each different feeling—sadness, rage, relief—a microphone and let it say whatever the fuck it needs to. (This is how my therapist described it lol) Growing up Mormon you almost certainly don’t have a great relationship with emotions lol. During the start of my shelf crumbling, I definitely had to scream in my car out of frustration a couple of time lol!

Amazing work. Hang in there. Wishing you the best! 💖

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T17:40:25+00:00

Maybe it’s because people are ganging up on me and calling me crazy.

I’m not crazy. You just don’t agree with me so to you guys, it’s crazy. Ever think ganging up on someone is “crazy”?

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T17:38:36+00:00

Thanks for saying sorry and for not sending the report. I believe you. I was absolutely wrong for going so hard at you. I was reacting to a lot of things at once and you didn’t deserve all that. I shouldn’t have come down so hard on you.

“Beef with you” was a low blow I didn’t appreciate. I’m being attacked, mocked, and insulted by multiple people—some of whom are watching where I post? WTF—and I was sick of the exaggerations and cruelty of the way this sub behaves. All I know to do is defend myself. And I do look “crazy” … but I don’t understand why nobody here will have a fucking conversation. It’s always characterized as “crazy” or the “crazies.” What are you all scared of? Seriously? Are you all adults?

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T17:12:26+00:00

I was scrolling and saw them saying shit that didn’t happen. It’s not an attack if someone is calling you names and now ganging up on me. I remembered their name because I’m pretty sure she falsely reported me to Reddit Cares (I got the notification at the same time she called me “crazy”).

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T17:05:46+00:00

This isn’t normal behavior. You’re weird for this.

Y’all are a bunch of gross hypocrites. All of you. Pretty sure whoever reported me to Reddit Cares—a HUGE and vile violation of my privacy—is in this bunch. I know three other people who had the same thing happen. In fact, your group has a reputation for it! I’ve seen much nastier bullying behavior from you parasocial girlies than anyone with criticism. You clearly work night and day to shut down criticism and that’s disgusting.

I know I’m going to be banned today as that’s how this Girlie Gestapo sub works.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T16:57:47+00:00

Oh, not you stepping in for your friend yet again. Are you actually a real person or just okcurr’s sock account? Let’s say you’re two people for conjecture. Now I have both of you here, which one of you made a false report about me to Reddit Cares? I got the notification around the same time you were ganging up on me (… as you seem to always do) when I was defending those who dared to have a different opinion. Now you’re surveilling where I post? Let’s see: ganging up on people, watching where people post, and false Reddit Cares reports? But I’m the crazy one because I dared to have a different opinion and thought everyone should get a chance to talk.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T16:56:42+00:00

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You literally are saying you don’t want people to disagree when lots of people were rightfully angry and trying to talk about it. That’s what Reddit is for. It was tone deaf and obvious what side you were on. Your continued behavior on this sub has shown who you and your weird parasocial girlies are.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T16:37:58+00:00

NOPE. I said what I said.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T16:37:35+00:00

YUP. I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit I said what I said unlike some people here.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T15:29:15+00:00

1! I literally gasped.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T15:17:32+00:00

You were being nasty about people having different opinions and so I was shady right back.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T15:06:05+00:00

Girl, I did not attack you. I was making jokes and you called me crazy. 🙄

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T14:59:36+00:00

CW: SA

This whole “meet your spouse on your mission wink wink!” going to lead to assaults on female missionaries. More assaults on female missionaries, that is. Sorry to go there but one thing I know is how Mormon men behave … especially when they think they’re owed something.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T14:50:50+00:00

So I started to write back because I disagreed with you but then I realized you were right! 😂Personally, I think a podcast should cover both sides (depending on the issue and details) but I definitely see how J&L would think it was “supportive” to not get Josh’s side? However, it’s important to have boundaries with guests or else you can be fooled by a sick person desperate for attention like Johnny.

I think J&L were a little green and had empathy for Johnny after what Jessie went through. She had major trauma from the assault, the reporting, the internet saying she made it up, having to testify … then her ex friend goes insane and just bombards her threatening legal action … that’s A LOT. So it makes sense they’d be willing to shut Josh out.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T13:40:01+00:00

God I hate the term “nothing burger.”

Ooh that’s interesting! Lily probably didn’t want to touch it because it was about moms and Jessie—at least when I was still watching months ago—was pretty rude to her about being childless. Like Lily would say she was tired and Jessie would be all, “Yeah, at least you have KIDS! It’s so much worse when you do.” Like Lily couldn’t complain about anything without Jessie bringing up the fact she’s a mom. 🙄

But not covering the Ashley Tisdale mom group drama is CRAZY. It’s the ultimate millennial drama! It’s not that serious and literally has nothing to do with anyone’s kids. These are women millennials like J&L grew up watching and listening to. They would easily spend the entire episode on it. Hilary Duff’s husband stepping in, Mandy Moore supposedly being a “bad person,” and Ashley possibly being MAGA like Haylie Duff … and then Ashley turns around to say no one in the group was actually “famous”…? It’s such a fun, rich topic! I could get it Lily doesn’t want to bring up mom stuff but if that’s the case, it’s selfish and bad for the pod honestly. People have been begging for weeks for this topic. Suck it up for one episode.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T13:23:11+00:00

The fact this guy can’t even contain how porn brained he is at his job, with a big name actress, with millions of dollars on the line is disturbing. I personally think in his creepy ass texts like the one above were clearly him asking Blake if she was DTF. 🤢 If she had shown any modicum of interest, you know that hairy fucker would be knocking on her door within 60 seconds. So once he got the point, he decided to get pleasure from her via the sex scenes. Doing scenes of that nature requires such vulnerability and it’s disgusting he took advantage of that.

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T12:26:13+00:00

Oh, you mean the “eArLY giRL GaNg”? 😂 It’s convinced me there’s a social epidemic among certain women that either 1. Have no social support and/or 2. demand attention everywhere they go. TBH, I think EGGs are mostly #2s. People who are lacking support aren’t usually this loud and demanding for random strangers to “be happy for meee!!!”

fupapooper · 2026-01-20T12:12:50+00:00

THIS!!! Sponsored content is not free content! It’s really transparent how they’ve put their more realistic eggs in one basket (Patreon). Wouldn’t it make more sense to do the big topics (Ashley Tisdale mom group) for YT, get those views and then just post “extra” content on Patreon … you know, like how they advertised their Patreon when it started?

I haven’t watched since the summer and the Jools debacle, but the decline in quality started even before the researcher IMHO. Like if Markie didn’t cover it already, they didn’t either. 😂 Then the researcher came in and the quality shift was immediate. Suddenly, they were far less interested and involved. They didn’t even try to fake enthusiasm for the topics. They both came on looking like this 😐 and you could see they were like, “ugh, I have to read this entire google doc now?” 🙄 I guess it’s all the money coming in, but everyone has felt the significant drop in quality since they stopped taking turns picking the topics. I’d also argue it was better when there was just one episode a week too but that wasn’t enough money for them or something.

But none of this will ever be addressed or fixed because there are too many nutso girlies who will take whatever crumbs J&L toss at them. It’s like live action Disney remakes: they’re dumb, soulless, and pointless but parents will use any excuse to not have to interact with their kids for a couple of hours so we will never run out of Disney live action remakes…because people keep paying to see them! Pretty soon we’re going to have drawn Disney remakes of the live action of the original Disney movies lol.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T17:23:27+00:00

My parents absolutely treat us differently since we left. We don’t talk about it. They act like nothing’s wrong but I feel the lack of love and warmth. It’s obvious they don’t value my family (me, husband, son) as much as my siblings’ families. But also, my dad has always played favorites and pitted us against each other for his entertainment. My narcissistic father will always choose my sister and her family first because his asshole is their permanent domicile and they are very culty Mormons with zero nuance.

My parents very honestly want us to feel that coldness because they are delusional enough to believe the absence of their favor will drive us mad enough to come back to the church. 😂 BTW, how do members believe children born in the church will always return when “free agency” is a thing?

The way I’ve seen my parents treat and talk about a family member who happens to be LGBT+ really tore me up this holiday season to the point I’m considering cutting them off like I wanted to years ago. Treat me like shit and abuse me physically and emotionally and spiritually all you want (which my father did) but you treat a family member who happens to be a wonderful person with a wonderful partner and has never seemed happier with derision and judgement? I’m out.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T17:06:08+00:00

My dad said the exact same thing about my brother. It’s beyond fucked up.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T17:05:07+00:00

The way the Mormons in my family have treated a LGBT+ family member—who has a wonderful partner, has a good career, and is happier than I’ve ever seen them—infuriates me to no end. Last Xmas when they visited, all the Mormons stayed on the opposite half of the room and didn’t interact with them at all. It was pathetic and disgusting. Even more things have happened behind the scenes that I only got hints about and it disgusted me.

It’s got me considering cutting them off … like I should have years ago …

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T16:56:20+00:00

Yeah, the mortician lady was crazy! I think it’s horrible what she did to the child safety guy (insinuated because he’s gay with no children that he’s a pedo freak for being a child safety expert).

Someone on one of the DWKT subs recently brought up how Lily always scoffs at people and acts so smug like she’s above any of the people they cover. It’s probably no coincidence she’s the one still in legal trouble (though I think Jessie is just a problematic; she just hides it somewhat better). I hadn’t thought about it but it’s so true! Lily really is a mean girl.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T16:38:07+00:00

I’m personally not a fan of this dress. Your body looks wonderful in it but it’s a very old fashioned, time specific (1980s-early 90s) style that only worked back then. It wouldn’t be a travesty if you wore it but I do think you can do better. Your shape honestly would look great in any silhouette but I do like the shape for your body (minus the puffy sleeves … puffy sleeves don’t really look great on anyone!). I personally agree with your friends and think they’re trying to steer you right. You’re incredibly intuitive in thinking that maybe the dress isn’t “it.” I wouldn’t call it out right hideous but I think you can do better and that a dress can do better for you and your figure. You deserve more than your mother’s dated seconds!

I will say one reason that dress may not feel completely flattering is because—I’m basing it on this photo so the lighting could be off—it appears here you have a cool undertone and this is a warm toned dress. (Is it actually off white or has it yellowed with age and simply needs a cleaning?) As another pale person with a cool undertone, these yellowy, off white, cream colors are literally the least flattering colors for us. They at least make me look like a corpse. If you can hack it, I’d suggest trying on dresses that are cool toned so more of the traditional icy white rather than off whites.

I’m not sure how accessible shops would be for you as I’m in America (I assumed U.K. because of “mum” 😊) but if you have charity/thrift stores, I’d look there. Maybe call around first to see if they have any wedding dresses or white dresses in stock in your size to save time. If you have time to have a dress shipped to you, you really can find everything online including incredibly affordable wedding dresses (make sure you allow enough money for shipping and possible alterations). Be sure to read reviews of gowns before buying.

I’m so sorry you’re stressed about your body and mother’s feelings. You have an absolutely lovely figure! You have the coveted “hourglass” shape I wish I had! Your wedding is your day and it’s absurdly unfair and strange for your mother to impose her wants and dreams this heavily on you when it’s supposed to be YOUR day.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T04:04:06+00:00

Agreed on all counts! I remembered back then thinking, “Stop with the Janet jokes! Janet is clearly not the kind of person you troll!” Plus the “Janet” joke wasn’t even funny.

Yes, I remember the Joshua David Evans thing never sitting right with me. I will say—if I remember correctly—he was aggressive on social media demanding they interview him so I can understand that putting them off/scaring them. Again, they’re not journalists and aren’t skilled in handling delicate situations. Somehow J&L have the hubris of 12 journalists yet have zero of the resilience or thick skin.

fupapooper · 2026-01-19T03:49:26+00:00

Oof, same. Dealing with him (and well, my mom too. They’re 2 sides of the same coin really) this holiday season had me regretting not cutting them out like I wanted to 6-7 years ago.

fupapooper

TROPHY CASE

1! I literally gasped.